nuia

Bad for being happy.

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Bad for being happy.

Last week something amazing happened. I had faced a fear that had been holding me back for years and I can't begin to explain the amount of joy that overcome me. I was happy like sunshine was beaming from my heart. I felt so happy I couldn't stop smiling and laughing. I wanted to share my happiness with the world. By the end of the second day my husband stopped me. He said it's not good to be this happy. He comes from a family where their emotions are on a balance beam. They are superstitious about being too happy because it may invite the opposite. The days following I kept my happiness to myself, however I noticed for the last few days, theres a change in me. I'm not as open as I normally am. I feel I don't want to share myself or even my thoughts and only moments ago I linked the two together. 

It brought me to see how many times in my childhood I was so happy, even 'proud' of myself for something I did and I was never mirrored positively. I was told to be 'humble', be quiet, don't laugh out loud. This shame for feeling caused me to isolate myself from others, to feel like my emotions didn't matter and nor did I. 

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