Astrid Elisabeth

How to find your purpose when you have lack imprint?

6 posts in this topic

How to find your purpose when you have lack imprint?

I'm always trying to understand more of what my life purpose is, sometimes I feel I have a decent understanding, and other times I feel completely lost. There are two main problems I encounter when I try to figure it out:

1. Having experienced severe emotional lack, needs that were unmet. When I try to answer "what do I want?", it's like the needs take over the show. I want to be loved and appreciated, I want to have safe connections, feel valuable etc. And those are needs. It's like my inside is saying, "I don't care what I do as long as I get love". So when I try to set that aside and ask what would I want if I had love and all my needs met, the answer is "I have no idea". Because I have never experienced it more than a few brief moments. Anyone else have this problem? How do you get further?

2. Being compromised so early in life. When I try to remember what I did for fun as a kid, I remember being shy and feeling less worthy than everyone else. I didn't dare to ask for anything, I had what psychologist call avoidant attachment style. I made myself small to not bother anyone. I remember that I liked animals, and I liked to draw a bit. But other than that, trying to find what I was good at nothing stands out. The closest I get is that I might be good at listening to others, observing and analysing others because I had to... but I can't remember anything that I'd actively do just for fun and not to get something out of it (like being seen, get positive attention, feeling good enough..)

So how to find purpose from this situation? It feels hopeless at times, because of the lack existing all my life, because of everything that was not there, and everything I didn't do. My life has been characterized by non-doing. I stopped talking, I had no friends, I haven't partied (31 now), I've never been drunk, never smoked, never seen a football game, never learned to swim. You get the point. The list goes on and on and on. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for letting me rant and share. :-) Much love.

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey boo, I can really relate to this a lot. I also had an avoidant attachment style and the same minimizing of myself and isolating myself from everything, and not knowing what I want or what my purpose was. My parents were extremely emotionally neglectful and dismissive which led to an all-consuming belief in my own inferiority and unimportance. Thankfully, these feelings are not as strong in me anymore and they are things that I have integrated in a large part thanks to Teal :) 

I think the issue here is that you need to focus on getting your needs met, not trying to find what your purpose is. Your purpose isn't one concrete thing necessarily, your purpose can change from one moment to the next, your purpose is always here in the now, it's not some grand idea. Your purpose will come naturally as a byproduct of following your bliss. Part of doing that is learning how to love yourself. When you ask yourself what you want and you get "love" and you dismiss that answer as not good enough, you are dismissing yourself. You are dismissing the part of you that needs love. If you want to find your purpose, let yourself get your needs met. Seriously, for about 8 months now I  stopped focusing on everything except self-love. I have lived by the mantra "what would someone who loves themselves do?" because this is what I have needed for so long, and as a natural by-product of that one simple act of meeting my need for self love, my life has changed COMPLETELY and continues to do so on a daily basis. I am seriously not who I was even a month ago due to this process. I have made new friends, improved my income, quite drinking, become vegan, got rid of many things that were holding me back, I exercise daily because I want to, not because I have to, I've lost weight, my skin has cleared up and I've become more intuitive. Those are just the things that I have noticed anyways. I've also been able to have more genuine and real relationships with people because I am dedicated to my meeting my own needs first. I have been able to focus on my art, my work and enjoying my life.

The point is that, getting your needs met is a mandatory prerequisite to finding your purpose.

I highly encourage you to watch Teal's videos called: Meet your needs, How to discover what you want, how do I discover self worth?, self love - the great shortcut to enlightenment. 

 

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can very much relate to your story on how I have mad myself small as a child as well. Always living up to other people's exptectations and never wanting myself to much, because if I didn't there would be friction or worse: conflict! and that was the one thing I absolutely could not stand. This has also numbed down my emotions greatly. Since not long ago I too noticed my passive way of living and figured out that I actually didn't fully knew what I wanted in life. So just like you I did Teal's excercise on finding your negative imprint but didn't find anything. I also figured that I like to play video games as a kid, but now I have no intention on working with computers.

At first I found this frustrating, because people around me have good jobs and like what they do, also the internet shows a gazillion people who have launched 20 startups before they turned 30, travelled to 70+ countries and just bought their first house. So what did I do? I thought "well fuck that, that is there life not mine. I am not living up to anybody else's standard, so if it takes me another few years to figure out what I want than that is fine, but let's at least try to be happy in the mean time.

 

On 10-1-2017 at 8:29 PM, lightworker said:

Seriously, for about 8 months now I  stopped focusing on everything except self-love. I have lived by the mantra "what would someone who loves themselves do?" because this is what I have needed for so long, and as a natural by-product of that one simple act of meeting my need for self love, my life has changed COMPLETELY and continues to do so on a daily basis.

And Lightworkers advise turns out to be some solid advise on getting happy. It is such a powerful and simple thing to ask yourself and it truly does wonders :) Look it up in Teal's video about "Self Love, the greatest shortcut to enlightentment." Thanks to that I am calling old friends again, write some things in a journal, guild free watch 6 episodes of Rick and Morty, go visit museums and lately it tells me that I need to play violin so will have to look into that soon ;) Things are a lot easier when you follow your gut and not your brain and "what would somebody who loves themselves do?" is a very excellent gut following apparatus.

On 9-1-2017 at 8:10 PM, EarthAngel9 said:

Thanks for letting me rant and share. :-) Much love

as much as you like :)

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I relate so much. I am 39 years old at college now ?

What do you like in life now? What colors, music, fashion, activities, books, sounds, smell, taste and so on..? It helps with figuring some of the stuff out. 

I struggle with receiving love,because it is so hard to picture. Maybe we should ask Teal...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She is absolutely right. I have been working on most of this for a while. I did, however, see a couple of things I need to focus more on.

Thank you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now