Ali

Please Help! Heavy panic attacks

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Heavy panic attacks

Hello community, 
 

a while ago, I posted something about fear, in which I stated that I had panic attacks around the thought of getting really ill.

It got worse since then, and the topic changed.

I am afraid of killing my mother for some reason. While the thought of harming someone is bad enough, the panic gets worse, because I am worried of losing control over myself. 

I am certain, that nothing will happen, but as soon as I get near my mother or think of her, I get these really bad panic attacks. Please help me! This feeling is unbearable!

PS: I don't think Teals video on panic attacks really applies, because I don't think you would compare a plane crashing to commiting a serious crime

PPS: I am currently taking Mirtazapine. I started taking 15 milligrams about two weeks ago. Maybe that information could help.

Edited by Ali
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I can't get away since I don't live on my own. I am going to see a therapist on next tuesday, but I need a band-aid or a quick fix to calm myself down and make sure that nothing is going to happen.

or maybe even understand where this is coming from, because it seems to come out of the blue. Everything helps

Edited by Ali

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Maybe I can describe what happened, before I got the panic attacks. Hope this will be okay to read.

Just for sake of not having to read a book to understand where I am coming from, I will keep this as short as possible.

I singed up for a private university, with the promise, I would take care of the finances on my own. That didn't work out, because I didnt want to work. So my mother had to support me financially, and even that was not enough, to keep my self afloat, because I did live a very unresouceful life at the time. Of course, my mother would pressure me about how bad I was with money, she complained about nearly everything I did. She always thought, that she knew better. In december, I decided to quit university, because I got insomnia at that time. After a week of having about 2-3 hours of sleep evernight, I did get a panic attack. I got sent to the hospital, and they gave me the mirtazapine, so I could get some sleep.  <-- this happened in mid december

fast forward to the 29th of december.

My mother had sent me back to my room, in which I didnt feel well at all. I was so mad, because she wanted me to go. I felt unwanted and not taken serourisly at all.
I did return back to my mother. On the 29th I went to boulder with a couple of friends in the boulder and climbing hall of our city. 
The morning after, I had to vomit. It was yellow-ish in colour, so it wasnt because of the food. That's when I was worrying about getting really sick and developing cancer or some sort of serious health issue.
That panic only lasted a day, and suddenly, the panic switched from getting sick, to hurting my mother and fear of losing control over my own body, although I dont want to hurt anybody. This is where the panic attacks start and never seem to end.

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On 1/17/2017 at 4:42 AM, Ali said:

@Garnet wow... what a helpful comment.

Ali, i am sorry i came across so cold! But i hope this at least caused you to switch your focus and not do something stupid and then regret all your life! 

From my understanding  you and your mom have no good communication and your knowledge about medical help sounds outdated. So if you wish to move on with your life, at least stop doing what you're doing to yourself. I think if you came across this forum  then you probably aware about thoughts creating our reality. There are many other resources and videos on panic attacks out there as well. You don't have to concentrate on just Teal.

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Honestly, as someone who has had tons of trouble with anxiety, I think you need to change your focus and tune into your higher self.  Anxiety is fear and the opposite of fear is love.  The more love you can immerse yourself in (spiritual love and clarity, self love) the better you'll feel.  Pain is an illusion of this life.  In the real context of things pain is a way to learn.  If you detach from your negative emotions and connect with love through spiritual study, meditation and recognition of the being of love and light you are, you will move away from that place of anxiety and turmoil and begin to focus on beauty and love.  If I were in your shoes, that's what I would start doing this very second.  Hope that helps.  Your focus is everything and right now it's on too much negativity...

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Yes, very true.  But in the scheme of things, wouldn't you consider pain an illusion?  In our true selves, pain doesn't exist, does it?  I can't imagine there being pain in heaven.  So I look at it as an illusion, like the things of this life.  This entire life is a dream.  Our reality is our light bodies of love.  We come here to learn and experience so the way I look at this planet and this life is that it is an illusion.  It's not truth or reality.  I'm curious as to how you see it?

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Hi @Ali,

It sounds not fun at all what you are going through and we all wish the absolute best for you.

How is your sleep these days? Feeling rested is important and will (very probably) calm you down. This is not a good time to start a big discussion about medication. If you feel that the pills help you then take them, but please do see it only as a temporary measure. Especially if they make you sleep well. I know the effects of insomnia all too well and it is awful! However, don't let the pills turn you into a zombie. your feelings are there to be felt not be numbed down.Maybe melatonin can help just as well with the sleep, it works for me.

If you are really terrified that you will hurt, please stay with a friend for a few days.

And yes, there is definitly a need for a talk between you and your mother, but as that is probably very difficult may I suggest watching Teal's video on venting you emotions in a different way.

Good luck!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0wAs-u4A2E&t=179s

 

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@walt @Passion4Purple

Neither of you is right, and neither of you is wrong. You both have different perspectives on what pain is. It is true that at the highest level pain is an illusion. After all is said and done, it's temporary. However, denying your pain can be a form of spiritual bypassing, and ends up denying the truth of where you are in a moment of pain. It is quite painful to see someone going through really hard, painful things in their life... but it can be even more painful to watch the person going through those things say, "Well, it's all for my highest good, pain is an illusion" . As can be, "Life is pain." Realize that both forms of thinking can be equally helpful and equally dysfunctional. Two contradictions are complementary truths.

 

Everyone who is telling you to get off your medication is being incredibly insensitive. Yeah, I'm calling you all out on your crap.  @Garnet @J.Haney

...and everyone else who immediately jumped on that-- NOT cool. Don't take my word for it, your reputations are just from other people on the forum, not from @Ali.  This is her  thread. She needs solutions for her problems. Your goal should be to help, not to be right. This is a calling to wake up and think before you spew. If you're mad at me, feel free to message me personally. But NOT on here.

 When you are forcing your beliefs on what medication should or should not be, you are not seeing @Ali where she is, right here, right now. NOT cool. Not to mention, I'm sure you all get your fair share of a glass of wine now and then, or even coffee. You are being a hypocrite. Thank me later for bringing this to your awareness. :P

 

From my experience, Ali, you will find out one way or another that your medication is getting you nowhere. But this cannot be forced. The information is out there. It should be put out there for consideration, and I would suggest reading up what the side effects are of your meds, but I apologize on behalf of all the people who ignored you. I have been in a similar space, with medication. It is where you are now. And that is okay.

I would encourage you to consider that it might be your medication that is causing you to feel this way. If it is what's causing you to feel worse, it WILL get worse with time. So either way, it will be revealed.

It is a choice that you are taking, how to handle this. Realize this. There is nothing outside of yourself that is going to help you, that is going to know you, or see you, as well as you. Eventually you will get to a place in your life where you are sick of feeling horrible and decide to forage your own path. Fuck what anyone else on here says. If you know that medication is right for you now, do it. But realize that this will likely change with time, as is the nature of things.

 

There are many core imprints here, such as lack of self-trust. And ironically, people invalidating your choice to take medication, is only strengthening this belief. I think for you personally it would help to tell (almost) everyone on here to get their stupid hippie heads out their butts and see you for where you are. You are in pain. You do not feel loved. Not feeling loved feels horrible.

 

If you need an outlet for violent thoughts, I would suggest anything besides actually acting on it... punching a pillow, screaming in a pillow, take it out on pillows. LOL. Any angsty bands that you like? I'd try listening to some pissed off bands to help you feel validated. You definitely have a reason for feeling the way you do, even if you have no conscious recollection of why. Make it okay for you to feel how you feel, because it's quite rare to come across people who have the capacity to give this to others.

 

I would strongly suggest using foods to help deal with panic attacks. A bit of my story-- I used to take amphetamines daily, until one day I had a seizure and found that it was dangerous for me to continue taking medications... The amphetamines left me with random anxiety that seemed to have no correlation. Another time in my life when I had bad anxiety was when detoxing fluoride, which I had accidentally ingested in large amounts in the water where I am at.

So, speaking of which, I think it would be a good idea to take a look at what you are ingesting. You are aware that you are comprised of mind, body, and spirit. While it is true that these issues are of the mind and spirit, I have found with myself that using tools in the physical to help with the nonphysical issues you are struggling with can work wonders on your state of being.

I am going to make 3 dietary suggestions that you follow if you would like to see improvements, is that ok dear? Message me if you would like more tips, but these are things you can implement NOW to start seeing immediate positive changes.

Is the water in your area fluoridated (have sodium fluoride added)? This is the first thing I will have you look at. Try looking up where you get your water from, your utility company. Water is incredibly sensitive, and you are mostly water, so if you are ingesting water that has toxins you will begin to see toxic thoughts and toxic emotions manifest. There is often a correlation between the substances you ingest, and how you are feeling. When my body was overwhelmed with fluoride, I noticed I had SEVERE anxiety that seemed to have no cause.

I would suggest buying water from the water machine at the grocery store. Some bottled waters still have fluoride added to it, and that's the last thing you want/need when you are in this sort of state.

The next thing I would suggest, is a Magnesium supplement. Most people are not getting enough magnesium in this day and age because it was one of the first minerals to become depleted in the soil with commercial agriculture.

Low magnesium can lead to anxiety, panic attacks, heart palpitations, constipation, depression, closed throat chakra, closed heart chakra... The list goes on and on. Magnesium is very important. I would reccommend you take about 150% the daily dosage when starting out, unless you have loose bowels, in which you should lower your dosage.

Magnesium can really help your body detox fluoride, and I've read before that the two substances compete and are used in the same way by your body.

Finally, I have found that DHA-rich fish oil works wonders for your brain, mood, anxiety, depression, heart chakra, the works. Fish oil has been shown to reverse brain damage in studies. It has an incredibly regenerative effect on your body's tissues, and is something else that most people are deficient in, in today's day and age...

 

Edited by Tessa Rae
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Because telling someone they are wrong for doing what is in their eyes, a self loving act, is a dick move. But OK. You can choose to block me instead of learning from this experience.

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Thank you, Tessa Rae for your input.  Pain is so real to me since my daughter passed that I keep reminding myself that overall it's just an illusion.  It can be debilitating to focus on the pain for too long...

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Please don't fight over this.

I did talk to a therapist today, and she said that those are obsessive thoughts. Thank god, I am starting my therapy in mid of march.

just gotta keep myself busy somehow until ittherapy starts.

I'll have a look at my diet for sure.

Btw: I am a HE, not a SHE haha :D

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@Ali how are you now? How are the panic attacks? Are you able to sleep better? Can you tell us what was her thought behind sending you to your room? Dont tell the words...do you think she had your best interest inher actions? 

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Hi, I am feeling a little bit better. I am sleeping well for the most part.
Honestly, I don't think she had my best interest in mind, when she sent me back to my room. She tried to make it seem like she did, but I don't believe her, tbh.

Edited by Ali
typo
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