16 posts in this topic

I'm stuck in a country that's full of unconscious people.  Not much better than where i came from In Canada.  I'd like if Teal gave us an energetic look on Landgraaf, Veenendaal, and places within British Columbia: Vernon, Edgewood, Lavington, Enderby.

Also, it's like wherever i go, it's like everyone is just so darned asleep or self inflated..  What's the point of expansion if I keep getting flattened and mistreated every which way i go?  Why must i go out of my way to just have a meaningful and fun relationship with all outside my door? 


( Even people back in Canada are hard to relate to.. even the people i did have as friends are long gone and hardly reachable..  And i'd only be wanting to be with them to try and mend something old that just needs to be let go..  Hell, i even remember people after brief encounters whilst they mat soon forget about me.  even if it's moments that were rather embarrassing for me to some degree.


( I don't know where i am going with this anymore but my life has just been so weird, despite all the great things i've experienced during those times when i was super young.   But against everything else.. it amounts to nothing and can't be used for much besides being a window of nostalgia.  I have luckily managed to get myself out of my past situation but still i cannot cope with anything.. even with things that should be simple with everybody else.. even if you take them to a new country...

Although this all seems to be an act between eachothers ego.. even with nice people.. i still freeze up or exude some sort of weird behavior they may or may not have paid mind to etc...


I was one of those children that needed to be nurtured, to get the attention Teal has mentioned about in regards to the school systems and stuff.  Hell, even the person who was delegated to helping me sometimes with writing stuff into my agenda book back in elementary ditched me and i had to do it on my own and i must say it'd take me forever and not be that neat at all. 

And it was hell when my mother was trying to teach me over and over how to handwrite... when i liked it better to print. and that  was hard enough for me..  i still draw each letter when i write, even at ties i can be fast and smooth and neat.



-  I also must let you know i suffer from social anxiety and my own versions of post traumatic stress disorder from early points in my childhood..  And I suppose i cause alot of worry and perhaps some sort of disappointment in me and herself for not being able to give me what i need..  ever since about the age of 3 I was already stamped with all sorts of labels.. I love my family so much despite how unconscious they are and brutal at times..  even to this day i feel like i am living a synthetic life..with full consciousness.. even right now i feel like i'm the only person alive with this experience..  It's like i just belong in the worlds of magic and dreams.. i do recall a time when that existed here and anxious to watch it all return..   Because only being to stay in dreams for certain amount of time during sleeptime is like trying to weening a child from the tit..   I feel boundless love within me  and deepest knowing but it's from places i can't seem to return to..   -

I must note that i must have fractured parts of myself that just left to live in those realities or even versions of earth..   And I don't blame them at all..  and perhaps they are the tethers i have to my homelands... and i'm still not used to this linear time thing either among other things.

Edited by AbsoluteWave
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I won't pretend to understand the depth of your loneliness; most likely I don't at this moment.  However, feeling into the energy of your post compels me to write this.

I also have been feeling painfully lonely for a while now.  I appreciate the deep online connections I have with people all over the world, but I crave people here in my physical presence to connect with.  As I work with this, the guidance I received told me that my craving is a reflection of my lack of self love.  I do not give myself the love that I want, so I seek it from outside.  However, this is exactly the vibration that causes others to avoid me.  The more I run away from loneliness; the more lonely I get.

So, now I am practicing just being present with my loneliness.  And, letting my presence feel the pain of loneliness without resistance.  The pain washes over me and dissipates.  I also send myself the love that I crave, and I come out the other side feeling peace.  Within this peace, I find that I am now interacting with people around me in a much more fulfilling manner, even if they are not "awake."  

In other words, I don't feel so lonely anymore. 
 

Edited by Amazawa
  • Upvote 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Amazawa  I added alot in my edit... sorry for the inconvenience~ 

Also, I'm very present with it and I'm one to love and embrace it.  But still there are versions of it where it's far from simply enjoying some introvert time to yourself.. And others still continue to treat me the way that they do and i know that is their own thing to deal with and has nothing to do with me.  but that'd mean giving up more of what nothing i had in my past..   I thank you deeply for you being here for me.. I think it'd be better to have you ni person or through skype voice chat or something.

Edited by AbsoluteWave

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, AbsoluteWave said:

I think it'd be better to have you ni person or through skype voice chat or something.

Sure... I would love that.  Please message me with times that are good for you.  I am in California, USA (PDT).
 

11 minutes ago, AbsoluteWave said:

But still there are versions of it where it's far from simply enjoying some introvert time to yourself.. And others still continue to treat me the way that they do and i know that is their own thing to deal with and has nothing to do with me.

I suggest doing CP on this... likely a past trauma recreating patterns in your current reality.  At least that is how it feels to me right now. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I also must add that at times it's hard for me to express myself at all properly..  Most times i go branidead even in the middle of a sentence.  That's my main issue with social interactions.  at least as of the last few years.  I don't think i had this issue as loudly as i do as of late..   So I wonder if there is a person who's really willing to be there for me.. as that nurturer, that best friend, etc.. I realllly want out of my situation entirely so i can just be my better version and provide for the world and myself.

Although.. any one of those types of persons would be great for my healing.. hell.. it's like i need therapy first before i can ever manage to get out there and make my own REAL LIFE long-term  friends, etc.. in my own way.. but it's like everywhere i am surrounded by older people who are in the system and those who have given up on something to become ' realist' or whatever else.. It makes it hard to do anything.. i can't even go to a club or anything.. everything feels so darned foreign.. can't even play the game that everyone is playing.. but seems to be the prerequisite to being able to succeed at life... you know?

And I think you're right.. I'm well aware of the patterns no matter where i go.. But how can i resolve any of it when i got no talents at all to get me out of my current sate?  It's like i need to be able to do it on my own.. so going somewhere else doesn't seem to help.  or perhaps I'm not following my heart to just go freelance.. find a group of friends to travel the world together.. you know?  I never belonged to anything like that but it just looks so wholesome.. nothing clique-ie  you know?  lol  I feel like i'd belong to these situations but never can get there no matter how hard  i try.

( Why is it merging again.. darned forum.. ))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, AbsoluteWave said:

So I wonder if there is a person who's really willing to be there for me.. as that nurturer, that best friend, etc.. I realllly want out of my situation entirely so i can just be my better version and provide for the world and myself.

Let's try connecting and see where you go from there.  You are seeing the rat cage around you, and feeling the desire to break it.  I would love to help you do just that! 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Amazawa said:

Let's try connecting and see where you go from there.  You are seeing the rat cage around you, and feeling the desire to break it.  I would love to help you do just that! 

That's the thing, i've been trying to break it for ages.. x.x

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, AbsoluteWave said:

i can't even go to a club or anything.. everything feels so darned foreign.. can't even play the game that everyone is playing.. but seems to be the prerequisite to being able to succeed at life... you know?

i can't relate either, it doesn't sound fun at all for me, the drinking, the conversations about nothing. I'm just like I thought people were supposed to be waking up, I still see all these patterns and I'm like where are my people at? they're not here! I think I will move next year to Arizona where all the hippies are at lol. I do enjoy being alone, but those times where you need to relate to people and anyone you do talk to its goes in one ear out the other. its like I'm alone!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Alex7 said:

i can't relate either, it doesn't sound fun at all for me, the drinking, the conversations about nothing. I'm just like I thought people were supposed to be waking up, I still see all these patterns and I'm like where are my people at? they're not here! I think I will move next year to Arizona where all the hippies are at lol. I do enjoy being alone, but those times where you need to relate to people and anyone you do talk to its goes in one ear out the other. its like I'm alone!

Yeah.. But i can't even enjoy basic festivities that would help be a foundation to start any sort of interaction with people... get the ball rolling.. you know?  Perhaps i just need to find one of those friends who will pop by my house a bunch and take me places and be weird together.. you know?  I have nowhere to even be myself anymore besides with my BF who's hardly home on his 'out' work days.. x.x   Bless him for being in my life, such a great guy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When is the best time to plant a fruit tree? 20 years before.

When is the next best time? NOW!

This is it Absolute! Life is NOW. Don't swim against the breaking waves, take the rip out with ease and Ride the them! Get on board (had to make that pun :P).

 Consider why you do not take your opportunities. See negative because you are negative, see positive because you are positive. Between these polarities is peace.

I hope the time spent replying helps you. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Damian said:

When is the best time to plant a fruit tree? 20 years before.

When is the next best time? NOW!

This is it Absolute! Life is NOW. Don't swim against the breaking waves, take the rip out with ease and Ride the them! Get on board (had to make that pun :P).

 Consider why you do not take your opportunities. See negative because you are negative, see positive because you are positive. Between these polarities is peace.

I hope the time spent replying helps you. 

 

Indeed!  Which is why i am able to find happiness pretty much anywhere, but to me most times it's more like ignorance since certain things keep creeping back even if they are supposedly resolved.  It's literally like i have no control and these things come from another source.

Not placing the blame elsewhere but it really does feel like certain things are coming from a source outside myself.  I guess it's even more endurance testing for me.. I mean, i am well aware how much suffering happens to the average guy, and I am also aware that i am super lucky to be so free to do other things like my hobbies and the like, outside the household chores i do around the home of my BF and I.  But yeah, some of the feelings that creep back up are to do with even when all this stuff is said and done, when we reach the point that we desired, with the entire renovation..  That I'll have.. not to be negative here but wasted more time i could have used to get out there, but literally the outside world as a whole doesn't accept me.  it's asleep, oh so asleep. So I stay quite and easy to please until  actually get the chance to even do a fraction of my soul purpose...  Thank you for your constant support.  But affirmations wont do much for me right now, sorry.  xDD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For what it is worth...

You say you find happiness pretty much anywhere...contingent to what? Try finding out why it doesn't remain, I feel you expect something from life...maybe you are what life is expecting? You are too blessed to be stressed! Get some perspective my friend...maybe you need a cleansing some way? 

Affirmations are changing your vibration, do not underestimate them. Thought is reality, be the master or the slave.

Go get away from the internet, get away from the public, go into the forest for an extend solo camp out, be with nature, learn its patterns, light some fires, watch your thoughting process, get angry, see who is angry, get bored shitless, find who is bored shitless and stay there until you are enamoured with ALL that is...including all sides of yourself.

If what you have been doing isn't working, take a leap of faith and follow the surest way to overcoming the problems...segregate yourself and dive into them!

Creating space like this will make a lasting difference...you won't do it, find out why you won't do it.

If you were really earnest to overcome the problems there would not be any choice involved, you would consider what sounds rational, and explore it to overcome. You have been bitten by a deadly snake, you have no known antidote, I offer you one, you do not understand, you have this option...your necessity creates the leap of faith and you take the leap into the unknown as there seems sure death if you don't. Sooner or later you will reach the critical mass where you will break through brother, pain is temporary.

Follow your heart.

Hart listens, head talks, heart heals, head hurts.

With Love - your friend

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not here to make little of what you've been through, just wanna share. I have known nothing but loneliness all my life, 2 decades now. I'm 24 today and my social life is non existent atm. I was born deaf and got my implants at age 3. Even though my speech is fine I still struggle to communicate with others and on top of that I'm also an empathic, think differently or wiser for my age. I was alone from the start. Growing up like this made me socially awkward and reject people most of times. I fully accepted my fate years ago and made peace with it but I was lying to myself. Mind fucked myself into feeling shit and whatnot. No can live alone forever it's just impossible, people needs people or that person will destroy themselves. I don't wanna die alone and love myself. I'm working on myself full time.

peace out

 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Keeper said:

I'm 24 today

happy birthday! assuming you mean you turned 24 today.

Edited by Alex7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 2016-10-26 at 0:01 AM, Alex7 said:

happy birthday! assuming you mean you turned 24 today.

for your information, my birthday is in the new year. Thank you for your kind intentions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now