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What are you afraid of when you're opening up?

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What are you afraid of when you're opening up?

Came across this beautiful Teal's video about openness today. So i had to think about it and I've realized that i actually do live a very open life within my possibilities  (when compared to other people i know) :)

My fear is that complete openness leaves very little room for mystery and surprises. Especially when it comes to relationships with people. Which leads to boredom.

what do you think?

 

 

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I think complete openness leads to more freedom and surprises and adventure.  I have noticed how much I expand when I am open with myself and others.  I am nothing like I was even just one month ago.  I see the same with others in my close circle. :)

My biggest fear right is still being rejected... this is so core to my traumas.  Peeling the layers on this one. 

Edited by Amazawa
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I love it and I don't mind talking about other aspects of myself, like if you know someone long enough you see the asshole aspect, the sad aspect, the bad day aspect, t he angry aspect, all these are normal, but we think we can only talk about certain things. I'd love to open up completely, but I don't feel safe doing that because of my fear of rejection, and I just show people the aspect they don't like in themselves and leave lol. we are human so we have the whole spectrum of emotions and aspects, light and dark, it doesn't bother me.

Edited by Alex7
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I feel afraid of feeling anything at all. Though this have lessened a lot since i became aware of it much more with the body awareness practice where you talk to parts of your body.
The swedish culture is one where you "have to feel and express" not too negative because that is uncomfortable, but also not too genuinly positive either because then we take up too much space. "You have got to let others take the stage too".

Like nearly every swedish person have been raised like this, it is a social thing almost everyone is aware of but lacks interest in talking about it too much.
It is a middle thing where we stay in an apathetic state where everyone is "equal". No uncomfort and no one taking up too much space. Yeaaa no.

The only few behaviors that are socially accepted are fun, niceness, respect to be and a sense of positivness (may not be genuine but a facade positive nice-face). Well this is a pretty global thing though sweden in my opinion does take the cake in avoiding the hell out of it from fear as if their lives depended on it.  

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I'm afraid if I open up, people will see the bad, unacceptable sides of me, and they will leave me because of it.
Opening up in and of itself is a vulnerable thing to do. And when you add the rejection in it, it becomes unbearable.
Because first, in order to open up, you need to have a bad side of you to reveal - either bad by your judgement or by people around you - and it needs acceptance. The reason it has been hidden (and you've been hiding it) is that it isn't safe emotionally to reveal it in the first place.
When you open up, and things go wrong... It is devastating.

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8 hours ago, Elif said:

I'm afraid if I open up, people will see the bad, unacceptable sides of me, and they will leave me because of it.
Opening up in and of itself is a vulnerable thing to do. And when you add the rejection in it, it becomes unbearable.
Because first, in order to open up, you need to have a bad side of you to reveal - either bad by your judgement or by people around you - and it needs acceptance. The reason it has been hidden (and you've been hiding it) is that it isn't safe emotionally to reveal it in the first place.
When you open up, and things go wrong... It is devastating.

When it comes to relationships , we connect through opening up to each other. But what bothers the most is that a lot of people when they ask a question expect only a certain answer. This is what hurts.

For ex., anyone who asks a question "do you love me?" wants to hear " yes, i love you" back. The answers "no" would usually  lead to a complete mess. It is rare to meet a person who would think about it in advance before asking. Why ask questions like that at all then?

Yet, on another hand everyone is okay asking something like "do we have this or that in the refrigerator? " yes - good. No - ok, do i need to buy it? Problem solved. 

I think it's going to be the same for those who willingly wish to open up to another. If you're not prepared to hear what you don't want to hear - don't do it. 

Openness often does feel like a relief and helps people to connect but only when we can accept two sides of a coin.

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Finally: BOREDOM is a wonderful thing, it‘s only dismissively labeled by society. It is your registration card for freedom of will. On higher spiritual levels there is no inside and outside, therefore clairvoyants can know what you think or feel before you speak about it. When you think about the inside-outside theme, you‘re at the portal to spiritual development. You will see that your inner feelings are „facts of the objective world“, too. Boredom is just a sort of numbed version of feeling the freedom of possibilities – the best point to start meditation. Some spiritual teachings even want you to artificially create boredom before meditation. Say goodbye to the idea it‘s something bad. :)

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This is an interesting topic. For me I have always had a feeling of being less than. Less than everyone. So I guess I feel like opening up and being vulnerable will show my weaknesses and just highlight that feeling.

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1 hour ago, Kore said:

This is an interesting topic. For me I have always had a feeling of being less than. Less than everyone. So I guess I feel like opening up and being vulnerable will show my weaknesses and just highlight that feeling.

Opening up is a HUGE thing! 

It is a lot already.

I've only felt "less then" when the person next to me was blind to see me.

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Wonderful discussion.  Hilarious thing...I'm both open and mysterious at the same time.  Not sure how I hold this way of being but I believe it has to do with my nature.  Observing myself I noticed that I am quite open, but only enough to spark curiosity or interest in others to know more...perhaps that is where the mysterious illusion is perceived from others.  This is my speculation, because I don't consciously aim for this effect.  Instead, I hear others describe me as mysterious.  LOL.

I notice I am not open when I believe I will be shamed.  These are usually times that I am going through pain.  I suffer in silence most of the time.  I'm too scared to be judged or shamed.  So I seek ways to soothe myself.  In the past, I did in unhealthy ways.  I suffered a lot, but learned a lot, and now I soothe myself in healthy ways.  However, I still have this vibration within me.  My next step to be open with my pain is to seek a therapist.  The good news is that I am building the courage to accept this shame and understand it so that I can defend myself when I open up and someone shames me.  When I state defend myself, I mean teaching others of the dynamic that is happening and then reminding them that nothing wrong is occurring only seeking to connect and be present for each other.  I have a lot of opportunities to practice with my partner.  Thank you this was an awesome discussion.

Edited by Denni
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On November 27, 2016 at 10:07 AM, Amazawa said:

I think complete openness leads to more freedom and surprises and adventure.  I have noticed how much I expand when I am open with myself and others.  I am nothing like I was even just one month ago.  I see the same with others in my close circle. :)

My biggest fear right is still being rejected... this is so core to my traumas.  Peeling the layers on this one. 

Rock on!  All true and I feel the same way.  Rejection by far, I believe, is a big childhood trauma for me.  But I will face my fear and be present at all times.  I am happy for us.

On November 27, 2016 at 1:19 PM, Alex7 said:

I love it and I don't mind talking about other aspects of myself, like if you know someone long enough you see the asshole aspect, the sad aspect, the bad day aspect, t he angry aspect, all these are normal, but we think we can only talk about certain things. I'd love to open up completely, but I don't feel safe doing that because of my fear of rejection, and I just show people the aspect they don't like in themselves and leave lol. we are human so we have the whole spectrum of emotions and aspects, light and dark, it doesn't bother me.

Well said.  I agree with you.  I giggle sometimes when I see that people think one emotions defines them.  It may be the dominant emotion that is affecting them at the moment.  I remind them that it is a valid emotion and validate their situation then show them that the emotion change and that it does not define them. :D

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