Eveslofl

I feel so unheard

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I feel so unheard

I feel so unheard, unseen, irrelevant, invisible.

I have so much to say but I judge myself before I say things and so I never say them.

If I do say them I instantly regret and cringe.

When I post something on Facebook I get a stupid anxiety and instantly regret posting it.

The more I hold it in the more distorted when it comes out and the harder it is to release so it becomes a vicious cycle.

I used to think I am lucky to have a group lifelong friends but this year we have grown apart because I no longer feel understood and accepted.

The biggest fear is to say or do something that I take seriously and come out as completely irrelevant.

Even criticism is better than being seen as irrelevant or not being seen at all. But of course criticism hurts too.

Sometimes I wish I have an "off" button so that I can exit without actively ending my life - which I'm not even bothered to do.

Sometimes I feel like I didn't choose to be here so why am I here? But I know that if I feel like that then there will be more "wake up calls" and I will suffer more - so I can't do anything. It's like I'm forced to appreciate life when I really don't want to!

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11 hours ago, Eveslofl said:

It's like I'm forced to appreciate life when I really don't want to!

I sense lots of resistance to what wants to come out.  Please consider letting go of the resistance and letting yourself flow like water.  

I once considered exiting too... then, I asked: since I want to exit anyway, what do I have to lose by following my desires?  Living fearlessly has been so much better!

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Hello @Eveslofl

I feel that you probably care a lot about how people see you. Maybe you have someone who can help you express yourself? someone who's words and opinion you can relate a lot? When someone helps you with this it feels like having a warm hoodie, anxiety goes away and words just flow easily... I think my husband and I use each other for this purpose a lot :D

 

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This is exactly how I've been feeling.... alienated.

I know the things I say are true, but most other people don't understand.

Actually, it scares me sometimes how few people even want to try and relate. Many just don't want to put in the effort. Which is too bad, because I seek to understand where people are coming from if I don't understand immediately what they are trying to say.

Even as I type this, I'm afraid maybe I don't relate to you... but it just is so familiar to me...

Trying to express myself... Then realizing how crazy the things I've been through will sound to most other people... I am able to see how the worst could be perceived with whatever I am saying, how I could be misinterpreted and it scares the part of me that doesn't want to be rejected.

It's just so clear to me sometimes that I was never meant to live the life that I thought was normal. I also, am not bothered by the idea of death. 

I feel like there is a lot more painful things in life than death.

I can't just ignore the hurt like other people. I can't just think it's fine when I see people hurting or being insensitive to other people, or animals... most people are so used to seeing pain that they've forgotten what it is, and they've given up on a better way of living. 

I'm all in or nothing, and because of that I seem to get hurt more...

Make no mistake; you are here for a reason. Sometimes we can't see that reason from where we are in the present moment... and sometimes we don't need to.

If you are in the practice of listening to the universe, I would like you to ask the universe that very question. What is the meaning of my existence? And see what kind of answers you can observe. You can ask the universe any question, and with time and patience, the answer will reveal itself.

If the answer is coming from a space of self-hatred, that's how you know it's not real. Any answer like, "I'm here to be miserable for the rest of my life" is an answer coming from your ego; the part of you that wants to see the worst in things in order to protect yourself. in this practice I want you to be in the habit of living in the present moment. Forget who you think you are, and just be. You can think any thoughts you want, but those thoughts are not who you are.

I would maybe quit social media for a while. I feel like oftentimes my need to express myself becomes distorted by the ego when I post on there... Not to mention.. I don't care for my physicality... like... it's not like I don't like how I look, I just don't feel a part of myself.

I'm trying to be more okay with the fact that most people will simply not understand. It's something that can't be forced... I'm also trying to be in the practice of loosening my grip on all the things that I want to cling to.

I hope this helps dearire. I'm still getting there, too. You are not alone.

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I hear you. Seriously. The vibration of feeling unimportant is so strong, almost every response to your thread is a reflection of that vibration of being unheard, echoing an inherent lack of understanding about what you need - which is unconditional presence allowing you to go into and feel what you are feeling completely. I have this exact same core belief. After going into the CP over this core belief tonight, it's gotten a little bit better. I discovered that this is my dominant negative vibration - feeling unimportant, invisible, unheard, and pointless. I can and have attempted to make myself visible, and heard, in various ways, but they have been mostly superficial, a desperate attempt to win love and acceptance from someone - anyone -, it always turns out to be a temporary fix that doesn't last, because you end up only feeling more and more unheard, more and more lonely and more and more rejected, because you aren't ever being fully you. 

I only recently fully realized that this is my dominant negative imprint. It was both a heartbreaking and an incredibly cathartic realization for me, because it explained literally everything in my life, every action I have taken, every time I've fallen in love with someone who didn't even consider me an option, every time I've *not* gone after what I've wanted, it's all because I feel totally, completely and utterly unimportant. Why the fuck would anyone bother doing *anything* when they feel that way?? The desire to just lay down and die is a desire that is always in the back of my mind, every single day. It's a feeling that I thought I had healed, but had instead only buried and rejected even further.

Realizing that this incredibly powerful feeling is my negative imprint allows me to go into that feeling every time I am triggered by it and feel it completely so that I can heal, bit by bit. I don't know exactly how you feel personally, I can't, but I do understand it on my own level. I do know it is possible to heal. 

Edited by lightworker
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I hear you ! I think most of us feel the same in one way or another.  We are so disconnected with people and ourselfs that it all seems meaningless.

You are the path , the reason why you are here ; discover youre true self , you are a divine being that is placed here for a reason.

I find so much love and conselation in the Tribe , i know i am not alone , i know there are a lot of us spread over this amazing planet , that is why Teal is a catalizer , to bring us together in love .

Wishing you connection and light and love.  :5761e0b415fa2_EmojiSmiley-07:

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4 hours ago, lightworker said:

I only recently fully realized that this is my dominant negative imprint. It was both a heartbreaking and an incredibly cathartic realization for me, because it explained literally everything in my life, every action I have taken,

You are doing powerful work, @lightworker, and shining your light even brighter into the world. I am blessed for having met you. You are important to me, and you inspire me! I often wonder what I can do so you can sense that without crossing boundaries, yours and mine.

Sending you lots of love for your amazing journey to being fully you. <3

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Guest Hyejin_Jang

I used to feel that way, exactly same. And I am feeling that way, time to time, not the same degree I used to feel in the past though,

1. What I did to overcome the fear is since I was so fearful for other's reactions to my words, I just wrote anything  I wanted to write on MS-Words programm, often. (It was usually about how I felt when I grew up, my story.)

2. And just posted something I wanted to write in a facebook group. Yes, those unseen, unheard vibration mirrored 'no comment'. or 'no interest' reaction. And the fear also closed myself up for any chance to allow others.  But what helped me was the fact that at least my words could be out in public, that was enough to get out the suffocation in my mind. (Not enough to resolve the issue though.)

3. Knowing that 'There is nothing wrong with me.' helped me A LOT to releasing the resistance to who I am now.

A lot of the times, when we are in  the healing process, we get in the trap of thinking that "I am still not good enough to (           )., I am not good enough for (           )". Especailly, if we have the ideal concept, "A Perfect Person'.(=Lovable person) 

When we read some articles in spirituality, psychology or self help, we get to see ourselves 'NOT READY YET' person. But What I realized is that those who are loved and love themselves are the one who are living with their current pain, problems, flaws (even if it is something that can be seen 'A BIG PROBLEM' by someone's perspective.) . It is better to live who you are than to keep trying to 'improve' any status on any level.

 

4. Knowing that others also can say something irrelavant, or make mistakes too, as I can say something ridiculous or make mistakes.

 

5. Self Talk and Question,

Questionning helped me to feel heard and loved.

Before I went to sleep, I asked myself like 'Am I really not a lovable person?' or Am I really the one who doesn't deserve love from others?' Then Some resistant thoughts came up then I talked to them one by one and going into the root of the thought. This helped me to change my self identity in a way that allowed me to be more free.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Hyejin_Jang

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13 hours ago, Amazawa said:

You are doing powerful work, @lightworker, and shining your light even brighter into the world. I am blessed for having met you. You are important to me, and you inspire me! I often wonder what I can do so you can sense that without crossing boundaries, yours and mine.

Sending you lots of love for your amazing journey to being fully you. <3

Thank you @Amazawa <3 I do feel it!! I appreciate you a lot :) 

9 minutes ago, Hyejin_Jang said:

Especailly, if we have the ideal concept, "A Perfect Person'.(=Lovable person) 

When we read some articles in spirituality, psychology or self help, we get to see ourselves 'NOT READY YET' person. But What I realized is that those who are loved and love themselves are the one who are living with their current pain, problems, flaws (even if it is something that can be seen 'A BIG PROBLEM' by someone's perspective.) . It is better to live who you are than to keep trying to 'improve' any status on any level.

Thank you so much!! You really hit the nail on the head. I love this, very wise insight. 

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Guest Hyejin_Jang
24 minutes ago, lightworker said:

Thank you @Amazawa <3 I do feel it!! I appreciate you a lot :) 

Thank you so much!! You really hit the nail on the head. I love this, very wise insight. 

I am so glad to hear that. Thank you too!

Edited by Hyejin_Jang

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This is such a late response but thank you so much everyone for responding! Everything you said makes more sense now I’m in a better space. It’s clear that shame is an underlying theme in a lot of the problems I face. It took a combination of many small actions towards self love to slowly heal from it. Hope you all are doing well!

Love, Eveslofl

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