lanamarie

Not Sure Where to Start

2 posts in this topic

Not Sure Where to Start

Hello, everyone! 

I have been watching Teal for many years now and have found a lot of strength and help from her messages. But it is now, when I am feeling extremely intense emotions, that I am not sure how to go about dissecting them/healing myself. I'll give a little background:

I've been seeing this boy for a few months now and we're very different. We don't have a lot of things in common, especially not in the way that we communicate- he is quiet and keeps a lot of things in, I always need to speak my mind. He is recently out of a long term relationship and I was considering ditching the relationship altogether, but we agreed that we both feel passionately enough toward each other even though it is so new. The problem is that I keep feeling like everything will fall apart or that we shouldn't be together as a result of how I feel or how he acts in certain situations and I need to ask him often how he is feeling because he won't tell me unless I ask. I feel afraid to speak my mind or ask how he is feeling because he doesn't seem to like to talk about those things. I feel like bringing them up will result in him leaving me or thinking I'm crazy. (Which doesn't sound horrible at this point, but it does feel like avoiding whatever is going on within me.)

What's weird is how intensely I feel about these things. I don't even know him that well. I have given him an out before and offered different relationship dynamics, but he didn't want to take them. He hasn't said much to me but I am feeling worse than I have felt in a very, very long time. I am experiencing serious self-deprecating thoughts, feeling like I am crazy, unwanted, unworthy, unnecessary, a place holder. Basically, I feel super powerless, and I don't believe I am this way generally so this is very unsettling. I am intensely curious as to why I am a match to this sort of person. We are opposites in so many ways. I can't tell what the mirror is supposed to be showing me.

The pain I am experiencing feels so unreal and deep that I am confident this is some sort of mirror of my relationship with my father. I woke up crying this morning and even though I know it is not something miniscule going on, it feels like it doesn't make sense given the short amount of time I've known this person. (I should also add that I didn't feel this horrible/great way for him until we started having a great sexual connection, which lead to us talking 24/7 and seeing each other all the time.) I fear greatly that I will always end up with unattainable men, or not trust what they are telling me, because I felt this way about my father. I just feel intensely confused, like there is a huge cloud of smoke before my eyes, and nothing makes sense. 

I should also say that I do not believe that what I am feeling is "wrong," only that it is extremely unpleasant and I have no idea how to create a vibrational improvement within myself. (Which also feels like I am trying hard to avoid this bad feeling.) Any help or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

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Hi Lanamarie,

This is just what i think, so its  just my opinion.

Young man often have problems talking about their feelings , its not that they don't have them, they never learned how to do that or feel uncomforteble  about it, perhaps  they don't feel like a man when they do so.

I also think you mirror the feelings that you had towards your father on your friend.

I wish for you that you get  more respect for yourself and more selfconfidence, you must know you are enough, tell yourself that every day , several times, and know its true.

That there were/are man in your life now from wich you think/thought they were/are not honest to you does not mean it wil always be the case.

If a man is not honest to you , in my eyes he is not the man you must be looking for, its a lack of respect for you, i don't think you must see a man who has no respect for you, no woman should.

A man should love and respect  his  woman  or girlfriend in every way is my opinion, or else he  is not a man.

On a subconsious way  you are perhaps afraid of getting a man who is in a way the same as your father.

But you should be able to ask him how he feels or tell  him how you feel, if thats a reasson for him to leave you, what you  are  afraid of, he is with you just for sex, not because he loves you , and you should be glad  to see him go.

Perhaps you can do something with this , its just some advise from a dutch guy, i wish you a nice and happy life , with love and respect  between partners.

 

Edited by Lightpower

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