Hope_vZ

I escaped from a Cult!

8 posts in this topic

So what i am about to share has rocked me to my core and has literally kept me awake all night and i have not been able to stop thinking about it and could'nt sleep!

I just found out that i was in one of the world's largest cults for like my entire life! Every blood relative i have i am going to lose if they find out that i am talking about this but i need to share it with someone and who better that my new friends, you all!

Did anybody hear of the Australian royal commission into the Jehovah's Witnesses in late 2015, and how they covered up sexual abuse crimes and covered for perpetrators? Well, i only saw the video and all the subsequent youtube vid's related to it a couple of hours ago! My whole world is spinning!!! Everything i believed my whole entire life has been a lie and my whole family is still stuck inside and worse, told not to even speak to me! They hid what my own parents were doing to my sister and i and what other people did to me! I believed that it was god's will to keep it a secret and to "leave it in His hands"! And i thought i was evil for not attending and not being able to force myself to believe and do exactly as they do!

My head is reeling! Anybody have any thoughts? Anybody else have any similar experiences? 

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Guest EvenStar

Our experience is similar in some ways and different at the same time. My husband and I left Mormonism 3 years ago. We discovered the mormon church involvement in the past with sexual abuse of children and ritualistic abuse. We discovered other types of abuse that involves mormon leadership in the past and in the recent present time. We discovered many things that did not resonate  with us  anymore and stopped going. We lost friends in the  process. The mormon church teaches that people who disagree or criticize the mormon leaders are influenced  by an evil spirit  and that is better to get away  from them. I suppose this is the reason some people stopped talking to us. 

I realize now that religion in general, causes more problems than benefits. I was catholic before I was mormon and it was not good either, but Mormonism was worst. My mother is still in the cult and all my husbands family are mormons too. I officially resigned last year when the mormon church created a rule/policy  that  forbids the children of gays and lesbians to be baptized in the church. I was part of a massive resignation that took place in Salt Lake City, in which more than 1,000 mormons resigned their membership in protest to this policy. We presented resignation  letters requesting all  our information to be deleted from their records through  a  lawyer who volunteered to help  everyone  resign. im very happy I did this is.  I felt  empowered. I felt I was taking  control over my  life  again. I  stopped being a  victim. 

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I commend you for your honesty. It is an issue that I'd like to be brought to light in a safe way for everyone. 

I have recently been rolling this over in my head, too. I've done some research and realized some things about my own family that I have never fully understood, and still don't. My grandfather was a confirmed child abuser and had "friends in high places". My grandmother divorced him when I was 4 or 5. I never saw him after that and my family moved to a different state. My behavior as a child was quite strange at times, as were my siblings'. I remember things that are evident of ritual type abuse in the family. 

My head has been spinning a bit, too, and I don't know what to conclude. 

I came here to support people who need support and I want them to feel comfortable here to open up about their past, and that starts with myself.

If anyone needs a pen pal, support, or even friendship, feel free to PM. We are all in this together.

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Thank you @Adam and @walt, it is absolutely mind-blowing how many feelings and emotions are produced... I even have that feeling like maybe it would be better to just go back to normal!:o It is very, very challenging to suddenly have the whole world's opportunities and possibilities in front of you and not knowing which way will not end up at the same kind of situation or which is even the right ONE for you, Where to begin even... *mind blown*

 

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Hope, you have your answers. Your direction, what is important to you, these things exist as a part of who you are up to this point.

You can't turn back, not on yourself, your true feelings, your values, and expect to be happy at the same time. As an example, that would be like me saying "mustard and donuts don't mix well for me" and then I immediately go to Dunkin Donuts with a thing of mustard in my hand, order a donut, squirt mustard on it, and then eat it while not liking it, saying with my mouth full to you "ah man this is just terrible, nom nom *takes another bite* no yeah I definitely hate this a lot" and then I order another. 

That's an obvious example lol but it relates to "going back" on what you know to be true for yourself. You can't turn your back on yourself and still live happily. It Is your choice, though. 

 

One way to find direction for life: identify your desire and line up with it bit by bit.

The Law of Attraction says you can be, have, and do anything you want. What would you want? Put no limitation on it. What resonates with you as the best possible scenario for yourself? What do you want?

As far as the emotions are concerned, I'm rooting for you to feel better. How have you been handling them? Any processes?

 

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There's something important to mention here about conditioning within a cult.

According to my research, "waking up" from it can trigger "alter states" of mind which can cause the person to act in a certain way. The person can become "home sick", in a sense, and fall back into the old ways. A person can also become dangerously suicidal at that point. 

Not all mental programming leads to this reaction, but if you are experiencing any of this, know that it's very common for someone who is now realizing they want something different.

 

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On 6/16/2016 at 9:35 PM, Hope_vZ said:

My head is reeling! Anybody have any thoughts?

My thoughts are that we're all here for you, to help no matter what you need. Like @Adam was saying, PM any time. This has been a really, really intense week on people energetically, and the shifts are only getting more powerful. But we're all in this together for a reason. I heart you, and offer my sincere friendship. 

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Thank you so much @Stephanie Wintermute, @Adam and @walt. I am taking things slow, resting a lot, complimenting my urges to die or go back to my old ways with bouts of either just talking to my husband about the exact raw feelings i have at that moment, distracting myself with bright colours or the complete and total immersion of myself into meeting the needs of my daughters whenever they make the slightest suggestions that i can do something with or for them. It is a welcome distraction as well as a means of constant inner feedback about me at least being a good mother and/or creating something useful. With friends like you guys, who needs family. Woohoo!!!:thumbs-up-yahoo-emoticon::loldog:

On 6/20/2016 at 4:43 AM, Stephanie Wintermute said:

My thoughts are that we're all here for you, to help no matter what you need. Like @Adam was saying, PM any time. This has been a really, really intense week on people energetically, and the shifts are only getting more powerful. But we're all in this together for a reason. I heart you, and offer my sincere friendship. 

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you! It does feel kinda like feeling the worst of the flu symptoms just before you feel better than ever before, right? I am so attracted to and grateful for sincerity. I missed out on a lot of that!

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