Rosalie

Scared of Connection

13 posts in this topic

Scared of Connection

Hi there, 

So here's another heavier topic from me. My life has been very painful lately, and if it's not painful then it's just numb and empty. I'm hoping that things are just getting worse before they're going to get better....

I feel like I have never actually had a genuine connection with anyone in my life. I've had good relationships with animals and nature and with myself, but never with another human. And I'm so, so very lonely. So lonely it physically hurts as an ache in my chest. But at the same time, I'm deathly afraid of people. I think I've had plenty of opportunities in my life to connect with other people, but as soon as I could feel them getting emotionally closer to me I would freak out, become guarded and push them away. 

I was bullied as a child and as a result I always felt dirty and tainted, like a freak. I compensated for this on the outside by being a model student, a pushover, and just as nice and pure and good as I could make myself become so that people wouldn't see what I was really like on the inside. I genuinely believed that I was a bad person because why else would nobody like me?

To this day I find myself still believing that there is a part of me that if anyone sees that they are going to despise me.

I have never had unconditionality in my life. And I reached a point where I just felt so unseen and unknown and unaccepted by anyone in the world that something had to give. And so I joined this website and started sharing parts of myself that no one in the real world even knows exist. And I have felt better as a result of that. I think that this forum contains some of the kindest, most beautiful and compassionate people in the world and I am so happy to have found this place where I can express myself freely without fear of rejection.

But I want to be able to be myself in the real world too, not just online.

So today I am asking the universe to send me my soul family. Send me the people who will love me for who I am. Send me the people who can stick with me through anything. Send me the people who can look at me and see something of value,  someone who has something to offer the world. Send me people who can be patient with me as I learn how to trust and connect again.

I am ready to meet the people who are supposed to be in my life. And I'm done with being alone.

 

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7 hours ago, Rosalie said:

So today I am asking the universe to send me my soul family. Send me the people who will love me for who I am. Send me the people who can stick with me through anything. Send me the people who can look at me and see something of value,  someone who has something to offer the world. Send me people who can be patient with me as I learn how to trust and connect again.

I applaud you for this beautiful intention.  Please consider what actions you want to take for you the receive what you want.  Most often, the Universe responds through your actions.

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21 hours ago, Amazawa said:

I applaud you for this beautiful intention.  Please consider what actions you want to take for you the receive what you want.  Most often, the Universe responds through your actions.

Yes my friend!  Because as many great minds have said  "nothing will happen if you don't do anything"  key word is DO.  =p  OR constantly use high vibrational thoughts.  So when you do move, those things you want can be better make their way to you, or for you to find them.

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On 2/14/2017 at 5:55 AM, Zené said:

Hi Rosalie

 

I feel your story. I'll be your friend. I'm also connection starved and I'm wanting to heal my wounds relàtive to connection. I want friends who can relate.

To get friend is harder with more years. Not easy if you don't know how you can get a connection.

It is easier as a kid.

Edited by johnyboy
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On 17-2-2017 at 11:05 PM, johnyboy said:

To get friend is harder with more years. Not easy if you don't know how you can get a connection.

It is easier as a kid.

What you said at the end there is very true.. i remember so many great things back then..  even very simple things.. and ofc.. something happend and we sepparated.. but many of them seemed to had no choice either.. and even now i still face this issue.  so i am left with nothing much to show for my past.

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My defense mechanisms are so detailed and extensive that I battle this isolation and seclusion and end up suffocated with loneliness.  I've flipped a couple times because of this pain.  Loneliness is no joke and it really hurts.  Just wish I had the guts to shove past the insane level of defensiveness and all the coping mechanisms that keep me walled off from the rest of the world.  Losing my mind by staying this way.

Thanks for making the post.

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hey Rosalie thank you for opening up and sharing, for turning up with courage, for making yourself vulnerable and speak out. I have some of the same pain inside. Feeling alone is a tough one for me...oh man!!.....I can share some of the things that I am doing.....I am reaching out to the souls that I feel connected with and open up about what's going on inside.....I purposely go to places ( cafes) with the "connection" openess clothes on, and I connect as best as I can, to whomever, wether I need to cry or smile is irrelevant, I just let it happen. I write all the things I hate and don't like and I feel shit about , and all the little  things that that I notice and make me feel good and worthy. I discovered that I can allow emotions and feelings to take a hold of my body while I dance....and I dance em......I go to this places where I gently caress and hug myself, and while tending to me I say I love you, and I allow my being to melt and feel the love that I deserve.......I go for walks and focus on things and exercise presence to take me out of though patterns and pain.......Im struggling with the completion process and I do know is so fucking great...finally something that helps....through it I am beginnig to be to learn about me, to discover myself.
thank you for sharing rosalie....you are worth of all that you the love and unconditionality, and connections that you desire.

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On 12/14/2016 at 11:32 PM, Rosalie said:

Scared of Connection

Hi there, 

So here's another heavier topic from me. My life has been very painful lately, and if it's not painful then it's just numb and empty. I'm hoping that things are just getting worse before they're going to get better....

I feel like I have never actually had a genuine connection with anyone in my life. I've had good relationships with animals and nature and with myself, but never with another human. And I'm so, so very lonely. So lonely it physically hurts as an ache in my chest. But at the same time, I'm deathly afraid of people. I think I've had plenty of opportunities in my life to connect with other people, but as soon as I could feel them getting emotionally closer to me I would freak out, become guarded and push them away. 

I was bullied as a child and as a result I always felt dirty and tainted, like a freak. I compensated for this on the outside by being a model student, a pushover, and just as nice and pure and good as I could make myself become so that people wouldn't see what I was really like on the inside. I genuinely believed that I was a bad person because why else would nobody like me?

To this day I find myself still believing that there is a part of me that if anyone sees that they are going to despise me.

I have never had unconditionality in my life. And I reached a point where I just felt so unseen and unknown and unaccepted by anyone in the world that something had to give. And so I joined this website and started sharing parts of myself that no one in the real world even knows exist. And I have felt better as a result of that. I think that this forum contains some of the kindest, most beautiful and compassionate people in the world and I am so happy to have found this place where I can express myself freely without fear of rejection.

But I want to be able to be myself in the real world too, not just online.

So today I am asking the universe to send me my soul family. Send me the people who will love me for who I am. Send me the people who can stick with me through anything. Send me the people who can look at me and see something of value,  someone who has something to offer the world. Send me people who can be patient with me as I learn how to trust and connect again.

I am ready to meet the people who are supposed to be in my life. And I'm done with being alone.

 

Hi Rosaline. I know how you feel. And I also think there's nothing wrong get with you.  It's good you're stating everything here. Send me an email at gwhinnery@gmail.com or send me a text or call at 8184504603. Or find me on facebook. Batsheba Ataupun Zalikha. I'mean Batsheba, by the way. Let's chat. ;)

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Rosalie, I will be your friend.  I haven't had a friend in years.  It would surely be an honor to be yours!!

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Hi Rosalie,

Have you checked out the Teal Swan British Columbia group? From what I can see online, they look like they might be in your general area. Even if BC is too far, some of their members may be closer to you.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/714049938643939

I can relate to the pain and loneliness that you are going through. I’ve struggled with loneliness myself in my life. In college, when by myself, I would sometimes spontaneously just start crying it hurt so bad.

So I can totally relate to your asking of the universe to send you your soul family. And at the same time, I would suggest focusing most of your energy on healing your emotional wounds.

From my experience, no one can love you more than you love yourself. It sounds like you are already aware of yourself having opportunities to connect, but pushing people away due to your views of yourself.

One of my favorite Teal Swan videos are about how to discover your self worth. I’ve included a link to that and a number of her other videos that may be on topic. From what you wrote, it does not sound to me like you have a good relationship with yourself.

I’m guessing that if you can improve on your own sense of self-worth first, then finding and connecting with others that you desire to have in your life will be a lot easier. Until then, getting and keeping those relationships may feel like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it.

I hope this helps. I don’t want to discourage you from finding your soul family. I just think there are things you can work on to increase your likelihood of success. I wish you the best. - Aaron

How Do I Discover Self Worth? - Teal Swan
https://youtu.be/8KQEZ4TXFzM

Self Love -The Great Shortcut to Enlightenment - Teal Swan
https://youtu.be/zQHv75ahYDQ

Self Love Process (How To Connect With Yourself) - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/8eHVH3iuRig

How To Overcome Shame -Teal Swan-
https://youtu.be/Lg9KvmK-E0U

How To Heal The Emotional Body - Teal Swan
https://youtu.be/c3V_Gtfr_YA

How To Connect With Someone -Teal Swan-
https://youtu.be/X-SdqaGS_jc

The 'Please Love Me' Dynamic - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/YjY-1JWED7E

Building Walls to Keep Pain... IN -Teal Swan-
https://youtu.be/SutayVe_DFo

How to Raise Your Frequency and Increase Your Vibration - Teal Swan
https://youtu.be/LB3ScXPVi0M

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Hello I know I'm a bit late but I would LOVE to connect with you. You are extremely brave to write this and to open your heart to the world. My entire life I have felt isolated no matter how many people I've had in my life. Would love to hear from you soon xxx

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