Tessa Rae

Being ignored triggers me.

33 posts in this topic

Being ignored triggers me.

Law of Attraction is making this worse for me probably.

For some reason, I find myself wanting to connect with people who could care less about me. I say this, because it feels like those people I'm close to don't care about me because they are fine with ignoring me. Even people who say they will get back to me on a certain day end up disappearing.

In turn, I feel like I don't matter, and it's hard for me to imagine anyone giving a shit about what I have to say. Why the hell would anyone care, when I don't matter?

I've tried turning inwards, to see that I am ignoring myself somehow. But the only answer I seem to get is that I am not listening to the part of myself that wants to leave these people behind. I don't want to leave them behind because I still care about them. But maybe I don't care about them, I just care what they can do for me. It feels like I can't help but care too much about everything.

Is caring really the problem? No, of course not. But what the fuck. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only one who cares out of the people I'm close to.

Part of me feels selfish for wanting people to care. I haven't been doing well lately. I've been self harming a lot lately because it seems like it's the only way I have to cope with the anxiety and helplessness... But in turn, it just makes it harder to be seen. Who wants to pay attention to someone that's this painful?

I feel pressure to be better than I am, I feel pressure to be good enough, maybe if I'm good enough I won't be ignored. But a small part of me knows that no matter what I do I won't be able to make someone care, who doesn't. And it's painful because I thought that these people did care. 

Why do you think I keep attracting these people in my life? What's wrong with me? 

 

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4 hours ago, Tessa Rae said:

*reads that there's 7 views and no replies* **is triggered**  lol it's fun to make fun of myself, I can be so petty ;)

 

Hugs❤

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This is 100% a needs issue, and like walt already stated, specifically getting your needs for nurturing, significance, importance and connection met. I used to be exactly the same way, and I recently found that insignificance is a major imprint of mine. I highly suggest going into CP as soon as possible. It will probably have to do with how you were raised, and if you were raised by dismissive or emotionally neglectful parents. It's important to remember that just because people see you and don't say anything, doesn't mean they don't care. Most people are simply focused on other things, and that has to be something you become okay with eventually. This is also a self-love issue. Since I have been consciously practicing self love, I am not triggered when people ignore or dismiss me nearly as often, mostly because it simply doesn't happen anymore (or I don't notice at all if it does). :) 

Edited by lightworker
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@Mark Joseph Middleton 

Lol yeah, I'm mostly kidding about the stuff on the forum. ;) No deep hurts caused by that.

I do not mind being ignored by strangers on the street, or being ignored by most people. But it is when people close to me start ignoring me, that really fucks me up. 

Like for example, I send a text message just talking about life. Then it takes the person, usually a close friend, hours to respond. On a regular basis. Logically, I know there can sometimes be a reason for this... but all the time? I'm not stupid.

Then I go into the please love me dynamic that teal describes, where I just want these people to care. Then it's like, "why do I want these particular people to care about me if they don't?" And the answer is probably that I care about them. But maybe I don't actually care about them, because by the time I hear from them I'm usually pretty upset their lack of caring about me. Then it feels selfish, like maybe I'm just using people as a way to feel better about myself. (I am pretty introverted too, so it's not like I put myself out there a whole lot) :/

What is stopping me from meeting other people?

I get so sick of letting people in. I feel like I go into friendships with my head on the chopping block and counting down, just waiting to be disowned. I am easily misunderstood, and I get so tired of putting myself out there to just be rejected by people. Not to mention I just feel like my story is kind of unusual, and hard to understand. Lately I've just been feeling like life itself makes NO sense. And it's just exhausting to try and mention what the hell I've been through the past few years, because in some ways it doesn't even feel real.

@lightworker

I did get the completion process the other day... I feel like a lot of my biggest hurts took place in my teen years, with roots in childhood. I've still been getting through the intro, not getting into the actual process. 

I'm actually like in a space of emotional detachment where I'm just letting go of these people emotionally. I think it would be a good idea to try and meet people who do give a shit, it's just hard because I'm not really in school or anything and I feel like school would be the place to meet such people... But the less attached I am to these people, the easier it will be to just pick up and go somewhere else if need be.

@Redbeard I have actually done the work as well on this issue before. But here's the thing, it's not much of a long term solution... Like I could question my beliefs all I want but it doesn't change the fact that I'm shopping for milk at the hardware store. And since this is kind of a habitual thing, I feel like it is the people I'm with possibly. :/ 

Thanks for your replies everyone... I guess I just really want to feel like I matter. When I'm ignored, I feel like I don't.

But then there's also a part of me that just wants to push people out to see who will try to see if I'm okay. Or just disappear and see if anyone gives a fuck... 

Edited by Tessa Rae
clarifying

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Hello, Tessa! i think with today's technologies it's very hard to disappear... Even if you think no ones gives a fuck, trust me, at least IRS always does... lol

I am myself just so happens had to dive into the shadow work about this subject. Been at home sick for days now... What's interesting i did get general messages from here and there asking how's it going. I haven't responded to all of them yet but I did ask myself the same question "What is stopping me from meeting/seeing other people?" - when I am at my worst,  I don't want to be seen.

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I recently stopped talking to my dad and I didn't even text him back when he said happy new year, he plays with emotions and it isn't real, you can say he's a narcissist. I don't know the real him, he just shows me this bullshit manipulation thing he does and he's a compulsive liar(this is why I hate liars, I will call your ass out of you lie to me). You know how you think you need to stay with your family because they're your family and blood? some people have this with friends even if they are shitty friends, they stay with them, like a bad relationship. If you cant express the real you to them, its not a real friend or real love. those people for sure exist.

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@Garnet It is quite easy to disappear from the internet, do the bare minimum to avoid anything dramatic happening (i.e. tax evasion), and talk to people only when critical. I think in this day and age disappearing from the internet is the closest thing to not existing at all, you know? Understand that this is not a matter of 'if', it's a matter of 'will'... joking aside, it's possible, at least for me.

I like that, when I'm at my worst, I don't want to be seen. Sometimes I feel like I never want to be seen though; like I always feel like I'm at my worst. :S

@Alex7 This isn't about family, I don't think I mentioned family in this post.. But I'm sorry that you have had to deal with a crappy dad too.

I understand that if someone is toxic it should be a no brainer. Speaking in terms of light and dark, if someone is completely filled with darkness it's easier to tell they aren't shining their light. However, I trust that you understand that these things are seldom a matter of black and white... Many of these are not high contrast at all but just slightly different shades; that's the hard part, is discerning what is what.

If a friend and I have a relationship that is greyscale leaning towards darkness, I'll still remember the times that we were a few shades lighter. It's not that they're "shitty friends", it's just that it really means a lot to me that I be treated with respect, and taking forever to reply/ignoring me just feels super disrespectful to me. So that would be a dark aspect, even though most other parts of it are light... e.g. I really love who they are as a person, and I like hearing from them... I just... Am not sure if they feel the same way about me, you know? It just doesn't feel mutual when I'm waiting around to talk to someone who doesn't want to do the same for me. 

I don't even need to do anything... I can just stop pursuing these people and see if they pursue me... and then if they don't, I will just drift away. I just wonder if I'll drift away anyways because I already feel heartbroken. I guess time will tell...

 

Edited by Tessa Rae

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10 hours ago, Tessa Rae said:

 

@Mark Joseph Middleton 

Lol yeah, I'm mostly kidding about the stuff on the forum. ;) No deep hurts caused by that.

I do not mind being ignored by strangers on the street, or being ignored by most people. But it is when people close to me start ignoring me, that really fucks me up. 

 

Same here. I dont know whats their problem. These same people....we had wonderful time once upon a time and nothing had gone wrong between us. I guess these are all low level people. 

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10 hours ago, Tessa Rae said:

@Redbeard I have actually done the work as well on this issue before. But here's the thing, it's not much of a long term solution... Like I could question my beliefs all I want but it doesn't change the fact that I'm shopping for milk at the hardware store. And since this is kind of a habitual thing, I feel like it is the people I'm with possibly. :/ 

You are right that the Work is very suited for situations and while it has helped me also with beliefs like "Daniel is dick" (a friend), the work has taught me more that I cannot judge people directly for how they react. So whenever I get triggered it becomes easier and easier to see 'the problem' from somebody else's perspective. I can still get upset but not as much as I used because of that empowerment.

11 hours ago, Tessa Rae said:

Like for example, I send a text message just talking about life. Then it takes the person, usually a close friend, hours to respond. On a regular basis. Logically, I know there can sometimes be a reason for this... but all the time? I'm not stupid.

I freaking hate it when that happens! Can very much relate to that. I don't know very well what to do about it, but for me it helps to remember that they are truly my best friends and that I love them and they love me. It doesn't make the situational feeling better and as a result of their ignoring I start ignoring them.. yeah okay no real solution from me. I am just more open to meeting other people these days..

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2 minutes ago, Redbeard said:

You are right that the Work is very suited for situations and while it has helped me also with beliefs like "Daniel is dick" (a friend), the work has taught me more that I cannot judge people directly for how they react. So whenever I get triggered it becomes easier and easier to see 'the problem' from somebody else's perspective. I can still get upset but not as much as I used because of that empowerment.

Yeah :) I don't know, maybe it bothers me because it takes a lot of 'work' (boddom chhhh....) to sort through emotions when they come up, and I'd rather have a quicker solution or people who would be able to at least most of the time not abandon me. It's hard for me to let people in again after betraying me. (well I say that, but I have been going back thinking that it's the exception, even as its slowly turned into the rule...)

2 minutes ago, Redbeard said:

I freaking hate it when that happens! Can very much relate to that. I don't know very well what to do about it, but for me it helps to remember that they are truly my best friends and that I love them and they love me. It doesn't make the situational feeling better and as a result of their ignoring I start ignoring them.. yeah okay no real solution from me. I am just more open to meeting other people these days..

I don't know. I guess if this were the only thing I'd have less of a problem with it, but it's not, i've also been bullied and my friends didn't stand up for me until i called them on it. If I felt it was deserved, fine, but I really didn't feel like it was. I stood up for myself but it got really fucking lonely after a while and it's like 'gee, they must not be standing up for me because they must  actually think I'm a jerk'. And then it's like, 'what the hell am I doing? I thought these people cared about me but they actually think I'm a jerk' :/

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7 hours ago, Tessa Rae said:

@Alex7 This isn't about family, I don't think I mentioned family in this post.. But I'm sorry that you have had to deal with a crappy dad too.

I understand that if someone is toxic it should be a no brainer. Speaking in terms of light and dark, if someone is completely filled with darkness it's easier to tell they aren't shining their light. However, I trust that you understand that these things are seldom a matter of black and white... Many of these are not high contrast at all but just slightly different shades; that's the hard part, is discerning what is what.

If a friend and I have a relationship that is greyscale leaning towards darkness, I'll still remember the times that we were a few shades lighter. It's not that they're "shitty friends", it's just that it really means a lot to me that I be treated with respect, and taking forever to reply/ignoring me just feels super disrespectful to me. So that would be a dark aspect, even though most other parts of it are light... e.g. I really love who they are as a person, and I like hearing from them... I just... Am not sure if they feel the same way about me, you know? It just doesn't feel mutual when I'm waiting around to talk to someone who doesn't want to do the same for me. 

I don't even need to do anything... I can just stop pursuing these people and see if they pursue me... and then if they don't, I will just drift away. I just wonder if I'll drift away anyways because I already feel heartbroken. I guess time will tell...

yeah I think im too much for some people lol because I don't pretend like I don't have the entire spectrum of emotions and I express them but some people don't like it, they see it as like complaining, but that's the built up emotion in me whatever it is, and I don't mind expressing it, I like to actually, just not everyone is sensitive enough to feel emotions and be okay with all of them. I don't think I could be numb if I tried.

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21 hours ago, Tessa Rae said:

 

Like for example, I send a text message just talking about life. Then it takes the person, usually a close friend, hours to respond. On a regular basis. Logically, I know there can sometimes be a reason for this... but all the time? I'm not stupid.

I am actually guilty at doing this. But I am lucky to have close friends who know and understand that my hands are full and that i am easily distracted with everything that isn't about me. That's why  it takes me time to switch my focus from everything else to myself and formulate an answer to a simple question like "how's life". Turns out  not that simple for  me when it comes to my dearest Golden Nuggets :)

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