Papaya111

job or not?

9 posts in this topic

Hi guys!

I just wanted to ask for help- i really dont know what shall I do now. Im 21 i left university, left my parents, in the meantime had some energy upgrades.. now i feel that my eyes are open, but i dont know how to live in this world. It makes me feel almost ironic. I dont know how to make money. I dont know if i should just jump into a job or not. I feel too insecure with myself to financially depend on it. I feel like whenever I am 100% authentic, people refuse me. Yeah I do have this victim mentality in me and dont know what to do with it. I dont know how to live life with my perspective.

Maybe you know what I am speaking about here, maybe you have gone this road too and now have some advice to offer?

 

Thanks,

much respect and love to all of you,

 

Pavlina

 

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Does it feel like you're straddling a line between the society you were brought up in and learning how to follow your heart?

Why do you feel like people refuse you when you are authentic?

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah. I hate being in my country (czech republic) because of this collective energy field that we have here where noone can (is allowed to) be really happy, its exactly this victim mindset. Do you think that moving abroad is a solution? it would be much easier to follow my heart abroad. i have really hard time deciding if this choice would be escapism or selflove. well i feel like part of my life mission is to be an example of how good it tastes to follow your heart.

 

ive been born with extrasensory abilities (no 3d filters) of which my family had no clue nor understanding for so that was probably the point where i learned that speaking, living my truth means being ridiculed, not understood and punished. 

it feels that i have to make some changes quickly.

  • Upvote 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, @Papaya111! About deciphering whether moving to another country would be right for you... have it happened to you, during schooltime (when you have to wake up early), you wake up at 3 am in the morning, feel very tired and think you have to get ready, and then you see the clock and realise you can stuff your head back into the pillow and have some more sleep? In that moment you feel relief. Or when you really really want a character in a movie to win and it wins? In that moment you also feel relief. If moving abroad is right for you, you will feel that relief the moment you think about it. But try not to overthink that relief feeling when thinking about moving, just see if it appears. 

You are also not alone! I experience the same feeling of 'if i tell my truth, i m rejected' (i m very empathic and loving and was born into a family of emotionally numb people who hated each other). What you ll find is that the other 'weirdos' in the world, just like you and me, will get along with you. Probably you re recreating the same rejection feeling in your life by staying with people who are very much grounded in this reality. But once you process the trauma, you ll find that not only you won t be interested in 'normal people' and them understanding you, you will get surrounded by all kinds of 'weirdos'. I haven t processed the trauma yet, cause i m stil surrounded by normal people, but just knowing that nothing is wrong with me, it s the trauma, helped my situation a lot. 

Love and kisses!

Edited by Minnie
  • Upvote 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Minnie! Gotcha. and thank you. I'm so glad that we have this forum where we can share. You know whats funny? That i am probably a bit afraid of my own weirdness, so when i actually meet people who are "weird" i tend to judge them off and then run away. i fear my true self. one of the biggest fears ever.

  • Upvote 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Papaya111 I kinda fear myself too (now it s waaaay better than it used to be). I ve tried to convince myself that I m actually normal my whole adolescence!! I wore the mask of 'normal, happy, joking, popular' girl everyday and hadn t even realised that smth was wrong with it. The thing that steered me in the direction of weirdos was the realisation that I was struggling to appear normal to get their approval and it rarely happened as for them being 'normal' is normal; also I was struggling even harder to please every single one of them while they all appeared to be focused on themselves primarily. So then I started to realise that the way I am is not 'normaI' and that they were all happier than I ever was because they didn t have to face the heaviness of keeping facades and they even asked for help with their problems (which I couldn t cause my weirdo problems would ruin my whole image). Now I have friends to whom I can discuss spiritual stuff and also to whom I can admit my depressed states. And now, the honesty moment... Even with them I find it hard to admit to my empathic nature and ask for my needs to be met, I m scared of fully letting them in my very complex mind cause I expect they won t understand it and it s just too much for them and I still occasionally need normal people s approval, but not as much as I needed it before, and it s getting better and better.

  • Upvote 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2016-10-24 at 0:56 AM, Minnie said:

@Papaya111 I kinda fear myself too (now it s waaaay better than it used to be). I ve tried to convince myself that I m actually normal my whole adolescence!! I wore the mask of 'normal, happy, joking, popular' girl everyday and hadn t even realised that smth was wrong with it. The thing that steered me in the direction of weirdos was the realisation that I was struggling to appear normal to get their approval and it rarely happened as for them being 'normal' is normal; also I was struggling even harder to please every single one of them while they all appeared to be focused on themselves primarily. So then I started to realise that the way I am is not 'normaI' and that they were all happier than I ever was because they didn t have to face the heaviness of keeping facades and they even asked for help with their problems (which I couldn t cause my weirdo problems would ruin my whole image). Now I have friends to whom I can discuss spiritual stuff and also to whom I can admit my depressed states. And now, the honesty moment... Even with them I find it hard to admit to my empathic nature and ask for my needs to be met, I m scared of fully letting them in my very complex mind cause I expect they won t understand it and it s just too much for them and I still occasionally need normal people s approval, but not as much as I needed it before, and it s getting better and better.

All of this was a big part of my childhood.  things are much better now but i still face this treatment.  lots of numb people in the netherlands. And the awake are nowhere to be found...  makes it hard to go out on my own to seek out my crowds with more self confidence!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@AbsoluteWave heey! just wanted to tell you that now I don t experience many unpleasant ways in which people have treated me before.. and all of this due to cp and shadow work (questioning). have you tried it? it really works like magic.. no joke. Anyways, know that you won t have to face any unpleasant treatment for the rest of your life! Things are so mutable. and as a side note, regarding what you said about "the awake nowhere to be found", I ve recently found out that one of my friends which I considered to be very down to earth and judging is actually quite awake... and I wouldn't have known this if I hadn't released the fear to talk about spiritual things to her.

Life works in  weird ways, and it works for every single one of us, you just have to let yourself experince this.

good luck on your journey and lots of love! ?

Edited by Minnie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Go out there and get a job. Keep yourself forward moving. At least until your really clear about what you want. You won't manifest any experience that is not benefiting your expansion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now