Ashl_ey

I'm not sure how to sink into a feeling.

4 posts in this topic

I'm not sure how to sink into a feeling.

I have been unsuccessful at triggering myself. In the two or three childhood traumas that I'm conscious of, I only feel strongly affected by one and the moment I consciously bring my presence to it, it dissipates. I've tried sitting with the nothingness or frustration from it dissipating and I can't really feel that either!

Have I just been so conditioned to avoid my feelings that I now have this difficulty sitting with them or even the absence of them? I know I am capable of feeling. There's just no depth in my relationship with the feelings that seems accessible from where I'm at. 

Edited by ashl_ey
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Cloudy said:

Hey,

I think the problem might be that you attempt to jump a few steps. Maybe you try to access your very suppressed feelings by ignoring the thick wall that is sitting between you and them.

I suggest you try to just be present with that wall, to visualize it, to touch it, to study it. How thick is it, how high, how old? Just sit with it, without attempting to overpass it in any way. Also ask yourself how is it serving you.

And what do you do after you have talked with your wall? I, like many people, have a wall and talked with it a few times. I like how my wall serves me but I also recognize the limitations it brings me and any intention of removing that wall (and excepting both the good and bad consequences) never worked

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for this discussion. I was struggling in the same way that Ashl_ey was struggling. Feelings coming and evaporating soon as they come, me sitting with what ever was happening, not able to trigger my self at all! As soon as I felt a negative emotion and sat with it I would feel better just as soon as it came. I'm way too trained on making my self feel better. Or I would try to hang on to a negative emotion and unnaturally over emphasize it to the point were it would be fake, and on and on and on I just kept running circles. But after reading these post, and caring on with life, that gnawing feeling came up (that gnawing feeling I get when I suddenly grave junk food, gum, nail biting, any detraction, etc.) and in the moment I was able to not run from my emotion and admit to what my very well trained wall was keeping me from admitting to, and that was the (freighting) truth that part of me really doesn't want to be here. A truth that I try so so hard to dismiss when I'm having an anxiety attack and trying to hold on for dear life and thinking of all the reasons to convince my self to stay so that my spirit wont give up on life. But in doing this I have unknowingly trapped the very pain that makes me want to die inside. So... after facing the truth a feeling memory of my baby self at deaths door trying to hang on for life was able to surface and I can finally work with her and free her..... So maybe the 2 factors that helped me break this barrier was my willingness to admit to what scared me the most and being able to catch my self in the moment, because when I sit down to meditate that's one of the things I do to make my self feel better and I'm way tooo trained on making my self feel better that it's hard to trigger my self in that situation. Hopefully this comes as some help as your comments did to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now