M_The_Raven

How to escape deep depression & toxic loneliness?

9 posts in this topic

i feel like I want to die. Some days.   

Like.   --- unhappy.  Lonely.  Sometimes.  I lose hope.  And I would say I'm one of the most unusually optimistic people i know.   There's few less optimistic.   However.  I have to say.  I fall down.   I'm a human ---- rife with flaws.    I could list them all down here.  But it wouldn't matter.    I've got so many flaws and fallibility it's not funny.    Yet.   My personality flaws aside.  I've for the most part of my existence  been a person of integrity. Authenticity.  Friendliness.  & good intentions 

 at some point those feelings diverge with reality. 

Its truly impossible for an intelligent person to live a truly authentic life.    We all wear masks for convenience.  To hide ourselves for the reasons of work.  &  survival. 

Entrepeneurship is great.   That said.  It's another mask.   --- "the business mask". 

Public relations.   We all do it in life.  We rarely have time to be authentic in expression.  

I'm sensitive.  

I'm insensitive.   

I have depression.  

I need help. 

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I have been under a spell of heavy pain and isolation.   I feel as if it's crippling loneliness.  

And yet.  I blame no one around me for it.  No horrible antogonists have come and done me wrong.    

I've simply just felt achining disease of spirit lately.    It's been a painful thing to admit.   

I need help.   ---  I'm very unhappy. 

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Here's an excerpt which contains info about something called "Lifeline" that I came across a while back reading a PDF document called "Fringe Knowledge for Beginners", which you can get for FREE here . Just scroll down a bit to find the link to download the full PDF if you're interested. 

When you feel overwhelmed with negative emotions, life seems to suck, shit has hit the fan, or whatever. . . Hope this helps:

 

Quote

 

Emotional Balance

When you’re feeling down, you’re feeling down. The biggest problem is that unjustified negative emotions limit perception, meaning you fail to recognize, remember, or observe the positive side of things. Your decisions and train of thoughts are affected and you create negative consequences that stick you deeper in the mud. This creates a vicious cycle whereby a negative attitude creates negative experience that further reinforces the negative attitude.

What makes a negative emotion unjustified is that it either outlasts the event that provoked it and no longer serves purpose in motivating you to resolve the problem, or else it descends upon you without an external triggering event. One example of the latter would be lunar influences: on certain days you might feel very irritable or depressed, but these feelings arise by themselves. Only after you let it steer your train of thoughts does the feeling then seem to have justification. Maybe after a feeling of gloom comes over you, you start thinking about all the things wrong with your life, which only deepens your melancholy. Or maybe you feel irritated for no reason, but because of this someone innocently rubs you the wrong way and after snapping at them a verbal fight breaks out, making you really feel irritated. But all these start with an unjustified negative attitude, and if you can nip them in the bud then you won’t be creating the mental or physical consequences that would further reinforce them.

The only way to break out of a negative state is to choose a more positive alternative out of your own freewill. Freewill implies choosing what you prefer for the future, not what you feel justified in continuing based on the past. So if you were stuck in a negative attitude justified by all the thoughts, memories, and consequences created by it, you could easily think, Why should I feel positive? Look at all this misery I am surrounded by, but that is choosing to perpetuate the past, not initiate a new future. The proper response would be, I understand that emotionally I am not sober right now, therefore I choose to turn things around. By turning around your emotional state you then see things more clearly and realize that the only reason your negative attitude felt justified before is because your awareness was constricted.

The first step is to become aware of yourself while you are still overcome by a negative emotion. If instead of blindly obeying the emotion you catch yourself and simply observe your own internal sensations for a minute (racing pulse, knot in your throat, throbbing face, heaviness on your head and shoulders…) then that helps to disengage you from the impulse so that it may subside.

After becoming aware of the situation, you can then choose a technique to pull yourself out. The external quick fixes for emergencies involves taking several deep breaths, eating something (especially chocolate), going for a walk, or taking a nap, but these are just temporary solutions that border on being cop-outs. Another solution is to talk it over with someone you can trust; often when a negative attitude is externally imposed by dark forces seeking to get you into a fight, mentioning it to the other person (if they are open minded to that possibility) stops the attempt and causes the negative pressure to suddenly lift.

The ideal technique is an internal one whereby you transform your negative emotions into positive, degree by degree. One such method is called a lifeline. When you are drowning in negativity you need a lifeline to pull yourself back to shore. Something must lead from your drunken state to sober state in order for you to follow.

Without it, you are not equipped to make that transition.

During states of what ultimately turn out to be unjustified negativity, rather than reasoning your way out, simply pull yourself up a “rope” leading toward a more balanced state. This rope can be a prayer, an affirmation, a meditation, an inspirational book— something that guides you internally toward regaining emotional balance. As mentioned earlier, negativity clouds perception and subjectively rearranges, distorts, and blots out the perceived facts. But a prayer, meditation, sequence of spiritual facts coming from a place of sobriety and anchored in print or memory, this survives any transition you make into negativity and serves as a lifeline back out toward clarity and balance.

If this idea appeals to you, try creating your own lifeline to call upon when necessary. It can be a message to yourself written while in a positive state to be read later when you are under pressure. It can be a short poem to ponder, progressing degree by degree from negative to positive (sorrow, compassion, understanding, acceptance, comfort, hope, gratitude, enthusiasm, joy and finally love).

It can be a book of wisdom tidbits that remind you about spiritual truths and the bigger picture. Sometimes it is enough to turn within and focus on the word “peace” or “gratitude” for a couple minutes. Actually, with sufficient willpower and focus you can dispense with mechanical tools altogether and simply turn within, think of your spiritual self and the grandness of the universe, and thereby raise your frequency to an exalted state. But under severe pressure the lifeline can be a godsend.

 

 

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My ex girlfriend I talked today.  Ugh. That was the extent of how low I was feeling.  That I reached out to her.     But it was like comforting only for a second.   

Until it became painful.   

I don't know ----- I feel as if I'm ready to shift my energy.   But I do feel like I'm lonely.   

I feel as if I have friends. None of them want to be authentic or true with me at the moment. And even the good friends.  

They mean well.   And love me.   But I'm going through a crisis of my soul and it's true.  I must tune out of the world.   If I even remotely pay attention it derails me. Because it's freaking awful. 

Flip on the tv. and ur bombarded by toxic bullshit.  

And it's pervasive.   It's everywhere.  

It can feel like you're all alone in the world. No one out there gets you or even if they care about you.  They don't understand what is going on with you.  And you feel lonely. 

And it's not just negativity.   It's loneliness. Because.  When you're misunderstood and censoring your thoughts and censoring how you present yourself to the world to "fit in".  Then.  You are feeling unwhole.   

But if you do say what you feel. Even if others don't agree.  It feels good as long as your heard and they show empathy and care. 

But I don't think we do much to encourage that kind of communication.    

I feel inundated with public relations and advertising and salesmen all trying to sell me a brand or an image.   And  I feel like I'm an alien sometimes.    Where are my people at? 

'Where's my tribe?

why did my tribe leave me on earth when they took their spaceship and left the Galaxy leaving me alone on this planet?

Edited by M_The_Raven
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I feel you and understand. I can relate to what you say. Loneliness, depression, pain. I think the first thing we have to do to move forward is to understand that it's all okay to feel like this and accept our current state we're in. Reaching out to people can be a step in the right direction, because it shows that somewhere there is a will to live a happy life.

You can choose what you let into your life. No need to watch the news if it's all negativity. Do something you enjoy, whatever it is. It can be small things or big things. What do you enjoy? What are your passions? Being sensitive can be very painful but it is a gift. I have been deeply depressed and I am still struggling with depression. I started writing in a diary and I highly suggest that. It can help you understand yourself and your needs. I think that's what depression is much about, that your needs haven't been met. Have you talked with your friend about how you are feeling at the moment?

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I need help.  I need a positive influence in my life.   I need people with good hearts and kind souls. 

I've made many mistakes.   I'm a flawed person.  But I'm not a bad person.  I have regrets about certain things that I've done.   There were good people and good influences in my life.   

I acted unfair to those people.   I am not innocent in being 100% perfect.    I really need a friend.   I need a friend like.  Soneone like you.   Who could just be kind and accept me.   I'm so sorry if I ever unintentionally hurt anyone on here.     I'm so sorry.    I'm so sorry.   

i really need a bond or a sacred friendship.   

A kinship.   A bond.  Alignment.   A place where I feel accepted for who I am.  Warts and all.  

I'm sorry for all the horrible energy I carried with me unchecked.  Unaddressed.  I'm so imperfect.    I have never had bad intentions.  But I need grace.   I need serenity. 

 I'm on my knees begging god for forgiveness.   I feel so much charged toxic energy.   And I want it gone. 

I need help.  I need a positive influence in my life.   I need people with good hearts and kind souls. 

I've made many mistakes.   I'm a flawed person.  But I'm not a bad person.  I have regrets about certain things that I've done.   There were good people and good influences in my life.   

I acted unfair to those people.   I am not innocent in being 100% perfect.    I really need a friend.   I need a friend like.  Soneone like you.   Who could just be kind and accept me.   I'm so sorry if I ever unintentionally hurt anyone on here.     I'm so sorry.    I'm so sorry.   

i really need a bond or a sacred friendship.   

A kinship.   A bond.  Alignment.   A place where I feel accepted for who I am.  Warts and all.  

I'm sorry for all the horrible energy I carried with me unchecked.  Unaddressed.  I'm so imperfect.    I have never had bad intentions.  But I need grace.   I need serenity. 

 I'm on my knees begging god for forgiveness.   I feel so much charged toxic energy.   And I want it gone. 

I need help.  I need a friend and ally.    I need kindness.  And i miss my friend @PROFIT   

I miss my friends.   The people who don't judge me.  They treat me kindly.  I'm so sorry for projecting my emotions on others.  I have felt so emotionally charged. 

Why did I allow myself to get involved with anyone toxic or with bad intentions for me.  

I need your help. 

Can you spare some grace and forgive me for my faults.     I've hurt myself.   

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Find music to validate how you're feeling... that is the one thing that helps me no matter what. Even getting more friends, is only a temporary cover up.. They are bound to be drawn away eventually.

I'm sorry you are in a dark space right now... But have hope. 

this is one of my fav's. Maybe you'll like it too... I also love the band azeda booth... Love sad music <3

 

"Life is beautiful... but I can't see it that way...." 

This whole album is a masterpiece <333

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