Shack1212

How to release pressure on myself?

2 posts in this topic

To Teal:

I feel like I put myself under constant pressure. My sibling is also someone who puts huge pressure on himself to achieve big projects and successes.

My father was never impressed by anything we did in our life. I feel like this is a constant pain weighing on me. It's like that made me grow up under pressure to prove myself as valuable all the time and chasing after the validation I never got. No matter what I do I feel like I'm not good enough.

Do you have any recommendations to release pressure on yourself? 

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Hi Shack1212

I noticed your post didn’t have any replies yet, and thought I could offer my opinion, and the link below. I too have suffered trying to be “good enough”. And I wonder in your case, what do you need to be good enough for? Perhaps good enough to impress your father? For me, it was both my parents I was trying to impress. They were validating of me sometimes, and I have many positive memories of them. But I was not taught about the true nature of my self-worth from them, or anyone else, before Teal Swan.

From years back I have the “21 suggestions for success by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.”. It resonated with me so much when I first read it that I cried. Suggestion 1 is “Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.” I took that as absolute truth, but that had the negative consequence of me believing that my wife was responsible for my happiness. I went from trying to please my parents to trying to please my wife, always thinking my self worth and happiness was something to be earned.

Suggestion 21 is “Don’t do anything that wouldn’t make your Mom proud.” further reinforces the idea, and if read literally, puts impossible standards on oneself. I always felt that I needed to live up to the expectations of others to be loved and valued, even while I tried to love unconditionally. I had managed to put myself in a kind of emotional bind in which I condemned a large portion of my needs, desires, thoughts and feelings. I lived in shame even though most people viewed me as a good person, simply because I didn’t feel I was good enough.

Even as I wrote the words above, I cried a little. There is a lot of pain to be found in trying to be good enough. My new focus is unconditional love for everyone, starting with myself. More and more, I’m letting go of concepts like good and bad, and even right and wrong. And instead focusing on experiencing unconditional love, joy, desire, health, kindness, authenticity and acceptance. I no longer need to be “good”, let alone “good enough”. I no longer “need” to be or do anything, and that is very freeing. I am that which I am.

I hope this helps. I wish you the best. - Aaron

How Do I Discover Self Worth? - Teal Swan
https://youtu.be/8KQEZ4TXFzM
https://tealswan.com/media/310-how-do-i-discover-self-worth-teal-swan/

Edited by Aaron
Corrected an error in wording... Changed "I had really managed to be myself in..." to "I had managed to put myself in..."

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