School System

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School System

Today I would like to talk about a negative synchronicity in my life: high school.

This is really difficult for me to talk about, because I feel a lot of shame when I am not perfect at something. It is difficult for me to figure out why I am in this situation of having to go to high school, or what I should do about it. The problem is, I am a very sensitive, empathic person, and high school is definitely not a very sensitive, empathic place. It is harsh and cold and strict and crowded, the fluorescent lights are so bright they blind me and give me headaches. The bells are so loud and shrill that they make me panic everytime I hear them. I'm usually too anxious to eat while I'm there, but there isn't really any place to eat anyways. By the time I get out I feel dead or dying. Or like I wish I was. It's hard to describe the level of exhaustion I experience after a day of school. I am anxious and tense and tired, and incredibly overstimulated. Sometimes I don't sleep all night afterwards because I am still so anxious, then I can't go to school the next day. I miss a lot of school. Usually one or two days a week. On those days I will wake up in the morning (if I slept that night) and feel terror at the thought of having to go back there, and more terror at the thought of having to tell my parents I'm not going. Sometimes they yell at me, which gives me I guess what amounts to a panic attack. My teachers all think I'm irresponsible, and that I'm skipping class. Their disapproval hurts me immensely because I'm the kind of person who wants to please everybody. I can't handle rejection. I know that if I forced myself to go everyday I would have a breakdown and not be able to go at all. I have considered dropping out, but that option terrifies me because of the disapproval I know I would face if I did that, from my parents, friends and from society. I just don't feel strong enough to take that on. So lately I've just been hanging on as best I can. I'm barely passing my courses, and a few years ago that would have horrified me, but now I just feel like this is not what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be changing the world. I'm supposed to be helping people. I'm supposed to be living my dreams. What the hell am I doing here? I know what my purpose is. I had a vision of myself writing books, counselling people, speaking on a stage. I am basically going to be a to be a spiritual teacher.

  My heart tells me that I am having this experience in order to learn from my interactions with people, to figure out what exactly I want and to get an idea of what my shadows are. Recently though, I started to get the message that it was time for me to enroll in online courses instead. That way, I would never have to step foot in a high school again. This idea was very relieving and I started to feel like maybe I could feel excited about my life again. But my parents are dead set against it. They even went so far as to say that they wouldn't support me anymore if I did this. They have all these reasons why it wouldn't work, why it's a bad idea. All I know is that's what my heart says is right. The only thing stopping me is my fear of rejection. It's difficult with my parents because they are the people who have hurt me the very most in my life, but also the people who have helped me the very most. Our relationship is awful and so painful. But I couldn't stand it if they hated me. 

All of this contrast has given rise to the desire in me for a utopian school system. Here is my vision of what this would look like. I think it's going to be part of my purpose to help implement this in the future.

In my perfect world, school is a place you go for help on your mission. It is a place of guidance and resources. Nobody is forced to go there. Nobody has to stay. Anyone can come or go at anytime, without judgement. Nobody is forced to learn anything at my school. We learn what we are interested in. We learn what our hearts tell us is important for us to learn. We learn what brings us the most joy to learn. As I said, anyone can come or go at anytime. Everyone is encouraged to take care of themselves, and we are all loved in our uniqueness and in our specialness. If we are tired, we are encouraged to stay home and sleep, because that is what would benefit us most in that situation. We learn only what we are guided to learn, at our own pace, as we are guided to learn it. Nobody imposes their ideas on us of what we are supposed to learn or who we are supposed to become. That is between us and our souls. There is nothing we need to learn and there is nothing we shouldn't learn. We work only on our purpose and all purposes are always welcome and acceptable. Even if you only want to breath and think for your whole life, you will be loved, supported and aided on your mission. Children here choose what they want to do when they want to do it, as does everyone. Abundance is shared, and it is infinite. Children are taught of their amazing creative powers from the beginning and they are encouraged to harness them for the creation and manisfestation of their dreams. Spiritual information and teaching here is available to everyone, some basics that most children learn and master are: astral travel, connecting to higher self/Source/spirit guides/angels/power animals, energy healing, telepathy, etc. There are arts, music, maths, sciences. Every field you can dream of. All children here are happy because they are all free. they have all the information they could ever want at their fingertips and nothing is imposed on them. They may study all they want or not at all. What matters is that they are happy. They may choose whatever field they feel called to, or choose no field. These children know that they are always taken care of by the universe and can create their own abundance at will. Always.



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