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Bernadette

Gray rock

5 posts in this topic

Hello Tealers,

About a year ago I ended a 5 year relationship with a !!!!!. It was 5 years of toxic torment. The constant gas lighting, shifting, lies, anger and blaming threw me into such high stress and anxiety I truly thought I was crazy. I literally felt like I couldn't keep myself together. I was crying every single day. I  believed EVERYTHING WAS MY FAULT. I hated who I was. I hated how I was feeling. I hated..... Me. 

After 5 years of arguing, crying, suffering and pain I ended the relationship. It was the absolute best decision I EVER made. But he didn't make it easy. Within 3 weeks after I kicked him out he obtained a lawyer and began custody filings. After we broke up I was dealing with a head spin of depression and anxiety. I was SCARED. I didn't know what was going to happen.. Where I was going to end up. All I knew was that I couldn't be in a relationship with him anymore. I literally couldn't get off the couch. My world was dark with pain and fear. It was one of the hardest times in my life. 

A year later and my life is the happiest I have ever been! I've gained true peace. I've developed soooo much awareness and I feel... Free. I'm finally the person I always wanted to be but couldn't while in that relationship. The weird part about everything is I'm grateful for all the suffering I experienced in that relationship. He was able to dig  up my shadows and shove them right in my face! He loved to expose my vulnerability. He loved to bring all my dark hidden pain to the surface. And without him doing that all that, those unhealed aspects would still be buried and hidden. It would all still be operating deep within my subconscious and manifesting itself through continued suffering. So... For that.. I'm grateful!

Im still dealing with custody issues. When he obtained his lawyer I had no money. He knew this. He thought he could scare me into giving up my rights. He wanted to blackmail my past against me. Well, I got a lawyer and I'm now defended. And my lawyer isn't letting him control me anymore. We couldn't agree in mediation and now it's going to trial. If there's anything worth fighting for its my child! 

Dispite my new found peace there's still a lot of fear surrounding court. I'm trying everything to raise my vibration and feel good. I watched Teal's video f the law of attraction and that made so much sense! I was hoping to just raise my vibe so high we would fall out of alignment. But after learning about my higher selfs point of attraction I think this is all happening so I can experience a degree of self empowerment. Which isn't happening comfortably! Lol..but is none the less. I'm not backing down and I'm taking action in the situation. A year ago I would have just rolled over and given up my rights. But not now. I'm heading into this with optimism and hope. But still there's a degree of fear....

I titled this gray rock because of a new approach I just learned for dealing with !!!!! and psychopaths. And that's to act as though you are the boringist person in the world! To be a gray rock and blend into the background. Give them no emotional response. Be so boring they get tired of you and move on. To give them no narcissitic supply. To be non reactive and boring boring boring. I'm hoping to try this. I know it's going to probably be one of the most difficult things in the world! Because if there's something they are good at its agitating an emotional response! But I will give it a try! And I'm sooooo glad to have learned about this technique before court proceedings. I will def apply it then.

so... Have you danced with a !!!!!? Have you tried to be a gray rock? I'd love to hear stories and experiences! 

Thank you for reading!

stay authentic! ?

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Hi Bernadette

I can relate to your situation. I have 3 children with an ex who is highly !!!!!. I definitely apply the grey rock approach as essentially I believe they are emotional toddlers and feed off any attention, so providing them with negative responses encourages them to still contact you (create drama). Also if you are still responding to them it implies you're still seeking some form of validation from them which I think part of healing and empowerment is letting go of this. I stick to only email contact about only necessary issues and all drop offs and pick ups are done via a third party. I  still  feel an attraction to the !!!!! though  and have recently become  interested in doing Melanie Tonia Evan's recovery model to try and shift the underlying  trauma/ shadow aspects that are still  emotionally keeping me attracted to narcissists. Teal's new book on the completion process appeals too as I believe part of what drew me to the !!!!! is  my matching  emotional level of maturity. Would like to share a healing journey with you and others on here!

 

Edited by Open_Eyes_Say_Yes
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