12 posts in this topic

Hello and Namestie (this feels awkward saying since i'm not use to say it but it feels good anyway?) Members of this Fine Community i would like to reintroduce mayself in this forum since i was already in it 

my name is Haider i'm living in iraq and was born in libya my family moved to iraq in 1990 becuase of the war at that time , i was born in July 13  1996 (cancer obviously ?) in a little village in Libya called almarj (translated the meadow) i was somehow a feminine boy since i was 3 prefering dolls over other toys and prefering pretty much mostly considered "feminine" stuff and (i dunno why fate brought me to libya where it's like ..a pretty backward society and not accepting anything "abnormal") so my mother would watch me put the bathroom towel in my head and pretend to be a girl with long hair ?, mom like any normal mom scolded me, at that moment i was like shocked . Why it is not okey to do this and she was like "becuase you are a boy  not a girl " i was like "????...um... ok..(secretly trying not to entertain the thought that i cant) 

so i was like play when she does not see ???

i loved libya espacially bengazi i spent 17 years of my life there and it was just a tranquil almost isolated place from the world people don't know of war and are moslty financually stable i swear i'm not

lying you could throw a bag of money like 2000 dollars in the street and wait 5 hours and nobody will even touch it , they are most likely to bring it back to you  (that was before thair revolution of 2011 ?)

so it was pretty quite there at that time..but still , people are brainwashed by a religion that it's like a figure that turns into an innocent baby and sometimes morphs into this terrifaying  creature of judgement and blood and then returns as a cute little baby, no side is fake both sides exist in this religion and this religion is non other than...Islam

I have a love-hate relationship with Islam , you see my parents were not so religous but me and my siblings we where into it (becuase of what schools there taught us ) but inside..deeeeeeep down inside i knew it was bullshit but felt guilty about it so i was into it mostly to feel a sence of belonging with other children , i remeber when i learned about heaven and hell for the first time ......yeah...it was.... Truamatic 

but as u grew up i became afried of rejection  and bieng left out  of the group so i repressed most of my desires but not entirly so that i can live on 

but still praying to god to bring me to a place where i can be appriciated and loved and these nice stuff ?

but no . I was brought to iraq ...1000 times worse place especially the city that i'm in basrah 

i would really really REALLY wish that teal does an out of body scan on iraq it might clarify lot of things to the world and me 

but thats for another thing 

you see i'm alone ' most of the time alone no one understands me nor care about how i feel and can't find anyone like me cuz i'm stuck in this forsaken backwater called basrah

i'm studying architecture there but i can't do it i'm too hopeless and devoured by the despair of this place 

i feel so empty end hollow and unseen and unheard and invalidated that i wish i could drown myself without feeling guilty 

so.. i need guidence ...from someone anyone or just somebody to talk to

feel free to ask any questions about me i will be more than glad to answer 

please ease this pain as pathetic as it may sound ..... 

 

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I believe we have arrived at a space and time where we are all being called to start living free instead of in bondage (in a rat cage).  I sense you are completely boxed in and miserable, @Haidar1996.

So, let me suggest what Teal has been emphasizing in all her recent interviews: pay attention to your feelings and emotions, to let them be your compass.  If we want to live and see a better world, we must learn to be brave and follow our emotions as our guide to action.  If something feels right, we do it no matter what the mind says.  If it feels wrong, we stop doing it no matter what anyone else says.  No one can guide us better than our emotions because they are the language of our Soul.  

So... please learn to listen to the language of your Soul.  Feel your emotions and let them guide you to the actions that will set you free.  It will be super scary (it was for me), but so worth it!  Living free is how we were all meant to live. And, you DO KNOW how to live free.

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  @Amazawa it is scary because i don't want to end up alone or rejected my prime fears are rejection , emotional vulnerability and emotional humiliation because my emotions have been invalidated since what ....um ....always , so i have a really really REALLY hard time trying to connect with someone because where i live does not appreciate any kind of raw emotional expression  , if only i have ways

 to shift my frequency so drastic that i line up with different people , but i can't , i can't meditate my mind gets triggered when it hears the word "meditate" or  "meditation" and does everything but to be still , i have severe brow headaches , i frequently have nightmares and most of them hold the same feeling signature "DOOM" , and my mind has developed this "catastrophic thinking pattern" and every time i enter my inner world or sit still , anxiety in my body instantly gets triggered .

so i'm stuck what do i do everything feels like doom or fear , i now know what i hold of a vibration , and it's doom , everything is close shut and even typing this makes my heart race so fast.

but thank you for suggesting and listening to me :) 

Edited by Haidar1996

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hey man i know one thing that has helped me out is getting on psychotropic medication. I have a mental disorder with a lot of anxiety and depression to the point if i miss on dose ill feel like endig my life. The medication that the american tax payer pays for that i am on has literally saved my life from committing scuicde. if you are not a fan of this there are herbal suppliment you can get on. i also have attention defincit diorder big time and im on an herbal suppliment of ginsing which is a natural stimulant that helps me concentrate hopefully i just took my first dose and already i can feel myself thinking clearer. hope this helps

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59 minutes ago, Haidar1996 said:

so i'm stuck what do i do everything feels like doom or fear

I like to believe that we always have choices, and choosing to be stuck is a choice.  

Reading your latest post, I am compelled to suggest that you do the Completion Process (CP).  It may be difficult to get the book where you are, but google everything Teal has recorded about CP.  Then, start doing it for yourself.  

My first experience with CP happened spontaneously while I was listening to the recording of Teal's Paris Sync Workshop.  She helped two ladies with CP, and while I was listening, I ended up doing CP on myself.  The result was amazing.  My 12 month long suicidal depression left me!  I finally felt peace!  From then on, my life has been on fire!  I changed everything!  Super scary, but super liberating and super empowering!  I create my reality for sure!

 

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@Amazawa well i've watched some of the videos now about CP and i'm not sure if can do it just from watching Videos ..i mean it feels impossible to guide yourself to a process where you have just watched happen to a specific situation or emotion , what if i have a different emotion or trouble ? .. i just can't do something out of a video and make it my own what if i mass up the process ? what if made a new trauma while trying to do it ? , iv'e tried on some days to let myself sink into pain and be with it it made things worse , so i dunno how you guys do it i just can't trust my self to play with my being .. so  i dunno .

i wish i can get the book or anything , or book a session , but no , i don't have the resources to do that

so once again i'm stuck , and i don't think it's my choice to just be so ...yes.. 

Edited by Haidar1996
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CP can happen many ways. it can be from watching a CP workshop or anything really that alters you inside and out.  and it's been happening since the dawn of mankind to be honest.  It's wonderfully powerful.  it can be also little things throughout every single day!  that you may not know that altered you until later down the line or still not at all.  you're changing daily, and it's a lovely transformation for every one of us.

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i know they do it all the time ...my fairy nardine told me that all humas  do cp at some point but in a different ways but teal made it the most direct way possible it seems 

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1 hour ago, Haidar1996 said:

i know they do it all the time ...my fairy nardine told me that all humas  do cp at some point but in a different ways but teal made it the most direct way possible it seems 

Now it's in practical terms once again.  Just many just like now didn't listen.  Well.. More in the ancient days DID and in many ways DIDNT need it due to the high level things were at.

On 2016-10-25 at 8:29 PM, Haidar1996 said:

@Amazawa well i've watched some of the videos now about CP and i'm not sure if can do it just from watching Videos ..i mean it feels impossible to guide yourself to a process where you have just watched happen to a specific situation or emotion , what if i have a different emotion or trouble ? .. i just can't do something out of a video and make it my own what if i mass up the process ? what if made a new trauma while trying to do it ? , iv'e tried on some days to let myself sink into pain and be with it it made things worse , so i dunno how you guys do it i just can't trust my self to play with my being .. so  i dunno .

i wish i can get the book or anything , or book a session , but no , i don't have the resources to do that

so once again i'm stuck , and i don't think it's my choice to just be so ...yes.. 

Actually you can get ALOT out of a video, specially with her workshops, as if you're one of the audience.  it all goes via osmosis.  And it's very real and sometimes the best way to learn!

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You can do the completion process by yourself. Just realize that your fears are the guideposts to the things you need to work on. Embrace your pain it is the path to health and wholeness because it tells you where the broken places are. Like the old maps that said "here there be dragons" the dragons must be faced to be conquered, hurts must be forgiven to be healed, but there is always treasure on the other side. Are you familiar with Sufism? The Sufi's are the mystics within Islam. Seek them out. Art and architecture go hand in hand. Seek beauty in ugliness and joy in pain. Opposites attract because the complement each other. Someone once said love is letting go of fear. The fear is a sign that we need to embrace something. Architecture is about enclosing spaces but the space is as important as the enclosure. We love you. Peace!

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Hi Haidar, 

I wanted to reply regarding all of the feelings you feel when you're attempting to meditate. I've also experienced feelings of doom, and when  attempting to meditate experiencing an unrest, and then frustration at the unrest. What has really helped me is realizing that I have been in resistance to most everything, especially my feelings. When you remove the resistance, it removes the "anxiety about anxiety," leaving you open to greet whatever arises, even if it's really uncomfortable. If you allow the anxiety, it begins to have less power over you. I recommend watching Teal's Spirituality 2.0 video in addition to watching her releasing resistance and other meditation videos.  Wishing you the best.

 

 

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