Open Eye

I have PTSD. I'm drowning. I need a place to rest

13 posts in this topic

I have PTSD. I'm drowning. I need a place to rest

I have PTSD.  

I'm an extremely empathic and sensitive soul.

I can't work in a workplace or at home either.

I need a place to rest. with no pressure on me, nor expectations of me

I'm a feminine soul in a male body.

I feel like I'm going to be killed.

I never feel safe.

I can't relax and rest and heal in the presence of non-gentle people.

The people I'm currently staying with are fear-based and full of pain and anger.

I have no family or friends.

I was denied gov't benefits.

I have no money.

I am beyond exhausted.

I want to Be Me in this life, before I die some day.

I need a place to rest. Alone. And relax and open and feel and heal, and Be Me

where is my ship, where is my new watering hole

Here I Am, Loving Universe

 

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1 hour ago, walt said:

I checked myself into the crisis center when I felt I could no longer function. The people there were very helpful and understanding. It was nice to engage friendly people who did not judge me. I started taking antidepressants and I agreed to enroll in some sort of program where I answered what felt like thousands of questions. I wouldn't say it healed me but it certainly changed my path to something manageable.

The point is that reaching out is imperative. Engaging is a necessary component to recovery. It was very brave of you to come here and share your story. There are kind and generous people everywhere so never give up.

You are a beautiful man and have been a stalwart of comfort, safety, and wisdom. I thank you much :loldog:

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We, as a community, can do better than mainstream culture.

Traumatized persons [arguably most of us here are traumatized, by a culture that ignores and neglects our needs, and ignores that we are each a unique individual] need more than a crisis center.

We need sanctuary.

Speaking for MySelf, I know that I need a space that feels and is safe. Once I'm in such a safe space I can relax and feel my feelings. Teal teaches us to feel our feelings, so that those feelings be released and witnessed -and if need be, addressed,- and thus healed.

I will not take pharmaceutical drugs to numb out from my true feelings and my true Self.

I'm not a crisis. I'm a Soul. I love myself and take care of myself and I am stable even amidst these awful circumstances.

I don't need crisis intervention. I need a space to Be Me.

I don't need medical opinions, nor questionnaires. I'm very intelligent. I don't need a second opinion nor a diagnosis nor anything of the sort.

I have self knowledge, and I know in my heart and soul what I need, and its a place to Be

What would someone who loves themself do?

They would hold out for what they know they need. -in an abundant Universe that can provide anything anyone could need or want or dream.

If we look at the life of Teal, she found her Blake and her sanctuary, and went on to have a house and she had people live with her that she felt safe around, -so she could feel safe.

There are 9,755 members in this Teal community. I'm not giving up. My heart is open.

I live in the New England region in the United States. I'm willing to move.

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@Open Eye

Why is home not safe for you? And why can't you move out?

And, to be frank, taking anti-depressants is a good recommendation because what you are describing is high-level anxiety [at best], and whether you take to it or not is another matter. It's crucial to see a doctor who will diagnose the issue, and then things like working hours cutback and government benefits may come in. Unfortunately, that is how the system is; everything needs to have a 'proof' on paper so just be open and honest. 

You have to make the effort to reach out to the resources available in order to obtain the right help. It may not always be right straight away, but you really do have to keep trying. Don't give up on yourself. And do not even abandon yourself.  

Edited by L-Ava
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On 1/14/2017 at 1:36 PM, walt said:

I checked myself into the crisis center when I felt I could no longer function. The people there were very helpful and understanding. It was nice to engage friendly people who did not judge me. I started taking antidepressants and I agreed to enroll in some sort of program where I answered what felt like thousands of questions. I wouldn't say it healed me but it certainly changed my path to something manageable.

The point is that reaching out is imperative. Engaging is a necessary component to recovery. It was very brave of you to come here and share your story. There are kind and generous people everywhere so never give up.

:P

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This thread is about a person; Me

I am asking a moderator to remove all posts except #1, 2, and 4

The other posts are not relevant.

For reference, here is a definition of relevant:

closely connected or appropriate to what is being done or considered

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@walt you were very generous and opened up to a new poster who comes on here saying he is "drowning," he has PTSD, he is a woman trapped in a man's body, he is never safe, he has no money, someone is going to kill him, the people he's living off of are full of fear and anger etc. etc." 

Sounds like a crisis to me!

Walt offers a sincere and heartfelt response. He has the chutzpah to open up about his own personal experience of what sound like some very dark days but OP fires back with  "I am not in crisis I just need to be me but I can't pay my bills and I need to be taken care of.  I don't need a second opinion but I'm posting on a random message board asking for advice from strangers hoping one of the 9,755 message board members will take him in. Oh, and he's willing to move."  Okurrr... 

@J.Haney Teal has relied on psycho-pharmica for almost half her lifetime. So don't be so quick to knock it without first tipping your hat to Teal.  
 

@Open Eye You don't need to tell the mods how to do their duty -- they're on it! Asking them to groom this thread makes it seem like you can't cope with reality, but only in your own personally defined little sanctuary world.  It sounds like a crisis center would help you IMMENSELY and since you're willing to move, you can go anywhere. Hell! Go to Philia with Teal. Start a GoFundMe for the accommodation fee. Lots of Tribers are doing it! Good Luck and God Bless!

Edited by Beyonce
typo
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Hey Open Eye!

I just want to say that I understand the awful place you're in . November of last year I reached my lowest point. I was without friends and family and my panic attacks prevented me from living life. Every aspect of my life was swallowed by pain and emptiness. I never felt safe, EVER. It felt like I was in a permanent state of hyper-vigilance. I was always looking for danger in my environment and my sense of safety was gone. This had been going on for 3 years prior and I finally broke down completely in November. I quit university, my job at the time and a relationship of mine ended because of what I was going through. I couldn't physically function and I couldn't go on the way I was. 

Just so you know a little bit about me, during those 3 years before the break down I was doing everything I possibly could and I was extremely ANTI-DRUG. I hated prescription medication under any circumstance . So I never took medication, even after being prescribed it many times. I was an active advocate for drug free treatment and I would often get into arguments with those around me who felt differently. I didn't believe in labels of mental illness, I just felt it was a way to drug people and I would often promote organizations like CCHR. I tried many different things in the duration of those years to feel safe drug free but my condition didn't get any better. 

In November I attempted suicide.  I was cutting and self harming to the point  where that's all I thought about.  I found a bottle of anti anxiety medication that I was prescribed a long time ago but never took and I swallowed as much as I could. From that point I realized what I had done and I found the courage to call crisis and I was then rushed to the hospital by a family member. That was the first time in 3 years I allowed myself to get help. 

What would someone who loves themselves do? 

Would someone who loves themselves call for help? Would someone who loves themselves keep going the way things were? 

Staying at the hospital I decided to take medication and I have been on it ever since. There come's a point where it is no longer self loving to make the decision to not take medication. I don't know if you're at that point, and its not up to me to decide.Taking medication is now an act of self care for me. I am able to enjoy things like meditation and yoga now. And therapy is easier than it was before.I was numb and now I feel more of my emotions than I did being without meds. I went from a 1 to atleast a 4  and now I'm starting to swim instead of drowning.

Do I still believe medication is overly used ? Absolutely it's still a problem I feel very strongly about. I think how society handles emotions is completely whack and the psych hospitals should look way different than they do now.  We're moving towards that and hopefully soon we'll see more of the support in that area that we need. At the psych ward I was staying at there was a meditation room filled with awesome things like oracle cards, light therapy and yoga mats. SO we are moving in the right direction!

PLEASE don't rule out treatment opportunities even though they are flawed. Staying at a hospital for a couple of days can HELP. You are not forced to take medication against your will EVER and it can help you get back on track. After you stay at a hospital they have programs that follow up with support. I dont know what you have where you are, but I am now in programs that were impossible to get into before. 

you are so worthy of feeling safe and at peace. I trust in your ability to handle this and whichever decision you make will be the right one for you !! 

Take Care 

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Hi Open Eye.  Without getting into my life history much, let me just say that I too suffer(ed) from PTSD.  It's a process to recover from.  It's really hard to deal with and you will need help and information regarding it to heal.  If you need to see doctors, please see them.   In the beginning it's overwhelming but it does get better.  No matter what happened to you to cause you to get PTSD, you can heal from it.  You have to give yourself time and space.  It's not an overnight cure.  

People get PTSD from all sorts of things.  I'm guessing that you've gone through a lot and that's how you developed it.  One of the most important things you need to do is go from victim to victor.  And that too is a process.  The victim mentality is extremely seductive (physically) but also very detrimental (spiritually).  In order to become your true being of love and light, you need to address the issues(causes) of anxiety, fear and pain.  Then you begin to regain your footing and see glimpses of yourself as an over comer of the agony.

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On January 20, 2017 at 4:15 AM, J.Haney said:

Im not like everyone here who views Teal as some celtic goddess who has all the answers to whats right or wrong. Just because she did something or said so doesn't mean its going to be right. 

Thank Jebus! A critical thinker is among us!  

Your rant-y post was informative and fun.  What I was trying to say to the OP, is that this is Teal's board and Teal has relied on psych meds for half her life so if he's going post a cry for help and cite her material as his guiding light then he might think again before issuing an outright dismissal of what has worked for his "Dear Leader" and for other well-meaning posters, like Walt.  

Anyway, Teal's new husband works in big pharma and she has shares in his company, so be careful undermining her bottom line ok, you could get hit with the ban hammer! 

I didn't know about the SSRI/mass shooting connection, so thank you for sharing the links.  I'm always suspect of web sources that are unknown to me, so I will dig a little deeper and see if I can find the actual studies, but clearly anyone who engages in a mass shooting is mentally ill. 

I feel you though, in rare cases some people may need meds, but by and large we are suffering from an over-prescription epidemic in the US, including opiate prescriptions peddled to war vets.  As Trumpy would say, "Sad!"

Edited by Beyonce
TYPO

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As a long time PTSD sufferer , now almost cured , it can be a most horrid place to be. But what I can say is it is temporary. How long is up to you. Getting help is certainly the way to break out of the rut. The more work you do on your inner self , the quicker you will be able to function again.  The worst thing to do would be nothing , only prolonging the pain , which can be part of the problem as well . This is a very complex subject with out a one size fits all answer. What worked for me was a distraction, for me it was pot. Better than the other options but not for everyone. It was better to focus on getting high at that stage than to focus on the depression. Certainly stopped me taking my life. It gave me a purpose for a time. Not exactly a good purpose , but better than the negative thoughts.  Then it took a shorter time to give up the pot afterwards. But I can say this , without spiritual assention , I would more than likely still be stoned and depressed on the couch watching my life drift off in bong smoke. Now I get out there and live my dreams as much as possible , still like the occasional toke to relax though.!

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This part of my post will basically be a rant about medications:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It seems people are split down the middle about medication. In my opinion you are right to decline it. I think the justification that "they help sometimes" isn't worth the disastrous long-term cognitive and health impacts. I do not think that "they help sometimes" is good enough considering there are already drugs which are genuinely healthful, healing and consciousness-supporting.

In my opinion cannabis is a good approach. It can offer relief, which is what you need right now. Used consciously (which I think you are capable of, but most people aren't) it can be a very powerful tool for healing/shadow work as well as relief and enjoyment. It is very flexible. LSD is also an absolutely amazing healing substance. I cannot even describe the clear and healthful effects that even a tiny bit of LSD can offer. I owe my own recovery from PTSD to small amounts of LSD and cannabis combined with serious study and application of Teal's methods, as well as some small amounts of mushrooms. Scientifically speaking, psychedelics are the number 1 treatment substance for trauma issues, this is scientifically incontestable. Quite frankly, prescription medication is an ignorant choice in comparison, but I see a lot of people falling back on them because they believe they are even remotely effective. In truth most of the positive effects people get from medications are placebo, as much as 50% or more for SSRI's and SNRI's actually. Personally I value my own dignity too much to take something that will degrade my mind and body, and shut down my capacity for conscious free thought, all for an effect that is most likely placebo. Yes, I would even accept death over that, personally.

I'm sorry, but advocating prescription medication in anything but the most immediately dire of circumstances is ignorant. They are a cruel joke being played on humanity and it really is that simple. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of monumentally more effective alternatives. There is no excuse for advocating these psychopathic poisons. Personally I believe that true and effective healing will never occur whilst these poisons are present in someone's system. They shut you down hard.

And for the person who referenced Teal's journey of prescription medication: you neglected to mention the angle that this caused her immense pain and anguish, including disabling stomach pains for weeks on end. Her story is a cautionary microcosm.
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Getting professional help from the broken system is also OK. You don't have to take meds or do anything else that you don't want to.

You might also benefit from watching some of Teal's livestream's of synchronization workshops, they are VERY vibrationally strong and highly educating as well. I recommend the Toronto workshop for one.

I may add more later because our issues are not dissimilar.

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@howlinghurt Thank you, Lady. I have not been feeling well for the last couple of months aswell (you may have read my post), In which I was stating that I took an AD, but to no big use. I feel very suicidal today, but I am going to visit a friend, who is a healer, and I will try if that helps. If not, I will probably reach out to a psych ward to get some help. 
I think we all know, that medicine ALONE can't heal us completly, but it is more than okay to use medicine as a crutch to help us heal. 

BTW: recommending cannabis to someone who isn't mentally stable atm, is probably a bad idea. I had a couple of friends who almost ended up having a psychosis from taking cannabis, while they weren't feeling good.

Edited by Ali

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