Guest MikaelaSapphire

suicidal thoughts but would never do it

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Guest MikaelaSapphire

suicidal thoughts but would never do it

hello

i am a 21 yr old girl named mikaela. i follow teal sometimes and resonate with her work. . i am quite aware myself but so easily have fallen into a trap wen something hurts me to the point where i cant do this anymore i have thoughts like i want to kill myself and it feels good as i don't have to get hurt by what is hurting me and can black out into it. however i am very sensitive and i feel the thoughts affecting my vibration and it feels like i have  a cloud of grey submerging me and it feels i have no will to live and i dont know what to do..

i just say i want to die and it feels so good i wish i could see and feel the light like everyone else but this is how i am feeling :, (

 

i am in the middle of reading teal swans book 'scyltor in the sky' and she says death feels wonderful!!!!!

Edited by MikaelaSapphire
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Thank you for your vulnerability, Mikaela. You're in the right place. We are glad you would never do it, and we would collectively like to work towards helping you improve your vibration relative to your safety and self confidence. If you want to take us deeper with more information, we would like to know: have you identified any triggers to this situation? Are you dealing with family members or peers when you feel the MOST hopeless?

I once had a death experience while on LSD. The way I would explain it... yes it's true... Death doesn't hurt. Death is the perfect disidentification process... we are separated from our 3rd dimensional resistences. HOWEVER, just because the pain doesn't exist momentarily doesn't make death a preferable thing. Pain will never go away through this method, you will only reincarnate. In fact its extremely important to remember that we come to third dimensional awareness precisely TO experience pain so that it gives rise to epiphanies and miracles.

If you talk it through with us here, you can avoid the need to kill yourself, reincarnate, and end up in the EXACT same situation... that would be a tragic waste of time :( instead let's work with the energies now and take back the power. Please be honest if there are any people or influences in your life that are creating mental or emotional pain for you, as these are important factors as well.

When you say you "black out into it" does this mean you are 'falling asleep' or going unconscious? Are the thoughts gone during this experience or is it a space where you dwell on these thoughts?

Thanks for reaching out for help! Your higher self thanks you! May your shadows yield to light.
 

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Guest MikaelaSapphire

thank you for your response it makes me feel a bit better. i am very sensitive and live with people who are quite dense and have a very low awareness compared to me and they r quite negative...but i am sensitive to so much ..things on tv... i am really empathic and it hurts me so much in my heart and
.... i feel like i want to kill myself...i have tried in the past once when i was 14 overdosing on panadols and again at 17  when i cut myself and had to go to hospital... i don't have much confidence at all and so much hurts.... idk how i will go on living.... i have done shadow work for sooo much pains in my life but it just feels like it is too much too unbearable like a feeling that it will always come back to this like it will always trigger me and hurt me!! and idk :( i guess deep down i wouldn't want to waste time and do it all over again that would be awful.

i have a inner child voice tht cries 'i want my mummy' but how can i give it what it wants when we r in this feeling of hopelessness like nothing will get better!! i have tried to sit and feel these feelings many times before but i don't want to be alone anymore..

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Hi Mikaela,

 

     I have struggled with suicidal ideation for many years. I will say it rarely happens anymore, and I am happy to share what I do, I hope it helps. First of all, I think it is really good to reach out to talk with people. It definitely offers some relief.

  I would say the single biggest thing I have done that has helped suicidal feelings is to sink into the feeling and be with it completely. Tell the feeling "I am completely here with you now, Im not going anywhere." Your mind will probably find a way of escaping, keep coming back to the feeling, I know its hard.Since you are reading Teal's book, Sculptor in the Sky, I would suggest you get The Completion Process, and dedicate your life to the process. By doing it, I am finally finding a lasting sense of love for myself that talking to other people never filled. I learned how to be there for myself, no matter what.

  I would also say that other things have helped me too. Doing 30 minutes of excercise a day, walking outdoors, dancing for 5 minutes by myself all crazy every morning, making lists of all the things I like in the world, trying new activities (you dont have to stick with them if you dont like, trying is more important), watching stand up comedy on youtube, etc.  Also, meditation has helped alot (Teal has a video called mindfulness meditation.) I feel like in meditation, there is time for me to both hear and feel my emotions and also, but more imporatantly to realize that there is more to me than the way I am feeling, the way I'm feeling is not my entire identity.

  Some of Teal's videos that have helped the most are: Meaning the Self Destruct Button, How to Change a Core Belief, Emotional Wake up Call, How to Heal the Emotional Body, Uncertainty, and hopelessness. There is really good info and writing practices in those videos. I wish you luck. PLease make a friend of yourself. Sending love

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Guest MikaelaSapphire

ok i will try these things as they seem very helpful.. thank you very much for sharing it really does help...

Edited by MikaelaSapphire

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Hi Mikaela,

   I can relate to how you're feeling, I also had suicidal thoughts when I was your age (I'm 28 now). I was going through a very difficult time, I felt completely lost, and that no one around me would miss me if I did commit suicide...  what brought me back was realising how distraught my family would be, especially my mother. Perhaps my emotions weren't as intense as yours are.  Is there a family member you feel close to? Or close friends you can open up to? Nothing beats connecting with someone face-to-face, and you may be surprised by how supportive people can be. To me it seems that you are also afraid of the future, of what we all seem to be headed towards, and Teal did a video on the topic, I recommend it.

   You are also an empath, as many of us are. Realise that it is a gift, rather than a weakness, and when energies are as intense as they have been recently, it can feel like a weakness. Minimise as much as you can, the influences that affect your mood and energy, and you can start by revising your home environment. Don't watch TV, many people no longer do, get rid of it even. Make your home, or room at least, a calm inspiring place to be. Start with a good clean-out of everything you own, and I highly recommend the KonMari method, the central principle being that you should only keep items/belongings which spark joy in you. It may seem trivial and superficial, but your environment really does have an effect on you, so make the most of it. Why not also get one of Teal's frequency paintings into your space? Or any other wall art that you find comforting and inspiring. Also look at simple visualisations to clear your energy, so that you're not constantly carrying other people's baggage.

I hope this helps, even if only in small ways, and I wish you all the best.

Ghislaine.

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