heloiseviola

I'm curious about your perspective

8 posts in this topic

I'm curious about your perspective

Hi ,

Here is a situation I’m in and I feel like your perspectives on it could help me to expand mine :

I’m 24 (25 soon). I’m studying music. I leave in a flat in Paris.
My parents have always been abusive.
I’ve been through a lot.
Now, I feel good and passionate about life.
My parents give me money to leave, without that I would not be able to live in my flat and study.

I thought I was so strong that I could endure my parents (I see them on a regular basis because my mother has cancer) and I thought that money was worth the confrontation with their “madness”.
My mother is kind with me sometimes and it used to make me “fall” again in old patterns. Now I can see that.

When the violence and abuse is subtle and denied by the abusers, it make me feel like I have no voice to say my truth.
So I lie a lot, I’ve been lying to my parents all my life to protect myself.

I’m very strong and confident about life, but I feel confused between two possibilities :
-the comfort of receiving the money I need to live my passion, but having to deal with really complicated parents
-the risk of everything to fall apart and no safety, but more freedom (maybe ?)

Also, I have absolutely no friends. I just see my music teacher twice a week.

I feel like I’m going to be single all my life (it’s been 5 years already). I don’t really see the point of relationships when there is no goal (for example, the goal of seeing a teacher is to improve). I’m constantly talking to God and he is my only true friend. I've been alone for so long even with people, I cannot imagine to have a friend or ..... a boyfriend, haha. Or maybe I just don't remember what it is.

I feel terrified to post this.

I don’t know if it will make sense, but thanks for reading :) I would be very happy to talk with you.

 

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Your parents probably now they are controlling you via the money, that's  why they give it so freely.

How are you in your music, are you advanced? Can you teach kids? Maybe you can make a little on the side. 

If you are going to stay with their money, its fine... i can see it's easier. I'd probably do that too. But make a solid career plan, to know how to make once you don't have them.

as with friends, that is hard sometimes...maybe start online? Practice with turists you are never going to see again?

 

and don't worry nobody in their 20s are doing good right now... the millennials are fucked.

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Thank you so much for your answers !

I feel like I have to be more assertive and go with the flow. I've got this strong feeling that everything is going to fall in place.

I had a very agitated night with weird dreams and I gained a fresh perspective.

About friends, I'm starting to feel the need to connect with people in real life, and talking online is a good start :)

 

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On 7-2-2017 at 11:04 AM, heloiseviola said:

I feel like I have to be more assertive and go with the flow. I've got this strong feeling that everything is going to fall in place

Yes, I do think that everything will fall into place at some point :)

Big story btw! that cannot always be easy for you, so I wish you the best. I suppose at some point you have to confront your parents, but I totally understand the comfort of the money. Having a friend to talk to about these things may help, even if it is just the internet.

Maybe meetup.com or through couchsurfing.com you can meet people. The last website also posts meetups with tourists.

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There is obviously a deep strength within you. Transition slowly into independence. Build new friendships and new activities. Play music in public. Put yourself out there and money and people will come to you. Choose wisely some of them will want to use and control you with money like your parents. Others will share their hearts and set yours free. Patience, persistence and faith. Love yourself. You are beautiful. Let others see that. Be blessed, be a blessing. Peace

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Thank you for your kind words, it really warms my heart :)

It is very helpful to me to speak with you all !

I've just noticed that in my first post I wrote : "My parents give me money to leave" instead of "to live", it's quite funny.

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On 8-2-2017 at 0:27 PM, heloiseviola said:

Thank you for your kind words, it really warms my heart :)

It is very helpful to me to speak with you all !

I've just noticed that in my first post I wrote : "My parents give me money to leave" instead of "to live", it's quite funny.

The money you could see as compensation for the trouble they put you thru. And by getting it this moment you can build a life so you can be independent in the future.

As for friends and fun dont the have jammsessions in Paris. Thats what I would look for. 

And as you said go with the flow but it must be your flow or at least one you resonate with and your totaly right everything will fall into place it always does. 

Have fun

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why do you feel that it has to be your decision or that if the money from your parents stops, your life will fall apart? the truth is you don't know. you can't know which way is better or what will actually happen either way. there are just too many variables. 

what you can always do, tho, is to stay true to yourself. be ready to live with it, whatever it would entail, and see what happens. 

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