Lionaide

Help

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Help

I am writing this message because I literally don't know what else to do. I have no friends, not even one. I don't get along with my parents, even at age 22. I am in my last year of college and feel so lonely,  I have just come to sit in my room smoking weed by myself all day long watching teal swan videos to try and make myself feel better or researching random things. I feel like I am wasting my youth away. I come from a conservative, well off southern family, go to a top university, am skinny blonde and attractive. I really do have a lot going for me. By looking at me, you would never guess I have no friends. I am very friendly, have great social skills (which must have come as a survival mechanism from years of feeling this way) and try to include everyone. I've never cared about being in the cool group. I reach out to other people and am a listening ear to people who need a friend. So why do I cry myself to sleep most nights?

In high school, I also felt lonely, but it's different now that I am in college and don't even have people to come home to. Once I got to college, I thought everything would change. Went through rush but none of the sororities wanted me in their group. Tried different clubs, but none of them actually hung out with each other outside of the meeting and all the friendships I have tried to initiate never really went anywhere. I just got by by dating different guys who were interested in me at the time because I guess if they were my boyfriend it was someone to hang out with guaranteed. Then, I got out of a really toxic relationship that took a whole year to actually end permanently. I decided to stop binge drinking and realized that all the friends I once had no longer wanted to hang out with me because I wasn't going off to party with them. I actually love to party, I LIVE to RAGE, but I hate drinking and doing stupid things that come with it. Now, even if I wanted to go out one night, it is a challenge to find someone to go with, so most nights I just sit in my room smoking alone. 

I have racked my brain as to why this is happening but I've got nothing. I guess you could say I'm kind of caught between two worlds: on the one hand my family is very conservative, put together, and in this community everyone has to be perfect all the time. One thing I really do appreciate about this kind of world is the emphasis on etiquette and I at least have people who don't think I am crazy for my political views (Republican). On the other hand, I have friends outside this community who are into yoga, the outdoors, spirituality, etc. But even with them, I feel like they'll never understand me. I have to keep silenced when people bring up the election, they think my world is foreign to them and due to my upbringing, I do have different values than them when it comes to certain things. I feel like I'll never find someone who truly understands both aspects of me. I feel like no one knows the whole truth about me because I am lying to everyone about who I am, knowing the truth will never come out because these two groups don't interact often. 

I guess I don't really know why I am writing this other than the fact that if I didn't vent my feelings somewhere, I would probably burn something down, yell at a random person in the street, or drive way too recklessly in my car to release this anger, frustration, confusion and sadness. I guess you could call me a complainer. I guess you could say I have it all set for me and that I am a liar because I could never worry about these things. I think the worst part about all of this is that when I envisioned my life, I thought I'd have so many friends by this point and always have an event to go to. I feel like my youth is being wasted and I am scared for my twenties because I hope to God that these years of being young and having fun aren't just spent sitting around on a couch.

What is my problem? How can I stop this? I feel ashamed for posting this on the internet for everyone to see. I feel like I've tried everything. Is there any hope left for me? If you read to this point, god bless your soul. 

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I think you are so so brave for posting what u feel, for posting everything, that takes true courage. you have nothing to be ashamed of here, no one will judge you, you have every right to feel the way u feel now. yes, you are going through a hard time, you are where you are and that is completely ok, no one who has been through hardship and suffering all of a sudden has riches and good fortune. There are a lot of people on teal tribe (a group on facebook which is the same thing as this site in a way) who are your age and feel the exact same way u do, even going through very similar things. You don't have any problems, know that things can change I promise you even right now it wont seem like it, look at Teal Swan's life or people who have miracously healed from cancer. The point of darkness is to desire and create the light, and you desire compassion, friendship, understanding, and we are here to help you. Ok so, I promise you, you wont spend the rest of your youth feeling it was wasted. Take very small steps, find what u like, a passion or hobby or something to pass the time such as simply drinking tea, then go online and find websites like meetup.com to which u can find like minded people and clubs if u want to join them and make friends. realise that those who aren't on this path, who are unconscious will find it difficult to understand you 100%, so u can also join Teal Tribe and there are tons of people who would be willing to meet up and even become your friend for life haha text, call or video call people and meetup haha   . moreover, when u go out, be honest and upfront that u don't drink as much because you love dancing so much that's what I tell my friends,and yes u could be anxious when u tell people this but breathe in their energy and u will find that u have not been hurt by them, (a teal technique).

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Thank you. It really amazes me that someone I don't know would take time out of their day to help a random stranger. I actually think that writing it all out and putting it out there helps a lot. I didn't expect anyone to respond and your kind words really mean a lot. I guess it will take some time. I haven't heard that technique, but perhaps I'll try it. I started doing yoga a lot more often, so hopefully that will be a cool hobby that will bring me to like minded people. 

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On ‎27‎/‎11‎/‎2016 at 9:04 PM, Lionaide said:

Thank you. It really amazes me that someone I don't know would take time out of their day to help a random stranger. I actually think that writing it all out and putting it out there helps a lot. I didn't expect anyone to respond and your kind words really mean a lot. I guess it will take some time. I haven't heard that technique, but perhaps I'll try it. I started doing yoga a lot more often, so hopefully that will be a cool hobby that will bring me to like minded people. 

that's really awesome if u ever need to post something or express something always feel free to put it out here or on teal tribe, so many will listen, you stay awesome, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you are an amazing expression of the universe, a beautiful wonderful soul, now show those people how to do yoga hahaha

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Hey Lionaide, funny how the world works... I post a Topic, click down and see this one called 'Help' and get to read how you are starting to awaken and get to read Damon's reply; he has some great suggestions by the way.

Please, please, read this following but think of what Damon is saying while you do. His message to you is to move from what you are currently thinking onto something you are inspired to do. By doing this you are switching your brain pattern into action mode and finding joy and liking where you are going rather than stuck in your current thought patterns. Now, read on...

What I like about what I read from you is that, like Teal, you have decided to be authentic and I know you know how hard that is already by reading what you say about how others treat you. Teal had this to say on a YouTube and I paraphrase: this person smiled a lot, went through life like a dream (or they thought they did) and yet people would ask "Why so angry?". This person would think, "But I'm not angry, I'm passive and meek." Yet this happened a lot to this person. What it was, he/she was actually angry inside but didn't realise it. On the exterior was kind, considerate and screaming on the inside. Teal's Completion process goes through how to deal with this. mainly it's a suppressed emotion hidden way down deep inside. Because it's so deep it's not recognised for what it is. Reading between the lines with your life so far, you are screaming on the inside. On the outside you yearn for friendship and understanding, yet people turn away from you. It seems the harder you try the harder it is. have you heard of Teal talk about the "Law of Attraction"..? It's what you resonate becomes like a magnet that the Universe goes "oh, that's what you want, well here you are, take this" In other words because you are thinking that you are alone and unloved, the universe is giving you more of what you are constantly thinking of and therefore what you resonating with. On the other hand, what's inside of you is what you are suppressing. If you are scared of being lonely then you are resonating with loneliness and therefore more loneliness is coming up to you.

Also what happens with suppressing our past (read Teal's Completion Process book) you'll find that there is something that happened to you when you were young that makes you a match for loneliness. I'd hazard a guess that from what you say about your life so far, there's not a lot of love coming from your parents. Are they distracted by their middle-class life? You never mention love from them or that they are there to support you or that you have discussed how you feel with them. I'm guessing here that you'd be emotionally reacting and have a deep gut feeling about this fact. So far, with this search of yours for love and friendship, you basically have been resonating with "not being loved" rather than that you deserve to be loved! So it's what you run away from runs harder after you.

Please read Teal's first book "The Sculptor in the Sky". It's about what you are, who you really are and why you are here. I'd say that you came into this physical 3D to be inspired by being bought up in boring middle-way America to want to learn to leap out into the unknown; completely free of all that you now realise has been holding you back. What I like about Damon's reply is that he's suggesting you test your wings. But please do it little by little. What I'm liking about you is that you have taken the biggest first step by realising there must be more than being closed off - after all you wrote this Post and that alone is worth a 100 people scared and still stuck in where they are without ever reaching out for help.

By the way, you are never truly alone. You have your Spirit Guides standing next to you with their arms open to you, without judgement and totally loving you. They are happy you are awakening. In fact i think deep down you always knew there was this part of you but you weren't allowed to show it...

Lionaide, please read Teal's next book, a how to love yourself workbook called "Shadows before Dawn". 32 separate ways to help you learn to love yourself and put yourself before others.  The reason for putting yourself first is that you are the most important person to you that there will ever, ever be and you need to fully know this. 

Then comes Teal's Completion Process. By the time you get to this book you will have met a very dear friend who will be totally there for you - a friend for life. I'm picking this friend will be a little left-field like yourself and it may not be quite what you expect, but will show true worth after a fashion. Have fun!

And so the point of this for you so far, is that as Damon says, there is nothing wrong with you. You are actually where you are meant to be and right where you are meant to be. I'd say though, it won't be long before you decide to leave where you are and move to another place where things will start to happen for you. It's a bit like being in paradise and totally bored. Go somewhere that moves you. And as for trying to solve everything all at the same time, Life is made up of pieces of a puzzle that we only need to put in place when they come along and not before. This is what you are slowly coming to realise I think; so please do not try to complete the whole puzzle picture by grabbing the wrong piece. Each piece comes along exactly when it is meant to. Baby steps, baby steps. A baby learns to walk by trying not by thinking. When she falls over she gets back up and tries again and again. Soon baby is running, then climbing.

And, rather than Yoga that Damon suggested, look to Meditation. And maybe go visit a clairvoyant - oh, of course, you already watch and read Teal... but learn to be in touch with your eternal Higher Self. Teal has YouTubes on how to do all this. Going to a clairvoyant may prove worth it. And I'd recommend that you go with specific questions in mind, written down and not general questions. Know that answers are for what's currently happening. Generalised questions get wishy-washy general answers.

Enjoy the journey. 

Ever-loving kind wishes to you on this   :-)

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Chrystal Rob,

You are pretty spot on with everything! And you're right about my parents, it's not that they don't care about me, it's that they just don't understand my need for adventure. I've grown up around the same people and the same places my whole life and I have been so sheltered that I knew nothing about the world until college. 

It's funny, I started balancing all my chakras and some freaky freaky stuff happened, synchronicities left and right. Then I got saved by Jesus Christ! I was about to graduate and basically I just said, what the hell, I'm just going to put myself out there since I'll never see any of these people in my life ever again and what do you know, I got to go to beach week, met a bunch of cool people and had a blast! Guess it really is true that when you stop caring about what other people think, things start to happen.

I just graduated, moved back in with them and have been really really bored here. But I've decided to go for my childhood dreams of working in the entertainment industry. I 've started networking and met someone who basically told me that she was going to take me under her wing, introduce me to the right people, etc. I'm going into debt doing this, but I've decided that it's now or never and if I don't jump on these opportunities that I'm basically going to end up like my parents, in this house doing the same thing every day with the same old same old crowd and places. Nothing exciting, nothing new. I've figured out how to tap deeper into spirituality and how to use it to further my art. And it's only the beginning of my new journey. I've just gotta go for it, it sounds absolutely crazy but it's what I have always wanted and the only thing I've got to loose is time, but my parents aren't going to kick me out of the house so even if I'm in debt for a little bit so at least I know my survival needs are taken care of. 

I like what you said about baby steps! I wonder if taking baby steps is the key to avoid spiritual bypassing. It's just the beginning but like the lotus flower, I'm gonna grow out of this mud. And it might really really suck for some time. You're right. I'm angry inside. No not angry, RAAAAAAGGGEE. But now I'm converting this rage into pure PASSION. And I'm going to paint the world with my passion. 

The law of attraction totally works and if I didn't believe it before, I sure do now. I'm seriously mind blown. Love is real. Love is real. Love is real.

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Dear @Lionaide I am sorry that I never got back/responded sooner. Giving people a 'Like' vote (it's changed now to an 'Upvote', is one way of alerting people to a post reply - the other is the @ symbol, then their name straight after...
Anyways, how you doing? I hope that law of attraction (desiring something and focussing on it) is carrying on working for you. Be good to hear an update on your life since this last Post!

Bestest,
crystal Rob

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It's been going okay. I was super unprepared for graduation- didn't realize how complicated it was going to be to get a job, etc- and moved back home with my parents. This has made me realize that the entire root of the situation is that I can't be myself around them. I live a double life. Around them, I am one way, supressing myself everyday. Around everyone else, I am completely different. I don't know why but my values are so contradictary to theirs. There are some real consequences if I came out of the closet- I would have much less privacy than I do now. They would become helicopter parents x 100.  It's not even like they would disown me, they would become that much more invasive, trying to save me & get me help. Everything, down to the clothes I wear has to be a certain way, even how I carry myself. The reason I don't have a lot of friends is because the people my parents want me to be with- I just don't click with. I literally can't let them find out. So this obviously has to change. I want to stay in this city, however I think shit would seriously hit the fan- in a really bad way if they ever find out. If I want to find the freedom to be 100% myself, I feel I'm going to have to move, maybe across the country. I feel like this could b e running away from the problem, but I just don't see how it could work living here. They are very hard to set boundaries with- there is always a big blow up every time I try to do that. They make it impossible. If I'm going to set a boundary, I may need an entire continents worth of land between us to protect me. I need to put my dreams on hold because I am going to need to financially support myself 100% in order to actually do this. So I can either 1. stay here, invest in property (what I really want to do and will be able to in a few months ) 2. stay here for a year or so & rent, then book it to california when I feel the timing is right. 3. Invest in the property, live there for a few years and then go to california when I'm ready & rent that property out as extra income and hire  a property manager. (This is what the best case scenario would be. - I'm just afraid that shit would hit the fan before I'm ready to move.) I eventually want to make it out to cali at some point, I just would prefer to have a couple of years here first. It's a tough call, but I have to put my personal expression first, even before my dream career.

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Hey @Lionaide looks like you have some choices available which is cool - so many people feel totally trapped because they have no choice at all. 
Interesting... I am totally floored that you can have funds to invest in property. Is that salary or wage-based funds supporting this investment as you will have a bank loan or are you 100% funding from your own pocket? Dunno if things are different in USA but if you need work to support a house loan it limits you slightly in future choices. Then again, don't tell me that money is coming from your parents...
So before I can give any opinion - that's if you want my opinion, I'd need to know more about why you see having an investment property is a good idea? 

On the parents front, ha! Teal's YouTube "Needing Space" I watched directly after (and because of) someone I said I'd distance myself from - talk about synchronicity... so running away is the same as being inauthentic because you have an aversion (resistance) to something. Feelings etc are there to assist you if you know how to use them. Not being able to interact and solve the dilemma that's creating the situation...
So, if you don't mind another perspective, try this...
Imagine that you are on one railway track, your father on another track, your mother on a third track - all running parallel to each other, never actually touching or crossing over but close enough to speak. You can talk across the tracks to one another and when you look further, their parents are also on parallel tracks. You all have a point of view on "How Someone Should Live Their Life" and the point of view comes across from grandparents to the parents to the children - in other words from the Past directed towards the Present and towards the Future. Except in real life, parents die and children are left with the residue of What Their Parents Tell Them is Right or Wrong. (societal beliefs).
But in this parallel track scenario they are still there alive and kicking, talking away trying to get the attention of their children to tell them what they need to do. Now, jump tracks - be your father and listen to what he was told to do. Jump tracks, and become his father, who is being told by his father on the next track. And so on. In this scenario, you can become the grandmother - listen to what she is saying. Listen to your mother - then jump, back into You and 'hear' what you are being told. And 'feel' what you are being told. Now,k jump back into your mother and 'feel' her. etc with each.

If this makes no sense say so... but the point is we all get fed "what to do" what isn't the right thing and what is the wrong thing. But if you jump back into your mother and feel how she is taking her mother's advice you'll see that she also had/has problems. So when you examine your mother's thoughts and actions through her life you'll see there is a pattern of belief that is being passed on. 

The idea here is Perspective - and then Compassion for how others feel or felt. How does this impact on you now, about how you feel and what you will do?
You have to live your life but also be compassionate and understanding of others points of view - then decide your own mind. That is not running away. That is being authentic. yes others may not react how you want, but that is because of their pattern of belief - you can only be responsible for your beliefs - but you can be compassionate and understanding of theres at the same time. There is a Win/Win there somewhere.

So, your track is not their track - while they run in parallel you are on your journey not theirs. Being understanding of them and their desires, you may find either of your parents didn't make the choices they should have made (or made choices they regret) - so are mirroring what they fear as well as what they truly desire. The idea is to figure out what they have suppressed and what you have suppressed that gets triggered by any reaction you have to what they say. 

But your track and theirs are different. The fears and hurdles are there for you to figure - but mistakes only mean something if we learn from them and are inspire us to figure out what we truly desire.

I hope this has some meaning for you. It's a cool little exercise to get you thinking and questioning why you believe what you do - and what you will want to do.

Have fun with this exploration!
crystal Rob

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Rob,

Yes, that makes sense. I've done a lot of thinking, and I think I do want to stay here. Actually, getting a mortgage is much simpler than most people believe. There are programs here that allow you to put down only 3% for a down payment. I am getting a condominium, so there are lots of affordable options around here. All I need is to land a good job and save a few thousand more dollars. I'd like to do this rather than renting because when you rent, you are throwing money away each month, whereas when you pay a mortgage, you are building equity. I want to start investing now so that I can start reaping the benefits early. 

I also watched that video and realized that was totally me. I think what I want now is to live in the city with a good job and make a lot of friends and always have people around me. I want to break the conception that people need to be alone to heal. I just want a booming social life and I want really close friends who genuinely support each other. Eventually, I want to start a business of my own, though I don't have a concept as of yet. I'm really happy with this decision. The next step is just securing the job.

Hope y'all are doing well! Thank you for checking in.

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You are on your way. Finding things you desire means your focus has shifted from obstacles towards things you want. Ain't it refreshing when you feel that shift. The Universe has now recognised this and is aligning you to help you.

Have fun and may all the Joy you desire be yours. 🙏😊

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I feel your pain. i grew up in the South but rebelled and left home asap. I went to college on the west coast but was eventually called home and now live in my home town but all my family has either moved away or passed away. My anger and rebelliousness motivated me to find my own way, to experiment and explore. I now live in a loosely organized therapeutic community where I try to help others in recovery and contribute to my community. I resonate with Teal Swan because she is doing the same kind of thing on a much larger scale and because of her authenticity, sharing the pain and struggle of being a leader and a healer. You feel so alienated because you are sensitive to other worlds, other dimensions of existence. Other people don't often share that awareness and so don't operate at that level. Use this awareness you have to help others who struggle to understand their pain and alienation. Use these gifts to shine the light of truth into the darkness and unspoken lies of your society. To sit in your room smoking, watching Teal videos and trying to understand is like sharpening a tool without ever using it. Use it or lose it, share the love and find peace in purpose. You've been blessed, you are a blessing. It's all about relationship, we can't give if there is no one to receive.Go back to school, volunteer, get involved. Do something to help someone else and in the process you will be blessed. Find your passion, it's in people!

Come see us if you want to see what we do.

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