ste92k

Finding approval for having separation anxiety

5 posts in this topic

Finding approval for having separation anxiety

Helloo

Can you help me find approval for having separation anxiety in relationships / fear of abandonment ? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
55 minutes ago, walt said:

I approve of you being brave and sharing your feelings on this board. Can you share some more?

Thanks walt :) I don't know if it has to be a quality to find an approval for it.. but I'm trying to learn about complete acceptance of oneself.

Basically I'm always fearing that he's gonna let me down or leave me. In fact when we don't see each other I am afraid I will never see him again coming back. And that's where also the separation anxiety comes in because when we separate after meeting up I feel the fear again. I fear it less if we agree on when the next meeting is gonna be, so I can be more certain I will see him again.

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, ste92k said:

Basically I'm always fearing that he's gonna let me down or leave me. In fact when we don't see each other I am afraid I will never see him again coming back. And that's where also the separation anxiety comes in because when we separate after meeting up I feel the fear again. I fear it less if we agree on when the next meeting is gonna be, so I can be more certain I will see him again.

I feel exactly the same.

Here are some positive aspects of having separation anxiety (it's quite hard):

1) You don't take the meetings for granted.

2) If you let the person know about it, he/she will feel needed and cherished.

3) You can let this become your reason to form intentional communities.

4) You will be extra sensitive to children's needs, assuring that they have secure attachments.

5) You are extra sensitive to the human's natural need for connection.

6) You are in touch with the idea that separation is unnatural for human beings.

Have you thought of any yourself?

 

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, walt said:

Anxiety is a symptom of a deeper issue. Trying to rationalize it gets you nowhere.

Yes it is.

You can either do shadow work on it or find approval for it.

In this case ste92k specifically wants to find approval for it as a self-acceptance exercise.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/12/2016 at 3:13 PM, ste92k said:

Finding approval for having separation anxiety

Helloo

Can you help me find approval for having separation anxiety in relationships / fear of abandonment ? 

Hello ste92k, 

feeling separation anxiety is absolutely valid. What you probably fear is most likely the consequences of that person possibly not coming back.

For ex., I completely understand why so many animals  (dogs especially) experience separation anxiety when their caretaker leaves. What's going to happen to this dog if the owner does not come back? I have seen animal control taking dogs... or animals in shelters... it's terrible. Animals can forsee things. I am sure a lot of them get that knowledge from the food they are being fed.

22 hours ago, ste92k said:

 

Basically I'm always fearing that he's gonna let me down or leave me. In fact when we don't see each other I am afraid I will never see him again coming back. And that's where also the separation anxiety comes in because when we separate after meeting up I feel the fear again. I fear it less if we agree on when the next meeting is gonna be, so I can be more certain I will see him again.

This is not just a separation anxiety . You basically putting your entire existence in someone else's hands. I think this probably makes it very hard for the other person too. 

Definitely work on your confidence. Prioritize what matters to you and prioritize what matters for your relationship.  And definitely try shadow work to see what had caused you to feel this way.

Hope this helps!

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now