howlinghurt

Unable to Connect

10 posts in this topic

Unable to Connect

I have been dealing with this problem for awhile now but I no longer feel connected to anyone. I was always one to be with friends and form close relationships but  it feels like my ability to do that is gone. I just don't feel good about myself anymore. I don't even feel a connection to my family members and people I have known my whole life. When I'm around other people I feel more isolated and extremely awkward. The amount of discomfort I feel around other people has pushed them away & pushes me to just isolate more.I don't know what I need to feel better. and I am unsure how to move forward 

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My first inclination is to say, there is a freedom in not being tightly connected to people, meaning if you wanted to make a radical change in your life, you wouldn't be having to disappoint somebody to make that change.   In a way, perhaps, this is what your soul is preparing you to do!  Which is extremely exciting, frustrating, and scary all at the same time.   But in re-reading what you wrote, and in your asking for some practical advice on how to move forward, Hand Write some letters to the people you most care about.  Tell them what's up and that you miss them....  

I'm sorry you feel this way,,,   Do poems make you feel better?

Fleeting streams of light.

The black night purrs its silence.  A glass lake, secluded   and surrounded by wooded hills, meditates. You float in the sky above as the bright crystal clear crescent moon.  Your beauty grasps imaginations. Imaginations that believe an entangle lovers’ soft kiss can heal tender wounds of the soul.

Only the lonely can think average thoughts reflecting back at them in the mirror.  But look into your mirror, the lake. Your crescent radiance is full of splendor. Your feminine love fills the whole universe.  Your Mystery, Endless.

Shooting stars seem so random.  But they are not. Just as Destiny ordains dark nights upon us all, Destiny sends fleeting streams of light to remind us.  Though you may miss the message - Your lonely tears are not alone.

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Please correct me if I am wrong but I thought that your heart is the part of your body that is associated with relationships and love. Teal has some videos on it, which might help you further.

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@David B Thank you so much for that fresh perspective. I definitely feel like there is a huge transformation occurring in my life and while that's extremely terrifying, it is happening for a reason.  And yes!  It's amazing you were guided to share that. I absolutely love Poetry.  My username is actually inspired by Rumi's "Not Here" poem.  

Who is the author of Fleeting Streams of Light? It paints such a beautiful picture &  I absolutely love this part... :) 

"Shooting stars seem so random.  But they are not. Just as Destiny ordains dark nights upon us all, Destiny sends fleeting streams of light to remind us.  Though you may miss the message - Your lonely tears are not alone"

@Mark Joseph Middleton

*Hugs* Back! :D  

Thank you. I get the feeling that this situation is quite literally pushing me to only hold space for people that are fully capable of holding me and meeting my needs. I 'm almost being forced to be alone with myself which is something I've never really got to experience. Now that I am, I'm discovering ALOT of pain and self hate. I tend to use other people to escape myself, so being unable to connect is literally making me face myself ... 

As for passions I have somewhat of an idea of my childhood talents & interests but as you said as of now I can't really tell you what my passion are and what I enjoy doing. 

@Redbeard

Yess my heart is where I feel a lot of my physical pain in regards to relationships. Thank you! :) 

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Some Guy named David Boette :-p  wrote that.  I was unsure about sharing with you,,, you know, didn't want to confess my undying love for you just yet, lol.   No, I actually wrote that without anyone in mind, "practicing" LOA philosophy,,, being a Hopeful Romantic.    Recently I entered a little Chapbook poetry contest and I didn't win.  So I'm not THAT good.

As for Rumi, My Yoga Instructor's School, is derived from Rumi's Poem, "Two Suns Rising"  ...  Now when I read your response, I asked myself What is my favorite Rumi Poem?  I have the Essential Rumi by Coleman Banks,,, Which the NOT HERE, wasn't in it, (Great Poem though).  But anyway, my Favorite Rumi 'poem' from the book I have is short:

The Minute I heard my first love story / I started looking for you, not knowing / how blind I was.  // Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. / They're in each other all along.

As for another one of my poems, not as intense, but cute enough to share:

The Reality is

Every Star in Every Direction

Sends Their Blessing

Towards You

Bending, Warping

Through Dimensions

To Bring you Love.

 

Every time you think

The time is up

And Hope has Set,

Sit,

You Are the Center Of the Universe

Until you Smile.

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Look into emotional neglect and learning to feel from your heart :) that's helped me a lot. Emotional neglect in childhood sets up pur ability to feel connection in relationships in adulthood. Learning about this combined w inner child work and feeling your heart is good it's what I've been doing lately. xx

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On 2017-01-22 at 8:33 PM, howlinghurt said:

Unable to Connect

I have been dealing with this problem for awhile now but I no longer feel connected to anyone. I was always one to be with friends and form close relationships but  it feels like my ability to do that is gone. I just don't feel good about myself anymore. I don't even feel a connection to my family members and people I have known my whole life. When I'm around other people I feel more isolated and extremely awkward. The amount of discomfort I feel around other people has pushed them away & pushes me to just isolate more.I don't know what I need to feel better. and I am unsure how to move forward 

OMG 

I feel this. Girrrlll let's be friends !!!! xx

On 2017-01-23 at 3:06 AM, Mark Joseph Middleton said:

:D *hugs*
You've disconnected all the old junk! 

It feels lonely at first. You are enough, repeat that a lot. Whatever you feel is okay. You could sit with the feeling of disconnection and comfort it, loneliness and quiet, changing the dynamic inside yourself.

Then you get to find people who are also enough in themselves. New people. Family will still be there, and you can still chat to them but you can see how superficial the relationships you had with them is. One of mine is not, I am fortunate I have that connection but the other two immediate family members (and most of my extended family) are largely superficial relationships, as in we don't relate together. But that's okay, it is what it is. Same with the friendships I used to have. By all means write too them, or reach out but not in an expecting way. I expect these people to be this, won't work.

What are your interests, what do you like doing, what do you feel connected to? Do you know? Have you taken the time to try several things? Maybe made connections with people also involved in those things, that you find yourself passionate about or enjoying? Most of us no. Because of a long list of reasons put into us at an early age.

 

Wow definitely needed to hear that thank you so much xoxo

You're a blessing

On 2017-01-23 at 4:48 PM, walt said:

It could be like Mark said a shift forward to new relationships.

Disconnecting can also be a symptom of a deeper issue.

Walt do you feel like expanding on that for me?

Hit a note there

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24 minutes ago, walt said:

The OP's description of not feeling connected reeks of abuse.

I feel connected to my bf but because I have trauma relating to my dad, and he will reflect it with a certain behaviour, it triggers me. I wasn't physically abused, but maybe emotionally. 

Do you have advice on how to work into that?

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I've been in these shoes, I thought, because the universe design to expand, the humans trying to resist and to make the comfort zones for them self's, by using people around.

It sounds you feeling unrecognized, because the values and needs changing, and lot of these values we keeping in shadow zone, because they are vulnerable, did you between people with the same values vibration, what's your values, what is yours salt, don't go around, go straight for it, express yourself to be seen. 

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9 hours ago, walt said:

Work with someone on those related feelings.

It's really good that you know it's not about your boyfriend. A lot of people go through life thinking it's about everybody else.

Do you know where I could find moderators like Teal around here to do that? I don't know anyone in my waking in life to have the understanding to help guide me. My bf knows and has supported me, but it's still a bit hard for him. 

And trust it has been an excruciating battle, of which I am still fighting. I love him so very much and love being with him, then he does those certain things and the meaning I've attained to accompany that with is that he doesn't have love for me. It's all one big circle of triggering hell for myself. But I have been vocal of what I need, and he understands, but our situation makes it a bit harder to do that. But none the less, I try to differentiate him with my father, because he is not him. He is much more than him. 

Thanks for the compliment, made me feel good :)

(I really like this one, and I don't want to keep running from myself )

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