AmandAzul

What is the best and quickest to heal and cut the negative energy cords from a NPD psychopath who is fighting for custody of our child? How can I empower my child and keep her safe even when she is forced to be in his presence?

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Hello all,

Im so happy to be here and be a part of this community.  I have a question because I have been really working on healing myself over the past year from !!!!! Abuse. I have been doing a lot of inner child healing and meditation and working at raising my frequency, and empowering my children. I have been working hard at my focus. 

I am going through this custody and visitation battle with this man that cares more about winning than our child and he keeps purposely trying to take her on visits that are not safe for a two year old (hiking on mountains that cliffs are not barricaded). He is about to get unsupervised visits for the first time and he is being so unreasonable and I am trying my best to go through my lawyer and not give him any impression of resistance or he fights harder. He has been dragging out everything trying to twist every little piece of every thing he can. It is draining to even have contact with him and I do my best to limit it. The courts however want me to prove my reasonableness and that I am attempting to coparent. I have tried everything to deal with him in peace and love to no avail. 

 

I appreciate ate any who read this. I am trying my best to focus him away from us with love. I want my daughter to be safe. Does anyone have the best advice in dealing with a NPD psychopath who only wants to win no matter how immodest he is being with the life of our 2 year old and his ability to parent her? Do I let go and let things play out? I just want to make sure I do what is best for my daughter. I want to know I used my voice and did what I could. This is NOT me nit wanting a father to be a part of her life. I would not have any problem if he was in a healthier place but he is not and this is about him winning and trying to attack me by using our daughter when he only has the idea of having power and control over me ruling him. My lawyer calls him a bulky who only wants to win. Unfortunately the family court system gives everyone parental rights until they prove by physical evidence that they are incapable. It really is unnerving and I only have so much control. I wish I had more over the well being of my child. It should never be like this for a child so young. 

Btw he lives in another country so he only comes down every month or two and has only been down here 5 times since December, when he HAD to show up for court stuff. 

 

Any any advice will be appreciated. 

Thank you all.... I will keep working at healing and sealing the gap 

 

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.. perhaps you answered your question yourself, but are resistant to accepting the risk of possibly being wrong. It is probably best to relax and let things play out, if that is what your intuition is hinting at. I am so sorry that you have to go through such a troubling situation. I have faith that your great love and care for your daughter will keep her protected. Listen calmly and carefully to your intuition, and have faith.

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Thank you for your reply. 

My gut tells me to protect my daughter. But my knowledge in dealing with this type tells me to not resist. There is a balance. If that makes sense. 

Also, having the feeling of needing to protect ... I have to work on! 

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I have found through the same similar experience that mediation on your true self and your children's true selves with unconditional love without control is essential.  You can teach basic skills how to problem solve.  Yes mediation takes alot of effort.  Mirror work is essential.  Like any situation the closer you get to  yourself and work through your issues life becomes better.   The payoffs are great. Having young adults that can problem solve , know what they want, can deal with pressures of life on their own and still are very close to in a loving growing  relationship is Amazing.

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I am dealing with this and unless you have ever been with in this type of relationship people don't realize how tragic and traumatic  it is. So, I commend you for finding your way and being as strong as you are.  Have you looked into the term Narc ? There are many resources out there to help during this process. You aren't  dealing with a regular person. Resistance and confrontation usually makes things worst. Some times we need to understand the whole picture an d go from there. 

 

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Thank you Olga for the link. Yes, I have done a lot of research and therapies. It is hard work and nothing like I have ever been through but I refuse to be a victim and I'm trying my best to recover. I am a part of a community that is recovering from the same type of abuse. The N that I am dealing with is especially insidious and it has taken all of me to be able to get where I am with him. Any other resources or suggestions are greatly appreciated. I'm doing the best I can. Thanks to all for your help and support and love! 

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AmandAzul, if what you are saying is true and he's not interested in the child, only in winning, why don't you give him that? you care about the child, not the winning anyways, no?

if he's not interested in the child it doesn't matter that he's winning (parental rights, which he has anyways, from conception), he'll take his win and slowly fade away. at the beginning he might tend to make a point out of it, like really prove that he'd won, respect the sharing schedule and maybe even try to rub it in your face a little, but if he doesn't really need/want her presence in his life, soon enough he'll find reasons to avoid taking her, more and more.

i think the longer and unpleasant the battle, the bigger will be his need to make a point and rub the win in your face. and if he won't win, he'll be restless and unsatisfied and not accept it. and it might not end there.

just my two cents.

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http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/8247796

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/angerandconflict/a/Divorcing-A-!!!!!.htm

these two site had some amazing articles about this very thing as well. I understand not wanting to be victimized. They feed off of the pain and stress we give so we have to more more reflective and strategic when trying to relase our selves. One thing I have found is that though they can be capable of anything. They are pretty much text book in their ways. They will always have a pattern and even though we feel to protect our selves we have to react and do something. It's actually more so not reacting, they keep around because something is feeding them the supply". So, we must not react but find a release else where. Keep our boundaries, keep rules completely intact , be immaculate with the rules when it comes to him. Your lack of supplie will eventually start to bore him and he may let go in need of finding supply else where. If you dive deep in self work ,  share this spiritual beliefs with your child in whatever way , mediation, connecting , and maybe even crystal work.  Reassure your child that you will be there and your always going to no matter what. You can provide your child depending on the age a small prepaid phone so that they can call you incase of emergency. Do what you can to insure you feel you can be present. You find that your higher vibration and will actually start repelling him. When you don't engage and you become apathetic he will start to destroy him self. He will slip up he will reveal his intentions. Narcs tend to drive themselves into the ground we just need to step out of the line of fire. Then you will only have to keep everything  you can in terms of proof. Emails , letters , keep everything. Only speak to him via email. As for your child  Teach your child healthy boundaries. Empower their inner self because if they spend time with him they may need to have that reinforced.  Lead by example treat yourself and try to create good times as if he Dosent exist.  Be good to yourself and honest with how you feel just don't let him gain that information. You will get through this and you and your child will be alright maybe not today but you will. You are already stronger then you are aware. ????

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does he love his daughter? do you not trust him be alone with her? I'm sure your daughter wants to see daddy and misses him. Tough

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Thank you all. I will be able to process this more when I have more time later but want to say thank you. 

 

To to answer the question about the N getting unsupervised visitation, it is hard to tell if he is doing things to make me fear he may hurt her or if he will actually hurt her. He just took out a new life insurance policy on her and now on his first visit he is trying to go to a lake or mountain hiking. She just turned two in May. Before he left last year (she was one) he pushed down an embankment into a pond. It is basically my word against his in court. During unsupervised visitation he sets her down in parking lots and turns away and sat her up on wall barricade at the zoo over the grizzly Bears. He does stuff like this. Sometimes it feels intentional and sometimes I wonder if it's to get a reaction. I don't want to risk her safety. There is also the matter of him being so careless and unconscious unable to have empathy and not having a preventive mindset with the safety and well being of a toddler. He has clearly not cared or shown love for her, and when he has, it has been for show. These are the main concerns of mine. 

 

Thank you you for your replies, again. I will respond more later today. 

Edited by AmandAzul
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