thillsd

How do I get these thoughts from reoccurring in my mind

8 posts in this topic

How do I get these thoughts from reoccurring in my mind

How do I get all of the things that I want/need to say to my Narcissist out of my head if I am following No Contact?  I no longer miss him but I have all of these unexpressed things I keep obsessing over in my head 24 hours a day that I just NEED to say to him.  I know it will do no good and he will just turn anything I say back against me but my mind keeps going round and round and I am constantly thinking of more things every  day that I didn't get to say or express to him.  HELP!!!  I feel like I am going crazy.

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I think I really understand how you feel. Honestly, for me, what worked was time and working through every thing that came up. Every thought that came to my mind, I would just sit down with and feel it through. Also a very important part for me was connecting all those thoughts to their original source (childhood) and getting my attention there, rather than keep it on the person who just happened to trigger their resurfacing.

Would you care to share what those thoughts and feelings are? One thing that helps me always is just getting it all out of me in the most raw way. In that part of the healing proccess I don't care about being responsible, good or spiritual or anything... well actually if I feel angry, then feeling the anger is the most spiritual thing I can do.

If you don't want to share here, write it out to yourself, and see what comes up. See what is actually trying to get your attention.

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Hello @thillsd

I think there's always more than one way to express what you want to say. Internet is a great resource for that.

if you keep playing something in your head, then you obviously have some unfinished business with your ex.

I think if it's meant for you to solve the unsolved with that person - life will put you in that situation with him. If not - there will be another person/situation that will help you with this. Ether ways it goes, sometimes it is also good to let your thoughts play over and over until the mind burns them.

 

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What helped me was talking about it with others, and realizing that the narcissist is such a deeply damaged and unconscious person that they will never, ever be able to clearly see anything you are saying to them as anything other than a personal attack. So, they won't hear what you have to say anyways, they will only hurt you again and you will feel the need to say MORE to them, and the cycle goes on. Remind yourself that the urge to renew contact with a narcissistic person is simply another abuse tactic used by the narcissist - they anticipate and even relish in it.

Let your feelings out online or in person with friends and family - hell, even STRANGERS!!! Find a way to say all of the things that you want to say to other people. If that doesn't do the trick, then write it out in letter format as if you are going to say it to this person, even put postage on it and the address and then burn it! Doing these things helped me :)

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Many have found that writing a letter to express your pain, even if you don't send it or just burn it afterwards, has helped.  It may even change him without you ever contacting him.  

 

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sometimes, when i want get rid off thoughts patterns, i do a fire ceremony..

1- you open a sacred space ( you ask to your spirit guides to join the ceremony)

2- you light a fire or some candles.

3- you write on a paper all the thingsthat are bothering you, all the thoughts pattern that you dont need anymore and any negative feelings. and on a second paper, you write all the thing you would like to achieve (for exemple: freedom- peace of mind- lightness- ecc...ecc...)

4- meditate with the fire

5-you hold on your right hand, the first paper, and you allow your self to feel and get in touch with all this heavy emotions , and then you imagine, to channalise this dense energy into the paper you are holding, then you burn it, and ask the fire to relise and let go.

do the same thing ith the second paper, connecting to all you want to manifest in your life, and the sense of warmth and joy. and offer it to the fire.

6- express gratitude to the fire, and to the spirits.

7- use the fire energy to clean your chakras. 

8 close sacred space

 

:) hope it might be helpfull

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@thillsd this video might help in some ways

I would like to add that anyone who tries "get over someone" is torturing himself.

I don't think people need to get over anyone. If a relationship is over, it's over. But if one (or both) are still going back and forth then they need a different approach to the situation. People see separation as something like moving away and forgetting each other forever. When people know that it doesn't have to be like that, the separation is less painful.

Imagine 2 pieces of fabric sewed together. The more emotionally  invested people are, the stronger the relationship is. The less emotionally invested they are, the less threads between the fabric. 

There are 2 basic ways to separate fabric. One way is just rip it apart - most likely  you'll end up with frizzy uneven edges and lots of threads in between. This reminds me of a unexpected separation due to various reasons. It's very painful, especially if one has more threads left than the other.

The second way is to take sharp scissors or craft knife and carefully cut each thread one by one. In the end you'll end up with clean edges and very few tiny threads that can be  easily removed. This reminds me of a separation that happens gradually - perhaps two just grew into separate directions over time.

Yes, relationship after the relationship is possible if both can be adults about it and not cross over the boundaries. Unfortunately, not many can do that and try to advantage often on a financial level. That's why some are just doomed to live in agony for a very long time.

 

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On 11/24/2016 at 3:09 PM, thillsd said:

 I no longer miss him but I have all of these unexpressed things I keep obsessing over in my head 24 hours a day that I just NEED to say to him.

everything we say, we say mostly for ourselves. if these thoughts want to come out through your mouth, it means you are the one who needs to hear them the most.

observe how everything you want to say to him could apply to you/some aspect of you. in different details and context, ofc. take it as an opportunity to harmonize the aspect(s) of you that mirrored outwards as him (unless you want to repeat/relive the whole story for further clarification). just listen to what you have to say and move on 'upgraded'.

your life is not about him, is about you. your thoughts are not about him, they are about you. your feelings are not about him, they are about you. running the whole process through him is just the long way around. 

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