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M_The_Raven

I feel as if I'm going fail my final exam

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I feel as if I'm going fail my final exam

I worked so damn hard.  

And yet.  I have had a really tough time retaining the information of the final few classes of my year of arduous study. 

I had many successes.    I'm done in a few days. 

And yet.   I honestly don't know if I'll pass.   I tend to work slowly and don't finish on my deadlines and therefore get many points reduced.   

Yet.   It's not time management.  It's just that the work is hard and time consuming. 

And I've been a bit confused by it lately.  It's sort of like the bar exam    Like a big test that you gotta study extra hard for   It takes all ur time  many people fail it.    I just never planned on failing it.   I will take it again

 

but   I'm really so damn close    I could finish it     I need a little support  

 

I think i may actually be realistic this time and expect to segue a plan b.   

I'm kind of bummed. 

Im not sure how to finish this all in time.  

Edited by M_The_Raven

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Whatever.   I tried too hard to pass something I was never smart enough to pass in the first place

 

i may get a non-passing grade on this upcoming exam.   Or I may slide by. 

Fact,   No one learned or grew more in matter of 6 months more so than i

I went from zero skills    To awesome in the biggest sprint of your life    

Ive never been good at structure  

but does it even matter?

detachment

 

let the angels decide  

 

 

I lost but won

Whatever.   I tried too hard to pass something I was never smart enough to pass in the first place

i may get a non-passing grade on this upcoming exam.   Or I may slide by.   Either way   It's going to take more than 6 months to be an expert on certain things im very new to   

Fact,   No one learned or grew more in matter of 6 months more so than i

I went from zero skills    To awesome in the biggest sprint of your life    

Ive never been good at structure  

but does it even matter?

detachment

 

let the angels decide  

 

 

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On 12/28/2016 at 7:09 PM, JiantDwarph said:

I will send Rei Ki  spiritual support as best that I can, just quit with the negativity BS and get busy.

Much luck to you.

Namaste friend

Omg I have like 12 hours to my thesis deadline.  And now I'm too tired to work effectively.  I tried.  Got nowhere. .   My frustration is at all time high. 

I'm unhappy and feeling overtired and drained.  I'm like working so hard and moving so slow.   I'm not going to be able to finish in time.   I'm in bed because I haven't slept at all in a while.  And I need it.  

 

I really need some advice. 

I feel like such a loser right now. 

I'm not looking for a pity party.  It's my actual emotions right now.  I had to be honest.   I'm frustrated and upset. 

Ughhhhh --- what a nightmare.   I came all this way and I'm going to miss my oppurtinity to get what I want.  

I worked so fargin hard.   And that's a consolation.  I learned a lot.  But.   Fml.   I don't want to fail.  

I just am behind schedule.  And I don't know how I'm going to finish this in time for deadline. 12 hours from now

Edited by M_The_Raven
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And I am not sure whether to sleep or force myself to work.   But I'm totally inneffective right now.  My brain is just too tired to think straight bc I haven't slept 

My emotions are completely out of alignment.  I'm just frustrated beyond belief.  

Not at anyone in particular.  I didn't let myself down. I fought to last second.  Up to this point. 

Not mad at anyone.  I'm just really emotionally messy. 

Edited by M_The_Raven
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I don't know.   I emailed the teacher and administrator.  Was honest.  

If I fail.  I failed.   What makes it frustrating is the ridiculous deadline.   And I couldn't finish in time.   

Oh well.   I failed.    No one can say I didn't try my hardest.   It's just I ran out of time.  And missed the deadline.  

I worked to the last second and failed. 

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Perhaps my biggest frustration is how damn good this thesis is.    It's just not done.   It's really unique.   It's brilliant.   And I feel upset bc I didn't get a chance to get it done in time.   It's a quality work tho 

half of the thesis is in computation. 

Meaning I wrote software and used it to analyze data.   And it's not perfect.   It's damn good tho    I just wish I could work faster.  But I can't.  I can only work as fast as I can retain information and research and implement. 

Then.  I have to use it to make analysis with. 

Its really slick stuff.    It's too bad it took me so long to get it done.   I had to learn to do many new skills to get the job done.   I'm very close.  But I need some time to make it work. It's full force bugs. 

Edited by M_The_Raven
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Sigh.  It's not the best I've seen. But it could be.    I don't have the time to make it truly great in such short time and I had to figure out what I was building first.  

It was arduous and time consuming getting up and running.   Bc I had to do so much research. 

And I'm a working professional seeking my degree at night.  So.   Let's just say I've had no life for about 6 months.   

All to get to the end and fuck up my thesis.   Geez

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I flunked the law of detachment up to now. And I realized.   Let it just vibe.  

Nothin can be done. I have no control over it.  I take a while to get past a hard learning curve and usually I excel beyond that.   It's just frustrating

SOOOOOOOO CLOSE. 

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8 hours ago, M_The_Raven said:

I don't know.   I emailed the teacher and administrator.  Was honest.  

If I fail.  I failed.   What makes it frustrating is the ridiculous deadline.   And I couldn't finish in time.   

Oh well.   I failed.    No one can say I didn't try my hardest.   It's just I ran out of time.  And missed the deadline.  

I worked to the last second and failed. 

I know the feeling.  I've just failed too though in the oral exam. I blame myself for handing the assignment  instead of  having enough selfknowledge  to hand it in blank to begin with and wasted my own and others time. I've got a second chance, but now everything is delayed and will probably not graduate with my fellowstudents.  I need structure too and I actually planned everything before starting the semester, but external circumstances insisted on interfere and blocked the successful outcome. I have told the truth to my fellowstudents that feels good, because I normally would hide and keep it secret. Nevertheless it gives me three and a half  month to rethink my project and life. Maybe the univers tries to tell me something, maybe it is the wrong path or that I should slow down. Best regards Maria

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My heart goes out to both of you guys (if you are not guys, I just promoted you both). Perhaps you both will get lucky and can be granted a second chance, if so you already know what to expect and can be better prepared.

I wish there was something I could do to change things for you both, but all I have to offer is Reiki, and I give it selflessly to both of you.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Namaste friends, Reiki for ever.

Jack

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Ughhh.   I have a confession. The day they failed me.   They sent me back to square 1. 

Basically felt like Sysphus carrying a giant boulder up a hill and at the top rolled back on me.  

My predicament was like almost a self sacrificial cram to finish by January so I could expand and move forward and stride forward. 

I had a huge RAGE attack the other day and told off all my teachers.   And was basically feeling as if I'd just been robbed of 6 months of my life.    Like 6 more months. 

And I wigged out. 

It was like this enormous outburst of "go fuck yourself you stupid narcissist" vibe. 

And then I followed up.  " you think I'll quit? You underestimated me you son of a bitch"

and I have to begin again from square 1 after 6 months of non stop work. 

And i refuse to quit.   I just feel like I shouldn't have blown my temper

but in all honesty.    I was truly pissed off.  It was like they could've just given me a week extension.   Instead they sent me back to the first grade.      Was on 6th grade. 

I called him a son of a bitch who was pissed that Harry Potter outsold his book that no one bought this decade except me.  And I read it. Did the work.   Needed the extra week to finish

anyway.   Now I feel like I'm in limbo.   6 months.  I'm going to pass it this time.    I've determined myself to do it. 

But i. Blew my top.   And.  I feel like it probably surprised them.  

Anyway.  It was an intense charge.  Of emotional durress. I don't feel sorry.   I don't know what I feel. 

But tommorow.   I start class.  Again.  The same stupid shit I already passed 6 months ago.    And I feel like I'm on fire. .  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fuck them though.   They think they can get rid of me ?   Well they're wrong.   And I'm not quitting.   But it destroyed my whole 6 months of plans ahead.  And I let it known how angry I was.  

And.   It didn't do me any good.  Except. It felt good letting it all out at the time.     

Im not afraid of facing them.   They should. Be afraid of facing me.  

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