Odetta

Do you feel like you lack the Spiritual, Intellectual, and Emotional intelligence to "Grow" as a Person/Spirit?

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Do you feel like you lack the Spiritual, Intellectual, and Emotional intelligence to "Grow" as a Person/Spirit?

Hi everyone.

Do you feel like you're just banging your head against a brick wall or that problems that you've thought you "integrated" or "moved passed" through spiritual practices just keep coming back?  I'm just gonna say I am very weary, like a piece of gum that's been chewed on for a year straight.  Ground into dust by life.  I gone through all of Teal's and countless other avenues of trying to expand and bring forth the fruits of my true self.  Nothing is making a dent it seems. 30 years of unbearable sorrow.  I feel like I could sleep for a thousand years.

I just want to know if others are in the same spot as I.  

 

P.S. I'm a particularity sensitive Empath, I feel every nuanced and exotic emotion there is at great magnification.  

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Yes, I went through a year of releasing that felt like I was rotating my "problems" from one room to another and clearing the rooms over and over again of the same "problems."  It was frustrating and wearying just as you said.

I am no longer in that spot, but I can sympathize with your post.

 

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19 hours ago, Amazawa said:

Yes, I went through a year of releasing that felt like I was rotating my "problems" from one room to another and clearing the rooms over and over again of the same "problems."  It was frustrating and wearying just as you said.

I am no longer in that spot, but I can sympathize with your post.

 

The thing is I don't know if I'm actually getting to the "root" of my trauma.  I'll go deep and think I'm uncovering the event that caused this particular trauma.  Feel good about integrating and so on. I'll be fine for months, even years, then BAM!  All of a sudden I start to feel that old emotion, and it's never a tap on the shoulder.  It's a kick in the gut and salt in the wound.  Then I realize that I never uncovered the true root, and am back to square one.  I've been in this loop ad infinitum.  I feel I lack the grand intelligence to help myself.

The best analogy I can put forth is this:  "Odetta wants to find buried treasure. Only he/she can't read the treasure map correctly. So he/she digs, and digs, and digs.  Odetta is certain that every new spot contains the treasure and is eager to uncover it.  After hundreds of holes the landscape is pop marked and Odetta is laying down; exhausted and without anything to show for it."

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13 hours ago, Neptune said:

No I don't feel that way.

I don't do Teal Swan's processes, first of all.

I keep tabs on my emotions. I don't obsess about them, but I go by this rule of thumb: I ease myself into feeling just a little better. That's pretty much it.

Remember, feeling just a little bit better is powerful. It's real progress.

 

Going back to trauma constantly, always seeking out pain to destroy it, like Teal wants everyone to do, yeah, it will probably make you feel worse.

Amazawa said it took a year to find progress. I bet it did take that long.... not suprising to me. What I am suprised by is that he found some sort of light at the end and attributed it to the year-long process of screwing up his vibration.

Am I allowed to say that?? I might get another warning and temporary ban for this.

I have tried the emotional fortitude approach because it seems to somewhat effective from what I witness.  The only problem with that is being an empath I can go a couple months of happiness. Not letting my emotions get the better of me, but always, without a half step, something happens that magnifies any trauma inside to an atom bomb level and absolutely levels me.  Can even be from a dream.  Don't get me wrong I feel stronger than I ever have.  It's the constant cycle of progress and then massive derailment that's wearing me thin.  After decades of this cycle I just want throw my hands up and say, "screw it".  My nature won't allow that though. I've tried.

Edited by Odetta

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When i feel trapped inside my head then its rime to get out. Literally, just go outside, walk, run, bike, whatever, then get outside of yourself. Focus on others their pain, life, get involved in what they are doing. Get out of yourself and into the world, explore it and it will help you find joy and healing.

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II am inclined to agree w/ Neptune.  We all have had trauma in our life, some greater than others.  We are learn from that and grow.  Come to accept these things which have passed and learn from them to become a grater version of yourself. The process of growth can be painful and present many challenges, but it is in our approach to overcome these obstacles to achieve growth.  

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6 hours ago, Odetta said:

Don't get me wrong I feel stronger than I ever have.  It's the constant cycle of progress and then massive derailment that's wearing me thin.  After decades of this cycle I just want throw my hands up and say, "screw it".  My nature won't allow that though. I've tried.

This sounds like you are making progress... peeling the layer as the saying goes.  Here are some things that I learned from my year long cycle of releasing seemingly same stuff:

1.  What got me out of it was CP.  This was before Teal released her book.  I followed her as she did CP on two ladies in Paris.  It took me to a conception trauma which I resolved.  From that point forward, my cycle was broken. 

2.  I realized that my focus on finding "things to fix" just created more things to fix.  After a few sessions of CP, I began to focus on what makes me happy.  Like Teal says, going for happiness is like going for the Mother Ship.  Everything in the way of happiness will still come out to play, but my focus is on creating more happiness, not on fixing myself.  This was life changing for me.  Magic started to happen in my life.

3.  I had to be willing to make changes for my own happiness.  Teal has said, one has to be willing to set fire to one's life after doing CP.  Here is a direct quote from one of her emails regarding the effect of CP:

"We can't look for the feeling of "YAY, I'm so free" all the time because some awareness doesn't feel good.  For example, let's say that I became aware of the root of my bad relationships. Perhaps coming out of it, I'd feel upset cause my current relationship is not good and so I have to do something about it now that I know that. The completion process often gives you more work to do... this is why it works. It's not a "pill" that makes everything feel good."

That is what I have done, set fire to my life, letting go of everything that does not serve my happiness.  Breaking my rat cage.  

Currently, I am the happiest I have ever been, and I finally have a purpose in life that makes me come alive.  Of course, there are more layers that continues to come up as I go for the Mother Ship.  But, I have never enjoyed my life as much as I am enjoying it right now.

I would wish the same breakthrough for you, in your own unique way.  Perhaps my story may be of some help. 

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11 hours ago, Odetta said:

The best analogy I can put forth is this:  "Odetta wants to find buried treasure. Only he/she can't read the treasure map correctly. So he/she digs, and digs, and digs.  Odetta is certain that every new spot contains the treasure and is eager to uncover it.  After hundreds of holes the landscape is pop marked and Odetta is laying down; exhausted and without anything to show for it."

A possible reason you feel this way is because you believe that there is something you *must* uncover, some goal you *must* reach and once you reach that goal, you will have some sort of eureka moment and everything will fall into place, when that's not necessarily how it works at all. Sometimes, it will feel like chipping away at a brick wall with a pencil, you break the pencil more often than not, and in that case, I suggest simply trying to feel better and not trying to "fix" yourself. Ultimately there is nothing to fix. Your traumas and your shadows are part of you, not something you need to process away.

If healing from this trauma is something you really want to do, then realize that it's going to take time and you won't necessarily have any eureka moments and you won't heal it all at once. There was a particular trauma I revisited 7 times before it was completely healed, and I had the thought that I was doing it wrong the whole time, but use your empath skills to listen to yourself to know what you need to do. I kept being called back to the particular frustrating trauma, and eventually I did have a eureka moment and healed, but it was frustrating for a while. Sometimes I left it alone and just went for a walk instead, there's no right or wrong way to go about doing anything as long as you are listening to your own guidance. If you are feeling overwhelmed by trying to heal, taking a break and feeling better might be more important.

It takes no grand intelligence to do this :) patience, yes, but you aren't lacking any skills. Just listen to yourself, that's it.

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Haha yes... I know the feeling, but what helped me was accepting that I can actually create my reality and as a child I knew my I had to supress everything because I remember telling my family and they always either didn't listen or dismissed me or got angry, and I was in a constant loop of creating scenarios of regection, pain, abandonment and I did forget as a teenager until it all came flooding back in my 20s now slowly slowly I'm creating better things around me and having so much fun :D I've moved to the country away from my family, the loop is still here but it's not  everything anymore, I think once I build a solid happy loop for myself then I can let go <3

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On 4-12-2016 at 5:40 PM, Amazawa said:

2.  I realized that my focus on finding "things to fix" just created more things to fix.  After a few sessions of CP, I began to focus on what makes me happy.  Like Teal says, going for happiness is like going for the Mother Ship.  Everything in the way of happiness will still come out to play, but my focus is on creating more happiness, not on fixing myself.  This was life changing for me.  Magic started to happen in my life.

 

13 hours ago, Neptune said:

The way youve thought of the problem... it creates a situation like a carrot on stick dangling in front of you, like you can't grab it no matter how fast you run. The knife long enough to cut the string is a two parter: 1) The knowledge of the behavior of vibration, and 2) The positive application of it. Feel just a bit better, now. Rinse and repeat. You can do that from even the lowest of vibrations. Research Abe Hicks and the emotional guidance scale.

 

Can I conclude that both of you are talking about the same thing here? By stopping to try and fix yourself but chasing happiness instead you stop running in circles and actually create thoughts and vibrations that are beneficial to you, which elevate your vibration more and more.

I understand that being in a higher vibration will make these old traumas pop up less often and probably less intense, but they still pop up. So how exactly does your chase for happiness make you deal with these old trauma's? Can you say that healing happens through happiness?

 

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7 hours ago, Redbeard said:

So how exactly does your chase for happiness make you deal with these old trauma's? Can you say that healing happens through happiness?

In my experience, absolutely, but it only goes so far before you have to start integrating trauma, which is why people do great when they are starting out and then stall - they are consciously or subconsciously ready to go deeper. When I first began my journey into the conscious application of LOA techniques, I started with Abraham Hicks. They helped me to learn how to think positively again, and how to meditate, which healed a lot of trauma as it came up because it forced me to acknowledge how I was **really** feeling (I had a problem with lying to myself and denying my emotions, trying to force myself to feel one way or another for *years* so it took me a long time to actually know that the frustration I was feeling was actually rage, and the happiness I was feeling was actually hope or optimism, my emotions were so neglected I thought I had never experienced complete despair, when it was in fact one of my most predominant emotions) and to learn what those emotions felt like in my body, which Teal helped with more. Back when they talked more about not Happy Face Stickering and emphasized the importance of actually changing your beliefs instead of "laying new pipes" over old ones. I think in the beginning, happiness does help with trauma, a lot, but there comes a point when you have to go deeper, and most traumas cannot just be "happy face stickered" away, they have to be dealt with directly, which means allowing them to completely unfold within you.

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17 hours ago, Redbeard said:

I understand that being in a higher vibration will make these old traumas pop up less often and probably less intense, but they still pop up. So how exactly does your chase for happiness make you deal with these old trauma's? Can you say that healing happens through happiness?

 

I would say happiness happens through healing, the type of healing that occurs when you focus on being happy, not on fixing things.  For me this has two elements:

1. As Neptune stated, keep going for what feels better, even if just a little.  Teal says this is how we turn our ship around, and I completely agree.

2. Sooner or later, going for your happiness will trigger something that is in the way of your happiness.  For example, at first when I wanted to do things that made me happy, I would feel ashamed for being selfish.  I had to find out why I felt ashamed and deal with the root traumas that was causing it.  Then, I had to deal with guilt.  Then, obligations.  Then, not knowing what really made me happy.  Etc.  

As I healed my traumas and become more myself, I also became more happy.  And, as I became more happy, some things just fixed themselves.

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I think this topic is great as it effectively asks: "does true healing really work?" and it also highlights important aspects (of Teals work) that help with healing tested by members of this forum. @lightworker, @walt and @Amazawa have given their valuable insights on how happiness and healing go together. Can you agree with their thoughts @Neptune?

There is another aspect of the original question that might be interesting to discuss, namely the time scale of healing. There is a wide belief that everything happens in due time and that you cannot rush things. Seen in that way, @Odetta earlier mentioned frustration might be a necessary part of the process of healing.

This contrasts with the more rational approach to healing that Teal offers: sit with your rusty beliefs and trauma's and get rid of them. Once you have lightened your load, you will discover new layers of dirt that you have to sit with and the process repeats until you are as enlightened as Jesus. If things are truly as easy as that shouldn't we all take a year off and deal with our shit until we can walk on water? Or am I missing something here?

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49 minutes ago, Neptune said:

I dont care to agree with people who dont allow themsleves to think along the same logical lines that make sense to me.

"I don't agree with people who don't agree with me and I refuse to listen to anyone who doesn't share my views."

There's nothing wrong with being closeminded or having a poor attitude just because people disagree with you, but you are clearly stressing yourself out and overthinking it so much, like not a single one of us is nearly as pressed about things as you are. Nearly all of your posts are constant pushing against what you don't want and arguing, like yeah it's clear you've practiced LOA techniques for 10 years because you are EXCELLENT at manifesting things to be pressed about.

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