LuxDie

Quitting my job

5 posts in this topic

Quitting my job

Hi friends. I'll try to be succinct with a big issue I have.

I am a web developer. I started working at this because I liked programming and it was a good source of income. After the first year doing it, I got bored with it, but kept doing it since I didn't know (or had interest in finding out) what else to do. Then a few years later, when the mounting anguish became unbearable, I finally quit. But I didn't look for something else to do. I just wasted away, playing video games and eating until my money ran out. Then I had to get another job, and since I was still at the same emotional point as the time I quit, I got a very similar job. Then I quit again. And did this a few more times, until today. I am STILL working as a web developer and now I'm at the point where since I'm not starving anymore, I'm conscious enough of my dread of doing my job. So I know the next step is to quit. But I don't want to keep repeating the same pattern. So I'm not really sure if I should quit or not.

I know I have a problem with commitment too, and I feel like I'm violating my commitment towards my current client if I quit.

Intuitively I feel that I should quit, then trust my inner self to guide me towards my next way of sustenance. But I'm scared of collapsing again, or not listening clearly enough, or being defeated by my fears. Should I quit?

Edited by LuxDie

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Try to find out what you would rather be doing for a living. Finish the projects that you have started and quit when you have decided your next step. 

Do you want to study something else? Would you like to be your own boss and start some typeof a business? What do you enjoy doing? Once you have an idea of what you'd rather be doing you can set up a goal to do that thing.  You might need to save some money if you plan on starting your own thing or going back to school. 

I think quiting without a plan,will only get you the same pattern. 

Good luck 

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Hey LuxDie !

I feel that it's important for you to find out what you like doing. What parts of this current job do you enjoy? Maybe it's the hours, the income like you said or the clientele. Find anything about this job that feels good, however small it may be. Make kind of like a Pros and Cons list, only what you enjoy vs what you don't.  

Doing this you will be able to decide whether this job is for you or not, and if it's not you can honor yourself by finding one that's more suitable.

Don't quit without a plan because you will more than likely fall into the same pattern and from past experience you know that is not what you want. Instead use the the list that you enjoy to find jobs that meet that need of yours.

I agree that you should follow your intuition but I don't feel in this situation that it would benefit you to just abruptly quit your  job. From that perspective it can seem like you're running away from yourself or like you said violating a commitment. You know when something feels good and when it doesn't, and if the decision at all feels like you're running away from yourself or rushing it means exactly that. You want to make the decision to quit when you are in a place of confidence and clarity. It's important for you to be aware of your motives to quit. 

By committing to what you enjoy you are not avoiding or running away, you are taking what you like from the job and finding something that is more fitting for you.  

I hope this helps!! You got this

Much Love

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If the job is not stressful,I would urge you to find a core belief that says "coding is not cool" etc or stay on it until you find the next calling with f u money.

Before junking the web-coding job,it would be great to use this trigger to be mindful during the job,scan the body where agitation takes place and dive into root cause of it(resistance).

May be you can go off horizontally and probe into fun system programming during non-work hours like raspberry-pi,work with fun languages like python so that you can exploit the skill momentum to its fullest.

Take up an injury free physical activity like swimming to blow off steam and energize yourself,if it is just boredom that is bugging you.

Best way to find out your core interests is to dive into your childhood interests.I loved water,guns&bow-arrow for example.So in my case,my solution was to learn swimming(I learned swimming at 31 with kindergarden children :D ),bought air rifle and practice shooting at bottles and trying to put pellets into inch groups&on my bucket list is to buy bows&arrows next.(Do note all this carry safety issues,so dont go for guns/bows if you are in a busy metro city)

Another way,is go deep into yourself.For regular folks (70-80%) it is easy to explore lucid dreaming so as to contact your higher self,spirit guides,shadows,your thought patterns etc..or just flying :-) .I would recommend you catch up on Robbert Waggonner interview on youtube.Dont forget to maintain a dream diary.That is a very fast way to lucid dreaming.

Or you can go bad shit radical and go for ayovasca or kambo frog venom with right settings. Check out Amber Lyon/ reset.me youtube page for reliable ayovasca retreats.

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Hey guys thanks for all the energetic answers, I really really appreciate them.

It seems I omitted some key information: I already know what I want to do. I want to go to space, and build better spaceships and space stations. I also want to produce music and sing and dance. This year I'm starting my Space Engineering career at the university, and I'm taking dancing lessons and learning music. And I intend to continue to explore my interests, although it's true that I tend to escape from them.

You all seem to agree that quitting without a plan is more like escaping than following my intuition. That's the reason I still can't make a decision, it still doesn't feel quite right. So I guess I'm going to take the advice and develop something on the side before quitting. And take the opportunity to do some inner work on my discomfort at work.

On the subject of games, I do think you can game in a healthy manner. Quitting games altogether feels like avoiding healing the unhealthy pattern that arises when gaming, which is, coincidentally, avoidance.

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