ChinaDoll

Respecting (other people's) time / the illusion of punctuality

7 posts in this topic

Hello!

Not sure if the subject of incapacity to deal with earthly time has been yet brought into conversation, but it can mess with one's life very hard and very much. I started thinking about this one also from a spiritual point of view, when I came across an article that filed under the tag of vampirism those people who run late, fail to deliver things they promise they will on time, fail to comply with aspects of time limitations, in a way that is disrespectful to the time of other persons involved.

Being a chronic procrastinator myself, I tried to understand where does this come from. I feel for those persons who are like me because I know what an impossible pit this is, sometimes deeper to climb out from than forms of depression. My failure of tuning in to earthly time has resulted into many opportunities lost, but like a person who ca't quit smoking while learning about its dangers, being faces with consequences only made me feel more powerless. Attempts to improve with no result always added up to this. My psychological hidden scenario seems to be that I can't get to mobilize myself until it's too late. Until it's deadly late. Until it's so late that my efforts have just a 1% chance to be considered, and even then, to half - especially in the worls of instant action-reaction that we live in. The fact that in the present spontaneity equals competence threw me outside of the game to the point of not even being able to lock a good, serious job so far. And this makes me so unhappy. But yet, I can't seem to gain any respect for my own time. Of course I get depressed when I see people succeed when I see other people invest time to work towards their purpose. But right now I feel it's so late, and now that I'm approaching my 30 the question where do you see yourself in 10 years becomes more and more scary.

I'm not speaking about missing a date or two. I've NEVER been in time to any appointment I made, was always late for school, I'm late to all my doctor's appointments, even to skype calls, where I don't have to consider spending time en route. I'm always sending work past deadlines - even weeks past, I'm doing all sorts of inadmissible things by all human standards just because I can't seem to have a sense of time. I can't approximate it, I can't respect it, I can't understand it. What to do to start perceiving time? And not disrespecting others with my unpunctuality? Which could be the cause?

Thank you!

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Picture yourself going to an appointment and your are perfectly on time. Take the first tought/emotion/feeling or whatever comes up instandly.

no need to think something up. Than take that symptom and find out where you had in your life that same symptom and run that incident out.

Than check again if there are earlier incidents.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Or just get a wristwatch. Or a pocket watch. Just something that makes it easy for you to know what time it is. Maybe even watch the clock count the seconds for a whole minute to get a sense of the flow of time.

 

In Germany, where I'm from it is expected to be there 15 minutes before, so that you can prepare yourself beforehand.

 

In the end it's all about priorities. Why the fuck don't you want to meet people?

  • Upvote 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's amazing, and I want to thank you guys for this. @Display, I currently live in Germany and that's what determined my question - the fact that in here I've had so much more to suffer due to my drifting out of time. Everytime I'm about to do an appointed thing, it feels that my life absolutely depends on those 20 extra minutes I got to spend with me and not rushing out the door. Those minutes also the greatest distractions / temptations step in - something awesome I see, something I totally forgot to solve, a button I have to saw in because I HAVE to solve it now. Can that wait? Yes. Does it feel like it? Not at all.

And I will have to try the meditation suggested by @Tibor and post the results here.

I was just watching this interview with Teal where she says time doesn't exist and that's why I thought to check the topic here again. I take longer time to do anything, I'm the last to finish tasks, and I think sometimes it feels that this "helps" me is because it gives a fake impression that I gain more time. Apparently, since times immemorial my way of dealing with time is by getting out of it. This would help in Kindergarten, so that the ordeal of being among other kids would fell like lasting less, maybe during those horrible school breaks when I was bullied, those are the 10 minutes I always seem to insist reclaiming probably. So I know right well unpunctuality is an illusion, just like time is an illusion. The trick is that unpunctuality feels like adding value at a first glance, and to a a brain so wired to immediate gratification, the despair and fear of future takes out its claws exactly by taking revenge on those poor 10 minutes after the meeting hour, which is when I usually only get out the door.

Besides it being an illusion, unpunctuality is almost an addiction, because those 10 minutes late are never enough, so if it works being 10 min late, why not pushing to 1 h late. I'm probably the nightmare for people coming from a disciplined culture like Germany,  I don't even know how to explain it to those people I care about who know me. :)

 

 

Edited by ChinaDoll

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, ChinaDoll said:

That's amazing, and I want to thank you guys for this. @Display, I currently live in Germany and that's what determined my question - the fact that in here I've had so much more to suffer due to my drifting out of time. Everytime I'm about to do an appointed thing, it feels that my life absolutely depends on those 20 extra minutes I got to spend with me and not rushing out the door. Those minutes also the greatest distractions / temptations step in - something awesome I see, something I totally forgot to solve, a button I have to saw in because I HAVE to solve it now. Can that wait? Yes. Does it feel like it? Not at all.

And I will have to try the meditation suggested by @Tibor and post the results here.

I was just watching this interview with Teal where she says time doesn't exist and that's why I thought to check the topic here again. I take longer time to do anything, I'm the last to finish tasks, and I think sometimes it feels that this "helps" me is because it gives a fake impression that I gain more time. Apparently, since times immemorial my way of dealing with time is by getting out of it. This would help in Kindergarten, so that the ordeal of being among other kids would fell like lasting less, maybe during those horrible school breaks when I was bullied, those are the 10 minutes I always seem to insist reclaiming probably. So I know right well unpunctuality is an illusion, just like time is an illusion. The trick is that unpunctuality feels like adding value at a first glance, and to a a brain so wired to immediate gratification, the despair and fear of future takes out its claws exactly by taking revenge on those poor 10 minutes after the meeting hour, which is when I usually only get out the door.

Besides it being an illusion, unpunctuality is almost an addiction, because those 10 minutes late are never enough, so if it works being 10 min late, why not pushing to 1 h late. I'm probably every German's nightmare I don't even know how to explain it to those people I care about who know me. :)

 

 

You sure not born 10 min too late (cause if youre born to late you never catch up with that in your life) thats funny statement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Tibor You'd laugh, but I am. I'm actually born 10 min earlier apparently that's what I heard. My ID says I'm born one day later actually, which would have been 00:00 next day.

Maybe that's why I feel that I'm entitled to those 10 minutes to start with. Because they're not charted so they're MINE. And, like, don't matter (ouch).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, ChinaDoll said:

@Tibor You'd laugh, but I am. I'm actually born 10 min earlier apparently that's what I heard. My ID says I'm born one day later actually, which would have been 00:00 next day.

I wanna to make you laugh its a something i ones used when i was late as excuus for a very important meeting with 16 very important man.

Funny thing was that nobody said something about it they were so confused and unsure and thinking "huh is that tru or bullshit" but they were afraid to be wromg about in front of colleague

And i got away with it easely  But its just bllshit

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now