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Saturnine_ Angel

Why do I feel everybody is against me?

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I'm getting to the core of my question. Of my searching. I guess it's coming to an end.

I realized that i'm sooo needy I mean abandonment and lack of affection as a child that I see it in others and I'm afraid of them I feel them as vampires because if they get too close it's like they are draining my energy.

Now I realize that after of years of childhood abuse and years of abusive relationships i think the world is against me and I end up manifesting proof of "the world is against me" thing.

I can't trust people's affection towards me because I get needy so I let people mistreat me and disrespect my boundaries in exchange for crumbles of affection and attention. I let people hurt me all the time and I don't speak up because I'm afraid to loose them. I let people invade my space sexually boys do it all the time because I'm so needy I can't put a limit between us. Guys do it all the time.

How to cure it? I try to love myself but it seems false and it seems like I don't have energy to do that.

How do I trust people. Love myself. Put myself first. Set limits and healthy boundaries. It's all I want!

Does anyone knows how to do that in a way that is doable? Nothing works for me.

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Your name is Saturnine, so I would be inclined to ask if you take time to write, because many Capricornians I know write a lot. 

But, this is a shadow I've been facing as well, and I realized it relates to my mom's stress when she was pregnant with me. I feel like I felt like she wanted to abort me. Even if just for a moment, I felt that. 

I went back further to my grandma facing immense prejudice in her school age years. From her peers, because she excelled when they didn't. 

The only way I know how to deal with these things is to have conversations with myself and my emotions. Like, "Does this person really want to destroy me?" They're well drawn out conversations. I don't think my way is the best way, far from it. Lol. It's long and drawn out but it's the only way I know. 

I know that I need someone to be vulnerable with - like a counsellor - to move past these things quicker. Also, like reiki/acupuncture. 

You could even think about an object and having a relationship with an object - easy example a crystal. But, also like a laptop. Think about how things around you support you and don't take from you. 

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