springhaze86

New point of attraction in love?

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New point of attraction in love?

Hey everyone, 

Question about love and points of attraction. I have a history of attracting narcissists and even sociopaths. In noticing this pattern and noticing I had a lot of unhealed wounds, a few years ago I began therapy, healing, self-focus, etc.  The past couple of years I've been attracting completely different men; men who are very sweet and attentive to some degree but are also a bit complacent, introverted and don't communicate all that well. Men who obviously develop feelings but don't really share them, and seem neutral about our status. I end up feeling a little bored and lose interest. I understand the narcissist-codependent points of attraction and I think I've healed a lot of that dynamic, but this new dynamic isn't making sense to me in terms of shadow work. Any ideas?

Thanks!

Edited by springhaze86

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Sounds like you have healed a lot indeed. good stuff :)

 

first things that came to mind when i read your post was: being happy with the things you got. Why do you start to feel bored after a wile? and what are your expectations towards a relation?

 

Just sharing my thought, i hope it helps

 

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13 hours ago, Strings said:

Why do you start to feel bored after a wile? and what are your expectations towards a relation?

 

Good thought. I guess what I don't want shows me what I want...I want to feel liveliness and energy in the connection. In other words, it feels vanilla but I want funfetti. I guess I wonder why I'm receiving vanilla when I want funfetti. 

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Yeah I still don't fully understand how it works myself, its good that you know what you want tho. 

I used to attract really abusive gals, now I'm attracting really sweat and open-minded gals that just wanne have a good time with me. As in cheating on there boyfriends or not willing to commit, and that's a no go for me. What I got out of that was that I wasn't fully committing to myself either. So more shadowwork for me :) 

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This is definitely a lifetime shadow work. 

The closer you are to the ideal variant of you, the best being you can become on the Earth, the closer you get to the being that is going to mirror that exact thing (and support it). 

Once you have commenced this process with yourself and made a wish to the universe to GROW, soul mates will appear that push the right kinds of buttons. Those hurt usually. You sweat, work hard, and doesn't even work to get attached because they most times disappear. When their job is done. The more you ask of yourself the more hardcore your relationships will be. Do not mistake that to abuse and any kind of self hate mirroring you may attract, these are unhealed wounds, not "next level" helpers. These are something that is definitely better to deal with yourself, without a partner if they are a huge issue. My opinion. Or you may hurt yourself.

Once most of the soulmate job is done and you have vented most things you can vent with one you may become a vibrational match to someone who is balanced and can support you in your higher self journey on this planet. No sooner. 

I do not think you can cheat your way into a really deep/good relationship if you are not sinking deep enough into "spirituality" and also set clearly the goals you are meant to achieve. If you're superficial with yourself your relationships will be likewise. 

My opinion. 

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When it comes to narcissists and co-dependents, the relationship is always on an uneven playing field.  There is no emotional intimacy, there is no communication, and each side is trying to manipulate in different ways.  The narcissist manipulates by bulldozing over the co-dependent, and the co-dependent allows them to so as to feel better about themselves and keep the narcissist hooked--because if they stood up for themselves, it would end the relationship.  That's just one example, though...

If you're attracting men who aren't emotionally expressive, that would be consistent with the narcissist/co-dependent dynamic.  Of course it's less extreme, which means you've probably been working on yourself a lot, and that's good.  It seems that the lack of communication and emotional intimacy must be your shadow, and it's popping up in these new, albeit less severe relationships.  

It would seem you've made progress, but perhaps you're only halfway out of the trauma at this point?  That's what I sense from you.  In any case, it seems if you've made progress you should keep doing what you're doing.  Good luck!

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