EarthColours

Is loveless sex OK?

10 posts in this topic

Is loveless sex OK?

I've been a porn watcher for a very long time and I am just now giving up and experiencing many positive changes from breaking my addictive habits. Porn addicts experience many changes to their sexual desire including fetishes that are porn-induced and disappear upon abstention from porn.

So I have been teling myself for the last little while that my more animalistic sexual urges are purely porn induced and I'm really a nice boy and not interested in sex without connection. But lately I'm starting to question that and I find myself confused what I should be allowing myself to feel and what I should be redirecting my attention away from. I think I don't really want to lose this aspect of myself that is actually very powerful but instead learn how to use it.

So is all sensation-based sex or "fucking" as opposed to love making wrong? I feel like I'm being too moralistic here but clearly one can do a lot of harm too and then things are confused more by other people's attitudes.

I identify as bi poly BTW.

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I get confused about this too.

I think compassionate sex with a "friend" might be ok... All depends on how you feel about it.  There definitely should be some mutual respect and selflove. Indulging in activities that causes self loathing is juat aweful. Self abuse is never good. 

Addictions are usually just a way to escape some aspects of the self. Sexually over indulging or sexual deprivation are definitely a part of an abusive pattern I have with myself. I wish I knew how to find the ballance.

Edited by Vala
Took out a question about slaa (12 step program) after reading rules.
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3 hours ago, walt said:

You are not in your feeling body. This is a symptom.

I don't find comments of this style helpful. Can you elaborate please

 

Edited by EarthColours

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loveless sex? people do that all the time, and its a energy exchange, so if you are okay with getting that persons energy that's what you are doing. it's not wrong but its not the best thing. Porn is just fantasy and you get your fetish by your first arousal or orgasm and that memory is connected to that experience, like a button that always works. you can orgasm all day if you know how to retain your seed and nothing comes out, its the losing your energy part, you can have a orgasm and the sperm goes back in your body and you don't lose energy. If you know your body you can feel when you are about to orgasm and squeeze that area under your testicles with your hands for like 30 seconds when you orgasm and nothing comes out but you feel the orgasm, its pretty easy actually and you lose no energy.

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2 hours ago, Alex7 said:

like a button that always works. you can orgasm all day if you know how to retain your seed and nothing comes out, its the losing your energy part, you can have a orgasm and the sperm goes back in your body and you don't lose energy

Besides the energy loss issue I'm trying to get away from any dependency on porn or masturbation so that I am more active in the world, achieve more, and have real relationships and sexual experiences.

Edited by EarthColours

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7 hours ago, EarthColours said:

Besides the energy loss issue I'm trying to get away from any dependency on porn or masturbation so that I am more active in the world, achieve more, and have real relationships and sexual experiences.

try not masturbating and watching porn for like a month, a week at first and make that gap bigger and bigger as you go on. it does give you a false sense of reality and what is real and it makes you sexualize women, not in a good way. When you do that and see a girl sex doesn't even enter your mind, you see the person inside first, it sounds dumb but its true, your wiring changes and they can feel when there is a underline intention you give off. Being around feminine energy won't even scare you or intimidate you when you do that. that's what life is like without porn and thinking about releasing all day. its worth it, but its just like getting rid of any addiction.

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also women are beautiful, their supposed to be, so nudity itself isn't bad, just when it has this sexual energy attached to it is when it fucks up the whole beauty of it, unless someone likes that. you can look at naked pictures without the sexual energy just a normal naked body without the unhealthy sexual energy attached to it. that's okay, it is like art.

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4 hours ago, J.Haney said:

Theres nothing wrong with meaningless sex

Why?

4 hours ago, J.Haney said:

You're probably young

No, just inexperienced due to illness.

4 hours ago, J.Haney said:

by that is that adding another name to your lay resume does not prove anything about who you are and while there is a temporary ego boost

I do not have a lay resume, mental or otherwise. I agree with you though. I'm not trying to sleep with lots of women just for the sake of it. I'm faced with the possibility of sleeping with one and not sure whether I should proceed. I'm distrustful of ego and tend to avoid engaging in activities that increase it. If I feel like doing something makes me feel too proud I take that as a signal that I need to set higher standards.

4 hours ago, J.Haney said:

And stop watching porn, sex never goes the way you see in the porn scenes.

See 1st sentence of OP

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