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time to be vulnerable

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time to be vulnerable

( First time was perfect and now i have to type it all over again since the fucking forum told me to try again.. and yet my PMs can remember what i've typed even if i haven't entered the message yet.. Just with there was a security measure when you're trying to submit a topic to the forum.. My muse is like gone now.. wonderful.. I fucking knew i should have copied everything i just previously typed..)                    so anyway

So, yes.  I've come to a realization/Rememberization that I am hyper aware.  It's been this way since birth.  Being super aware that I am separate from my body, observing myself thinking, feeling, every single thought and feeling to be felt even if i can't grasp all of it all the time.. i let it be there, enter and exit through me and what stick, sticks.. 

I am comfortable where I am right now, even the fact "I am doing ' nothing' "  despite what i or others may think of that sometimes..

I realize again and again that i'm working towards these dreams of mine.  and those feeling of being guilty and shaming myself for being lazy and not being a part of change and all that..

I LOOK at ALL the plants

that we've grown with our own hands, loving attention and care.  And even watching all this nature return to my very backyard garden that's growing more and more on it's own and will be tended to once this home business is out of the way.  I've seen SO many birds, insects, arachnids, and anthropods?  those tomato bugs and even slugs, and hopefully very soon we will hatch our own frogs who will return to the pond they were born to procreate.. I'm wanting to create my own sanctuary.  heck, we even get these two cats coming into our back yard quite often.  not as much in recent weeks but they still come and just meditate and wonder around.  it's wonderful to watch.  it's REALLY like they too are bringing this energy and life back to this patch of land i live on.

But yeah, about the lazy thing.  I SEE my progress already.  I'm much better at writing lyrics and improving the way i write a story as i go along.  and tapping back into my inner childs creativity more and more.  I had close ties with him even NOW but i just had so much stress and invalidation that it became too much sometimes..

It's all coming together and i will have a better vantage point whence the next chapter of my life comes to a close.  So as I have always done.  enjoying the company of my friends, loving the roof over my head and all that sort of thing.  and I don't use this to tell myself to be quiet if i ever want something, because me myself and I are aware of when we want something, but we don't have to have everything NOW..

even if we may think like that sometimes, y'know?  I want everyone else to know that it's OKAY to take a break.. I have known many who pretty much get deffencive about " I've got to do it"  " I have obligations, "  " that's what it means to be adult" or whatever the fuck.. and het they still TRY to come to you and whatnot but then profess how bad they are and wonder how you cannot hate them, etc..  

(There is one guy i haven't heard from in so long and I HOPE he's alive.. since he lives in the US and there is alot of violent crimes going on and all that.. Now HE was a great great friend who validated me, and bolstered alot of things back into me that I didn't think i'd ever get appreciation for in my entire life in the ways he did it.  )

specially if you take the moment to think if you hperhaps ave a work at home day or something.. you can literally go hang out with your son/daughter/pet, even cleaning your home!  Anything.  And just return to it like in 10 minutes or more.. but make it a practice ( but not making whatever it is a chore)
specially with something that has always kindled your fire, both new and old but I find those old flames that still continue to burn within you will erupt into fireworks the moment you give them a target to shoot towards, a chance for utter freedom, for limelight, whatever.

I mean.. EVERYONE, no matter what you think of them is their own person with their own problems and joys, specially at the end of the day or even DURING their profession hour.  to most people it's their life and they LOVE what they do and it mingles with their private life.  THAT's what's lovely to me.  that we can all be real with eachother BUT still get that privacy but KNOW that others know this.. it's like having a close friend.  you don't worry about anyting, except for if you haven't heard from them in a bit.. as for me, I manifest friends very well, specially ones i've made a very close connection within these past months.  they pop up if i pray hard enough even to get a hello and to know they are alive is good for me.  to have any amount of time with them can be made into something pleasent!  and it's NICE to see that people think about you when they send you a message, even if it's just a hello and perhaps nothing much after that but it's just that perhaps so many people don't know how to really connect, so they go straight to like " want to fap with me?"  or something BUT doesn't mean they are not more complex.  heck, I have a few of them and i've gotten closer to them, sometimes even THROUGH the thing they are trying to do with you.  activity is what really allows for connection, teamwork and all that lovely stuff, for it brings forth your possitive traits.  it's lovely to watch people in all ways just light up together and alot of the tension sinks away and whatever comes up just comes up and there doesn't seem to be any akwardness about it!  and if there is something that somebody doesn't want to look at, things can easily replace it.  i have this as well where i don't feel as stressed when i send anything to certain people.  the aftermath isn't where i end up sending million messages that like a mile long each yammering on when i might not have needed to.  but some of it simply comes from wanting to be completely understood and not have people draw the wrong conclusion of me and stuff.  and being hyper aware.. i'm trying to sort of avoid negative reactions, BUT many of the people i wouldn' t normally  fear that sort of thing with.. they REALLY don't respond the way i'd fear from time to time.  these people REALLY help me out ALOT in so many aspects and even though i don't get to see them much anymore due to their school and stuff like that.. I'm BLESSED to have had any amount of precious time with them!

But yeah, again, to go back to the note about how you just need to take one step at a time and enjoy where you ARE.. you MUST.. Lol.. not forcing anybody though when saying that..
I love ALL of you as well, this forum is amazing and gives me SO much more feeling of purpose and that my voice does matter and can reach others, not just those in my private life.  Soon, I'd love us all to become more active and vulnerable on this here forum and out there in that world that we were once taught to fear and think is ugly, evil and whatever else... specially the bit where we were taught humanity is a scourge.. We are SOOO fucking divine.  and I'm with Teal with this word becoming the most universaly used word than GOD and other things.  since from what I've seen, It's SUPER expressive and can be used for super positive expression, honest expression, even to express negative emotions but without supressing things due to trying to sound nice or whatever the hell.  I've gotten along well with people who have a bit of a potty mouth but they DONT even do it in a vulgar way.  and only get nasty when people get all whiney about it.. lol..  But yeah, i STILL don't swear around the elderly.  they REALLY don't deserve it, they also came from tougher, rougher, and in a way, much simpler times.  We've all got to start studying true history and how even right now, specially nowadays, how WE are LIVING history, making it with every step we take.  for one thing, I'd love if everyone got to make their own book, even biographies... so we ALL know eachother by author.. We can all START to use the internet and get into Such and so's life, say if they start to take up travel and show people unique ways of living all over the world, etc.. THAT's what i want to see.. i want to SEE people more free.. even to do outlandish things, like make a CITY look like something from an RPG that blends in with nature and even bits that look super futuristic but without having that air of a prison.. xD

I can SEE it's all possible to even have flying cities, and even cities beneath the SEA.. This shiet is possible people and i'm sick of people thinking it's not.. why would it not be if there are aliens, angels, fairies, dragons, and beings living in hollow earth?  Hmm?  Why not, if there are spirit guides, demons, unicorns, white magic, black magic?  See where I am going with this?  Gawd.. if we acknowledge source.. how can we NOT acknowledge that ALL is possible.. JUST as possible as it isn't.. what about the quote " unthinkable " things that go on and that people don't want to face or believe is real, etc?  it IS real and it HAS been REALITY for many, such as TEAL and even us in some form or another. SO why fight about who had it worse when we all had a different flavor of the same painful experiences?  We can empathize and begin to understand things without luckily having to experience the thing physically since we KNOW how to travel back in time with the person telling their story.  THATS how we can ever SAY we feel sorry for anybody.


You guys are all so lovely.. I LOVE you all.. ALL of you, I mean this.  You've all made me feel like my voice can REALLY reach another that isn't just in my personal life.

@Amazawa @Garnet







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And one more thing..  If we are EXTENSIONS of source consciousness.. what makes any less or more than GOD 'itself'?


And there were more that i wanted to tag last time, so here I go again.

@Andrea Barrett @Akurabis @Tessa Rae @Kim @Stephanie Wintermute @Amit @CherieJ @Lilia @Chakra @Haidar1996 @tiffonce @GabijaCij @Atom @Wind @Trinity Anderson @Micah @Amazawa @Garnet @JasmineAmethyst @Damon is Awesome
@Pastor George @Michael Rogers

( I'm sure I've missed somebody but if you find this topic, have a lovely forever. )

Edited by AbsoluteWave
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