Redbeard

Did I finish the process?

10 posts in this topic

Did I finish the process?

A friend suggested to me that I focus on feelings on unsafety because I have kidney problems and kidneys are associated with safety. I am not aware of any feeling of physical unsafety in memories so I focused on emotional unsafety when I entered the completion process, which was a situation when I got totally ridiculed by me friends and it hurt badly. That brought me to a 'memory' where something black, dark and bad violated me when I was 1-2 years old. This was emotionally very heavy with lots of crying and muscles moving. Even my kidneys started to hurt as hell and because I felt like I needed to throw up I had to snap out the session I was going through.
When I returned into the session the feeling of the memory and the unsafety was not as strong as before and I could associate this black/dark/bad thing with a medical table, so maybe it was an episode at a doctors office. I didn't remember actual memories, more feelings. At that point I could calm myself down and 'integrate' the feeling. In fact I integrated to little me's, like I was doing the completion process at two old similar memories at the same time, and I integrated them within my kidneys during the safe haven stage.

Afterwards my kidneys were still hurting a lot (even as I write this half an hour later) and while I felt initially happy, this quickly turned into a darker mood. I thought that I may not have integrated the memory very well so I tried a second attempt. I tried to get in the same way through the memory where I was ridiculed by my friends, but this time in that memory I wasn't verbally ridiculed by my friends I was physically violated by them :/ In short, I altered my memory.. I got quite baffled by that so I stopped.

My questions:
a) did I actually totally finish my completion process and integrated the feeling/memory?
b) shouldn't you feel extremely happy and glowing after a successful session?
c) why are my kidneys (still) hurting? During the integration process I visualized that my kidneys were regenerating, but still. Is that normal?
d) How can I so easily alter my own memories and what makes me think that I can trust them? To my knowledge I have never been violated and while I could have completely suppressed that memory, I think I grew up in (ironically) a safe environment so I intend to assume that nothing bad happened to me. Can I be sure that I am not imagining anything?

This just start to feel very icky to me so any input is appreciated. Okay, maybe I should apply LoA and focus on happy stuff and healing for my kidneys :)

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Some hours later (not a day yet) my kidneys still hurt and it is very uncomfortable. They hurt so much that I would see a doctor if it weren't for the fact that it happened because of a mental / emotional process that I did. It worries me a bit and makes me feel slightly sick. Maybe it is just a sign that my body is healing and throwing out all the bad stuff at the moment. I am used to that feeling after a session with my usual 'energy worker' but I have never felt an organ so directly and it feels peculiar.

I greatly appreciate any insight from anybody. @Amazawa@lightworker, you two cp veterans ( I don't know many else on this forum) have an idea?

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I find that sometimes it takes a few attempts to "get into" harder emotional memories and there can be layers to it. Just going into it in the first place can be enough at first for the second time to get easier, etc.

a.) Does it feel like you did?

b.) Not necessarily. This is an emotionally exhausting process. You just dove into a trauma, integrating that trauma might bring some relief but that doesn't mean happiness and you don't have to be shitting skittles in order to reap the benefits later on. Shadow work isn't happy work, though it does make you happier in the long run, facing your shadows isn't a fun process most of the time. It might be kind of thrilling in a scary and adventurous way, but happy... in my experience the happiness come from the completeness you feel over time afterwards, not during or even immediately after the process. Sure, sometimes you will feel happy, I have, but it's also been heavy and gut-wrenching.

c.) No idea, but if it continues to be a problem, I suggest getting checked out by a doc :) personally, I'd just wait and see what feels best to me to do.

d.) I don't think it matters whether or not the memory is "real", especially if you are reacting emotionally and physically to it. Your emotional body and your physical one is communicating with you through the memory. 

Edited by lightworker
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Hi @lightworker, I am so relieved and grateful to read you answer. Feeling my kidneys like that does not feel right and it honestly feels like I have unearthed a bag of garbage out of my emotional past.
Coincidentally (or not) my 'energy worker' called me to check if my number was correct so I quickly told her the story. According to her by attempting the completion process on these feelings I stirred through a bucket of mud. That bucket used to be quite calm (so all the sand is at the bottom and the water quite clear), but now I made it into a big muddy mess again. She added that it was unwise to do that as I am going through such a big transition period at the moment and I need more stable ground under my feet to dive into my old shit. While digging up your old trauma's certainly has its place, focussing on the present and building myself up from there is more valuable for me now according to her. I suppose she means applying LoA.

I followed your advice and asked myself if the process was over. Yes, that layer was surely done but in order to 'stop stirring my bucket' I needed to go in again and I experienced my birth (though it wasn't very heavy). Right now I am telling my kidneys to chill and focus on the present time and not on the past to further let the sand sink.

6 hours ago, lightworker said:

d.) I don't think it matters whether or not the memory is "real", especially if you are reacting emotionally and physically to it. Your emotional body and your physical one is communicating with you through the memory. 

That is a pretty cool thought! Like I am experiencing a memory through my emotional body and not physical body. That is pretty amazeballs :)

Again, very happy with your reply and nice to see your wisdom pop up again on this forum. Bless, bliss and happy thougths

Edited by Redbeard
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On 1/27/2017 at 4:54 AM, Redbeard said:

That is a pretty cool thought! Like I am experiencing a memory through my emotional body and not physical body. That is pretty amazeballs

Teal has stated more than once that our emotional and mental bodies can time travel.  Only our physical body need a "time machine."  So, after a CP session, the physical body often needs time to catch up.

My response to your description of your CP session:

1) Feelings ARE memories.  So is knowing.  What you describe feels to me like a deep trauma that has been suppressed for a long time.

2) I am very curious you did not mention interacting with your inner child.  Instead, you mentioned: "At that point I could calm myself down and 'integrate' the feeling. In fact I integrated to little me's, like I was doing the completion process at two old similar memories at the same time, and I integrated them within my kidneys during the safe haven stage."

For me, the most important part of CP is helping the inner child that was traumatized to move through the trauma and then have his needs met.  Is that what you did?  I sense that perhaps you focused on wanting to "integrate" (i.e., fix) the feeling?  The more you focus on wanting to fix something, the more things will come up for you to fix, sometimes even things that are not yours.

3) Often when a young child experiences a severe trauma, he will fracture into many different aspects that will dissociate and go into hiding.  That is why an important step in CP is to call back all the different aspects that have fractured off at that moment.  If this is not done, the trauma remains in your energy body until each aspect of the child has been reintegrated into a whole child.  In some instances, I have witnessed a child reintegrate millions, perhaps even billions of his aspects.

4)  I agree with your energy worker friend that you indeed have stirred up the mud in the bucket.  You could choose to let the mud settle again, but it will still be there and it will limit what you can do with LOA.  My sense is your kidneys are prompting you to address the mud in the bucket.  Please consider speaking with them and letting them guide you to what your Being is wanting to do. 

Edited by Amazawa
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19 hours ago, Amazawa said:

Only our physical body need a "time machine."  So, after a CP session, the physical body often needs time to catch up.

Yes, it is common for me to experience pain in some part of my body where I know something happened in terms of healing, integrating or energy. This has always felt like a natural pain to me, so even though it causes me discomfort I am happy because I know there is healing going on. This time the pain feels more forced and is more uncomfortable then other similar pains, although I have to note that I never felt my kidneys before. I also notice that I have been in somewhat sombre mood most of the times since I did the Completion Process, feel tired and without much energy and have slept long nights (10 hours easy) which is uncommon.

It feels that my kidneys are hurt at the moment and they need love and rest. I suppose that means I should suspend my Completion Process activities for a little while but I have to admit that I do wanted to fix this and went in two more times to see if I could unearth deeper layers of trauma. Those two attempts did not go very deep, although one of them expressed a lot of grief. Grief that wasn't particularly related to that memory, just old unprocessed grief. That was an interesting development for me, because I didn't expect the CP to be work with stored feelings. I also tried to access a memory by focussing on the pain of my kidneys, but that seemed harder and it didn't work for me. Have you tried that?

 

20 hours ago, Amazawa said:

For me, the most important part of CP is helping the inner child that was traumatized to move through the trauma and then have his needs met.  Is that what you did?  I sense that perhaps you focused on wanting to "integrate" (i.e., fix) the feeling?  The more you focus on wanting to fix something, the more things will come up for you to fix, sometimes even things that are not yours.

Again, I might be guilty of wanting to fix things but I do made the needs met of the child. For example, I have noticed several times that my current self understands the nature of the trauma and is okay with it, but my child self is still sobbing so I let him go through those feelings until he is okay enough to talk about it.

 

20 hours ago, Amazawa said:

4)  I agree with your energy worker friend that you indeed have stirred up the mud in the bucket.  You could choose to let the mud settle again, but it will still be there and it will limit what you can do with LOA. 

That is one thing I never really understood about the Completion Process. How does trauma exactly interfere with the LoA?

Thank you for your insights, they do help me greatly at the moment. It is still confusing to me why I am reacting so heavily, but I think I at least know now that I finished that particular Completion Process session; it needs more attention now.

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49 minutes ago, Mark Joseph Middleton said:

It doesn't.

You are attracting the trauma. Because you are the trauma. I want to say part of you, but doing this in 'parts' seems to encourage bypassing, disassociations or things like: that's just a part of me observations.
The trauma is you. The feeling is you. The pain of it is you. This is a point of attraction in your life. It creates the surrounding structure you experience and your frame of reference for yourself, your experience and what can or will come to you. The are other yous to, like when you are with someone you love. Or when you are enjoying yourself too. This isn't quite a full explanation, because I am still separating these things out, but its closer than thinking in terms of ourselves in pieces. One step closer to wholeness.

What you are saying here makes sense and forms the basis of the Completion Process. I think Teal described at once as being made of a many gauges that show the frequency in every part of your life: confidence, love, friendship, car accidents.. etc. All these gauges together make up your master gauge that shows your current frequency and which what you attract in life. I am right?
I like your >>>>>> and <<<<<< explanation, sometimes something visual makes things sooo clear :)

The question for me now is, why do I feel so shit three days after my Completion Process and why do my kidneys still hurt? I don't feel physically and emotionally good.

I would be very happy to watch your videos!! Do you have a link?

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On 26/01/2017 at 9:02 PM, Redbeard said:

Did I finish the process?

A friend suggested to me that I focus on feelings on unsafety because I have kidney problems and kidneys are associated with safety.

Speculating doesn't lead anywhere except in an endless whirlwind of thoughts and false beliefs that reinforce inner barriers. Ego wants to complicate things, when all is needed is simply to observe upsetting, disruptive thoughts and feelings whenever they surface on their own, and to meditate everyday for at least thirty minutes as this will gradually  erode one's barriers.

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Dear @Amazawa @lightworker @Mark Joseph Middleton ,
I want to thank you for your responses and help to me in this thread. As you may have noticed the results of my completion process session stressed me out quite a bit and your words helped me to calm down and be okay with what happened. Other sessions that I have done before and since then were by far not as heavy as that one.
It took a few days before the pain in my kidneys subsided and about a week before it went away. Initially my urine was less foamy (a sign that my kidneys were doing better as it shouldn't foam at all), but that subsided after a while. I do feel a lot more energetic in general and are pursuing the things that I want a lot more and that means much to me.
So again, thank you for you time and help! And I haven't written this before, because I was curious how things would play out.

@Myst Also to you thank you for your input, but I knew that unsafety was part of my childhood, but I didn't know how strong the feelings associated to is was.

@Mark Joseph Middleton your videos are pretty cool :) I like how well you say out loud what you write on this forum and how articulated the message is. I do have two comments. You have a great sweet smile, use it more :) and secondly, you hair is dark and your clothing somewhat neutral, this contrasts against the light background and makes you look a bit dark while you have a message of light. Maybe you can work with the lighting, add variety and clours  to the background and clothing. That will enliven it somewhat. But please don't dye your hair, it is a very pretty black ;)

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