Starlight

Going public

4 posts in this topic

Going public

I'm just rewatching Teals videos and I'm so impressed by what she has to offer.

this post is about presenting oneself to the world, being authentic, coping with critics and somehow staying safe and whole?

Basically I admire Teal's ability to do this and I do see her as genuine and authentic.

in my own experience, very few people I know that are good self promoters are balanced, (most are narcissists and addicts to attention, 'sharing'  and advertising themselves)...But I know that it's possible, I just wonder how to get there myself?

Ive also been most interested in Teal's very feminine presentation of herself, the sultry photo styles, make-up. I sensed my resistance to this when I first came across her, but it didn't take me long to think..... 'actually this is brilliant..! I love that she is not hiding, not denying her femininity..' it's also unusual in spirituality at this level (though body beautiful and image is  everything in many yoga circles though that's more the 'gym' yoga type mentality..). Teal also regularly presents herself very naturally too.

Like many women with a lot of trauma from sexual abuse, being 'seen' is one of the most difficult things for me. Therefore 'putting myself out there' becomes quite literally impossible, in every sense. Long before any memories of all my trauma surfaced, I was years trying to figure out my intense stage fright,  one day a friend asked why I was so bad..I pondered and the next said ''you know I think I'm afraid I'll be physically attacked by someone' only years later did I remember actual attacks and only then did my own statement make sense to me.

Even if a traumatised individual can go into a public domain post-sexual abuse..what are the steps to doing this safely? ..actually respecting and honouring the valid emotions and the depth of the trauma 

my own need to keep safe causes me firstly to withdraw constantly, secondly  to completely downplay my femininity, I'm scared of make-up, of fashion..though I love them..I secretly feel bereft - but I feel  it's not safe for me to have those things..or be seen at all. In my life experience, attention has always been a negative experience and brought severely negative people and experiences into my life.

i know I have missed out repeatedly on benefiting from the results of my talent and work, because I always withdraw to try and keep safe and I know that up to now, that has been absolutely essential to keep me safe, but I think maybe I've reached a time for change now..

Edited by Starlight
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Thanks Walt, yes the fundamental fear seems to be for my safety. God knows how to develop trust..I'm working away on that one, the years go by..

Thanks Mark, but there's no way I could share videos here.. a lovely supportive suggestion by you though, thankyou!

yes it would be nice to think friends and family would be supportive, but very few people with a lot of trauma are in supportive environments, the trauma exists not just in the inner self, but in the wider environment.

Despite the fact I'm unusually non-competitive and sharing, it practically impossible for me to get support from others. As a rule, people back winners, not the genuinely shy and uncertain.. some people act the shyness, but beneath they are actually not shy at all. 

Ive recently started to ask in my mind about friends and family.. 'does this person want the best for me, do they want me to succeed as much as I wish for them or at all?' A question I've never dared ask, as I knew the answer would be upsetting. But I'm strong enough to now, and strong enough to see their meanness or jealousy as the problem, and not that im simply unworthy of their love. Which is how I used to interpret it. So now it means I can walk away. I think it is this one act, that's giving me confidence to consider going public, simply walking away from all these types of people who simply compete with me and don't love me. I have been in relationship with these types of people my whole life and looking back I see the genuine power one person has to undermine and drain another, if that other is not conscious and does not love themselves enough to walk away. 

Edited by Starlight

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Is anyone else trying to figure out this issue?

this video of Teal's  helps me.. 

 

 

 

in another video Teal spoke about some women suppressing their seductiveness/attractiveness as a result of sexual assault - I wonder how to change this?

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"Open the flood gates and expose the truth of who you are, and all that will be left is people who accept it. All others will flee, you will be left with only those that are allies. " Teal

 

This is also interesting in the first half of this re wounding around exposure/privacy..

 

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