Intense Loneliness. Relationship absense.

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Intense Loneliness. Relationship absense.

Okay, so right now as I go through this intense feeling of loneliness, whilst even typing this, I feel an intense urge to pull away.

I need connection with people who are serve my expansion...

I've had experiences over the past year especially, where I've expanded, and have had to leave people behind, and I can deal with that, but in becoming so emotionally aware of myself and others in regards to what doesn't serve me (and in many regards now, what does) I've basically isolated myself, as I've offered no real alternative. I was gonna leave true bond making until early next year at one of Teals workshops in the UK, but I then became conscious of the intense amount of pain in this bypassing.  I want to integrate with you... I know my progression lies in connection.

In terms of relationships...

I know I'm an attractive guy, and during childhood, I had shit petty relationships, thinking it was what was expected of me so they must be "good".

Well, In high school then, I suffered a lot with rejection.  I was attractive, but always a "weirdo" in terms of my unique personality.

I eventually ended up convincing myself I was Asexual.

Jesus Christ, ouch.


Up until this year, I hadn't summed up sexuality and connection very well.

I eventually admitted to myself that I was in fact bisexual.

However, I have 0 experience with either sex, but am leaning more towards guys at this moment in time.


I just don't feel like I have anyone as conscious as myself to talk to, and NEED to meet some Tealers.  Through Skype would be awesome, In real life would be even better.


(I've also moved into my friends house, but he sort of "evidence, little self belief" - bypasses things, and I really don't wanna move back in with my parents, though I have to for Xmas as my friends sister is coming down from Hong Kong.

Argh...... I feel so alone right now.

If someone has had the time to read all this and is trying to understand how I feel, thank fuck you exist <3

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Go spend the holidays with your family.

I personally have a negative core belief of 'I am alone', and I used to think that I should stay away from people I didn't resonate with. But it's the same as not wanting to sit with your sadness, because you don't want to be low vibe. As much as we don't want to admit it, our family matter to us, so much that they could break our hearts a million times and we would forgive them a million and one times. :)




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I see, I have that core belief too it seems.

I don't have much choice in being with my family this Xmas anyways, haha.  I need to leave em for good though as they're very controlling, and don't fully approve of what my goals are and try to fix me as to not lemme miss opportunities apparently, haha

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