InkedlllPandora

What do you think about MDMA?

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Hey community, 

I've been watching Teals videos for about a month now, I SO resonate with her consciousness & appreciate the perspective she brings into our world so very much. It is beautiful.

I'm in a very difficult place in my life, I've become aware in the last couple years that I have extremely low self esteem,  I'm seeing how extremely codependent I have become with my partner due to intense childhood traumas, & I continue to repeat patters of self abandonment & an inability to find inner trust. SOOOO with that background I'd like to share that I tried MDMA (ecstasy) twice this year for the first times. 

What i found was a feeling about myself I can't EVER remember feeling before. I totally loved myself, trusted myself & had absolutely no fear around my shadow self, or around what other people thought about me. I sat there talking to my partner about things that typically throw me into a complete gut wrenching panic of fear. I felt so truly connected to him for the first time in a good while (he didn't take it, he was sober) 

It made me feel like I had the mind of a dolphin, SO TOTALLY present emotionally & connected out of pure love. It was one of the most lovely feelings I have ever encountered, to TOTALLY love myself. Until I crashed, & crashed hard, right back into my pattern & state of fear, anxiety & paranoia that I am or will do something wrong. Bracing myself to be judged & hurt by others. Closing up out of fear that what or who I am is not right. 

 

I'm curious what you folks think about this drug? What do you think it does energetically? Do you think it has any practical uses? 

I swear I felt like a dolphin. What do you think  about that?

Thanks for hearing & hopefully responding :star-yahoo-emoticon:

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Hi,  I was checking out the forums and came across yours.  I'm glad you discovered Teal's videos.  They are very powerful and full of helpful tools. I don't have much experience with any drugs other then Marijuana, but after reading your post it feels as though the ecstasy definitely put you into a space where you were outside of the fear in your being, helping you to see that there is that space within you where you can feel truth, trust and love for YOU!! That I see as a gift.:)   You can reach that place without drugs but it takes a commitment to you and your well being...and even I find that difficult...to being completely committed to myself in every way. Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope others can give you insight.   I find that Teal has made so many videos on practically every question I might have and all I have to do is type in a search word and something beautifully helpful comes through but it takes participation from me.   I bet feeling as a dolphin was amazing!!!

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On 6/17/2016 at 2:13 AM, InkedlllPandora said:

I'm curious what you folks think about this drug? What do you think it does energetically? Do you think it has any practical uses? 

 

I've witnessed the colossal downside of it, since I had to deal with a relative on the 'come down' swing, that involved violent outbursts, suicidal behavior, self harm, and extreme breakdowns. But that was my sister, and she was 18 at the time. It really messes with the chemical balance of the brain, and I don't trust it. Trying to get somebody to stop pounding their fists on the kitchen sinks until they're the color of eggplant wasn't a joyful noise, that's for sure. 

I'm not sure how old you are, but just based on the way the brain can change via neuroplasticity, it's not like the 'damage' is permanent, but if you're experiencing feelings of self abandonment, once the 'high' subsides, the opposite can be like trying to get out of a black hole. 

I was fairly certain my sister was going to kill herself that month, as that's how long or so it took her to even out again. She was misdiagnosed as bipolar, but honestly, that entire experience made me kind of have a skewed opinion of 'X'. I don't tend to dislike drugs on the whole, but safety first! 

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@Nancy Schafer : Thank you for taking the time to read & reply Nancy, I was most definitely completely outside fear in my being. One huge thing I took from the experience was the realization that I could feel so in love with myself & completely connected to another soul (my partner) and that all that really happened for me to be in that space was a shift in my brain chemistry. It told me on a soul level - that self love & true empathy are possible for me if I can continue learning how to shift my vibration. The body responds to the vibration of our thought - I've struggled for a long time with pain in my body connected to anxious & stressful thought patterning. Before I had this experience I didn't think I could ever find that feeling of self acceptance & appreciation, I had completely forgotten what that even felt like. It was almost like a shocking wakeup up call "REMEMBER LOVE LITTLE GIRL?!!!" It helped me remember that space, which was wonderful, but also heartbreaking in the sense that I saw clearly how much fear I live in, in my day to day experience. Feeling like a dolphin btw is AMAZING!!!!!

:5761df4b112d5_EmojiNatur-103::5761df38730e2_EmojiNatur-38::5761df4e8626d_EmojiNatur-115:

The Human Experience is always expanding & contracting. Just doing my best to go with my flow. <3

@Stephanie Wintermute : Thank you as well Stephanie! Well, I deal with feelings of self abandonment regularly, long before my experience with MDMA - as I came down from the high, I dropped back into that space that I struggled with already. Part of me thought that I could ride that wave of experience into my sober life, but as the high dissipated so did my complete trust in myself & my self love. I thought with that extreme exposure to fearlessness in my consciousness,  my anxiety & fear wouldn't be so overwhelming to me, and that I could bring that awareness back as I came down. But that wasn't the case, as I felt the effects slipping away, anxiety returned & I panicked for the fact that I was feeling fear again. I tried to hold on to the feeling, & in that holding on,  resistance took over,  & took me down into deep self rejecting/self judging for not "learning" (pulling those feeling back down into reality). Hope that makes sense! <3

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