Shack1212

Suggestion to improve Safe Haven

5 posts in this topic

I think Teal did a fantastic job in her book laying out the instructions to get in your Safe Haven, however I came up with a possible hole:

For people with anxiety, the future is the most frightening thing. It's not about is there a threat in this room with me now, or else we would have plenty of moments when we feel safe. It's all about when the next threat will come. When I go to work today will I screw up and have my boss get mad at me or fire me? When I talk with my parents will they hurt my feelings? Will my girlfriend/boyfriend get sick of me and dump me today? etc. and all other kinds of fears.

When you go into the safe haven, one of the problems is that you know eventually, you will have to come out of the safe haven. The safe haven is a great way to make the present feel safe, but the future could remain as frightening as ever. If you have an emotionally abusive person in your life, even if you don't let them into safe haven, their threat is still on your mind because you know they'll be there when  you come out. Furthermore the march of time still threatens you in Safe Haven. If you're worried about your age or your biological clock or your job status it's still marching on you while you are in Safe Haven.

Thus I propose doing something to Time when you are in Safe Haven to eliminate these threats. For example pretending that no time passes when you are in Safe Haven. Or the whole world freezes while you are gone. Thus allowing you to really feel safe from this threatening future while you are in there. If you could make the whole world freeze in time except you, wouldn't getting this march of time off your back be a relief? An alternative would be to somehow put yourself in the mindset of only living in the present in Safe Haven. But I haven't had much success doing this in the past - I am addicted to thinking about the future. 

Edited by Shack1212
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there is always now. I know it is much easier to say then to put into "practice", yet I thing a few pointers could help here, Shack:

* you said you are afraid of the future? => Teal said, we are not afraid of the future, but rather what we project on the future (which we
ultimately don't no because the future is not there yet now).

* yes, in safen haven and CP in general, you can go wildddd with your visualisation/imagination. You can stop time, you can Eckhart Tolle destroy a clock ^^
You can source personalizing itself and saying telepathically that there is no time. 

* realizing there truly is no time could do the thing. every so-called made movement is a projection on the eternal-now-screen of consciousness


I hope that helps, Tomass

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@Shack1212 Dear Shack and Tomass @Tomass Lacis - I know this is a late reply but I saw just the one reply from Tomass, so thought I would take the opportunity of adding my perspective...

Shack and Tomass, indeed you can do whatever you feel is appropriate in your Safe Haven as it is entirely your construct and no-one else's. However, Shack, you seem to have a lot of work to do on that Anxiety. Try the Reiki Principle # 2 "For today only, I choose not to Worry. 

Here is the Principle's idea in full - if it helps:

=======================

"The Second Principle: Just for today, I let go of worry. 

What is worry?  

Worry is created by our fear of an unknowable future.  We have the ability to create a future in our mind, but this future does not exist until we create it.  Therefore, when we worry, it is often for something that doesn’t exist.  The future is unknowable; to worry about it often creates the very future we are trying to avoid; the “self fulfilling prophesy”.  When we worry, we create a mental reaction to something that hasn’t happened yet.  This means that we are experiencing the emotion before the action.  We do this because we are trying to prepare ourselves for the worst possible scenario.  If we prepare for the worse, we experience the emotion of how the worse will feel.   This emotion gets stored into our brain and is then accessed every time we think about that situation.  Once this emotion has been established, it is quite difficult to see the future from a different perspective.  Because of this, we create the future we are trying to avoid.      

Worry often comes from a feeling of separation and isolation.  Unfortunately that is how society has trained us to think. Alone, we often feel small and vulnerable, and we worry about our ability to bear the burden of our survival. Little do we realise that we can easily have everything we need to survive.  
We worry about what we won’t have tomorrow instead of what we have today… when tomorrow is only a concept and today is a reality.  

Because we fear the future, we desire to possess more than we need to survive.  
This is a common state of mind in the west, which has inadvertently created hunger, war, and economic disparities throughout the rest of the world.  This creates more fear, as we don’t want to end up like someone who is hungry or poor, which causes us to possess even more stuff to ensure we not only survive, but survive comfortably.  Without worry, this cycle will end.  

Letting go of worry allows us to trust that we will be able to handle any situation the future brings us.  The more we allow ourselves to believe we will survive, the more we come in touch with a natural state of peace.  Peace does not mean that we live without challenges; it means we remain peaceful through those challenges without worry. 

There is truly no need to worry.  Of all life on earth, man is the only one who feels the need to worry about things that have happened and things that have yet to happen. When we review our lives we notice how little the huge disappointments of the past mean to us now.  We often find ourselves relieved that we didn’t receive some of the things we wanted so desperately.  From this we discover the big picture; the only thing that truly exists is the present moment.  To worry about something that hasn’t happened yet is something we do only in our mind.  Since worry only exists in our mind we have the ability to let it go."

==========================  

Shack, I am sure that eventually you will be able to CP anxiety out of your system. Once the place that anxiety filled inside of you has started to leave, fill that space with something that you desire and watch it continue to fill up. Absence of one thing will allow another to take it's place.

Light
crystal Rob

 

PS: Tomass, your girlfriend in your profile picture looks a lot like my girlfriend... uncanny.

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I have been thinking about the concept of pain. I now feel I have mild depression and my take on depression is that it's a reaction to avoid pain. Teal's video "The Meaning of Pain" goes into this. If accepting pain as if it's medicine it may lead to healing.

Can Safe Haven actually be the best place to feel pain? Where nobody else can be affected by your pain if they're expressed. Or would a reverse safe haven that's something of a hell designed to be as painful as possible be something to consider?

Edited by Shack1212

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19 hours ago, Shack1212 said:

I have been thinking about the concept of pain. I now feel I have mild depression and my take on depression is that it's a reaction to avoid pain. Teal's video "The Meaning of Pain" goes into this. If accepting pain as if it's medicine it may lead to healing.

Can Safe Haven actually be the best place to feel pain? Where nobody else can be affected by your pain if they're expressed. Or would a reverse safe haven that's something of a hell designed to be as painful as possible be something to consider?

Interesting thought pattern there @Shack1212. Safe Haven is for taking your trauma child you've gone to rescue to; so they have a place of safety and eventual integration with you in your adult life. So it's an intermediate place for the child to be in; being that you 'destroy' or 'dissolve the previous environment they were stuck in. The Safe Haven is where your rescued child finally feels Joy and safety. I'm guessing you know all about that though - so your question on "reverse haven" is essentially the hell you are already in and the hell you need to rescue your trauma child from.   

Does that help? So yes, your pain and sitting with it until you can dive deep into the feeling - which will take you (when you ask) to what has caused it.
Remember though, you may have several layers to integrate before you get to the Root Cause of it all.
Also remember, that you may have several types of pain. So isolating them through feeling flavour becomes a way to label different feelings (Emotional Vispanna).

Don't worry, the more you practice all this the better you get. feeling is everything - even pain as it's there for a reason; to teach you something. Depression you rightly guessed, is an overlay of something else, something deeper. Give yourself permission to dive deep.

Good luck and well wishes on your journey.

Light
crystal Rob 

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