Guest Hyejin_Jang

My agony... the only one ..in the family

2 posts in this topic

Guest Hyejin_Jang

My biggest pain...agony is that I am the ONLY ONE who finds the wrongs and abuses that have happened for the past 30 years in the family are something that can be called 'abuse'.

 

My father has done physical, emotional abuse my mother for the entire marrige and my older brother used to hit me and he was sexsually abusive to me when I was little.. then after I grew up.. since I could not hold all thr buried pains within me..I told my patents how I have been feeling inside while growing up .. and all the words that returned to me was 'It is the past, now you are a grown-up ,just let it be forgiven and move on. Never bringing it up again.'

 

That was it. I still feel like I am hearing my mother screaming when she was being bitten up...

 

It makes ne feel like I am totally wrong..The pain I feel can not be validated by no one in the family...., which makes me doubt who I am, my own judgement, thoughts and feelings.

 

 All the family wants me to come back to them and be the last missing piece to complete their happiness ever since I cut all the contact with them...

 

I feel so painful...I keep telling myself that I have to be grounded and feel my pain... but sometimes it is so much hard..it is so hard for me to be my side when it comes to my own pain.. it is my biggest shadow 

 

 

 

Edited by Hyejin_Jang

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Something that has helped me recently, is when I sit with that endless feeling pain, I tell my ego or child self (you can name it if you like) ' there is no threat, you are safe', after you have been present with the pain, reassure your ego or child self that nothing bad happened and you didn't die. Hope this helps, I'm finding it hard to properly explain.

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