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LaucherJunge

What is Love?

10 posts in this topic

I feel like im kind of brainwashed by hollywood and i can not get rid of it. The Completion Process got rid of the pain and suffering yes, but i can not stop longing for this kind of love and i dont mean a longing for unconditional love. I want a relationship that seems impossible these days because all of the women in society that are attractive to me do not want this kind of guys. I just want to be friendly not play those stupid games they all play show my infinite love, trust and loyality. I refuse to play those games because they are silly and you end up hurting each other. 
I hate to admit it but I want her to be there only for me, she would need no one but me and i would need no one but her,
even crazier i want her to be a drama queen so it would never get boring.
It is so hard to let go of this kind of thinking i would rather be alone for the rest of my life looking for this kind of relationship than giving up on it.
I would rather die than having a relationship with someone i cant trust for certain and this is not exaggerated.
I dont really feel negative about this i love myself for being like that this is the main building block of my ego i think.
But i do feel hopeless sometimes like the odds are so much against me that im sure i will be alone for the rest of my life.
I feel like if i totally accept being alone for the rest of my life there is no way of going back i would kill that part of me.
And the glimpses of hope wont let me do that. I still belive it would be so beautiful even if it would be just for a short time 
this kind of relationship would be the ultimate hurricane of feelings for me that i will never stop to seek.

Edited by LaucherJunge

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My advice is to allow yourself to be totally vulnerable when you meet someone. It is so liberating knowing someone 'sees you for who you truly are'.

Who says that you can't create the relationship that you desire? If only you knew how powerful you are :)

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love is total acceptance unconditional. it sucks and nobody want to hear it but you have to love yourself for someone to come in. clear all these blocks in you. everyone is source and that is love, this is why people who are vulnerable and authentic are easy to love because you are feeling love, expressing yourself in this body and experience. anyone who doesn't want to love you will leave, it isn't personal, but they will leave and you will take it that way, but it isn't personal. a lot of people are running on conditional love, including to themselves, like once I get this or become that then I will love myself, but you have to accept all your flaws and issues (they will go away) and that does change your whole energy and vibe you give off, there's a lot on the energy level that is invisible, but people can feel it even on a subconscious level. to love someone else you have to love those aspects in yourself because they mirror you exactly, so all we are doing is loving ourselves on a subconscious level and if you don't like something they do, you don't like that in yourself. so love all aspects of yourself in other people(status, races, sicknesses, beliefs, you name it) too and your capacity to love gets bigger and you can filter out who is capable of the same love you give out and not this hierarchy of love most people are at. love is god/source and that is everything, even the words aren't good enough lol.

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I am actually very open, vulnerable and authentic thats exactly the reason they dont want me usually, and this is what takes my hope because i see how they all stupidly run into those relationships they say they despise with guys that do not treat them well. Also i am not even looking for unconditional love, I think teal said somewhere that it does not exist in our physical world and we have to live with our conditional love.
I also love and accept myself that is the reason i was able to open this thread in the first place I would not talk about this things if i did not accept them already.

If I really see what happens if I really open myself I would say yes they seem interested and start playing those games which i wont participate in. Also i see it as very long term getting into a relationship, they are not patient enough they have no problem finding a boyfriend within a few days maybe even 1 day so they get together with them immediately if they feel lonely.
One girl for example had no boyfriend in ages after i wanted to meet up with her she suddenly had a boyfriend a few days later.
The other girl broke up with her boyfriend seemed really interested with me at first and suddenly started ignoring me and throwing herself at other guys in front of my eyes so i would ignore her aswell, 1 day later she is back with her old boyfriend.

Edited by LaucherJunge

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There are many, many people that have no self awareness and what being alive is about.  I wouldn't worry about finding a relationship.  It will happen and most likely when you are not looking for.   I know this a cliché , but from my personal experience it very true.  Actually this is how I met my former partner.  At the time I was looking for a hook up then I saw him and it was like, shit how to describe it...it was OMG "the one"  it was one of the most overpowering emotional feeling & connection I have ever experienced.  Literally love at first sight.  Be patient, grow and become true to yourself and believe. 

'

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18 hours ago, MPrado said:

Honestly, that one time i let someone see me it felt like i was about to pass out. It isn't pleasant but at the same time is one of the best feelings in the world. Again, felt like i was being crushed. However the attraction i felt toward that person and the uncomfortable feelings i was experiencing were pointing in my direction, i was feeling the walls and pillars of shame collapsing to the ground, i freed myself a bit. I was learning about myself. It wasn't about the other person, it was about me, as far as am concerned.

To answer your initial question, What is love?

Love is everything you have ever wanted to feel. Love's meaning is individual, yet very very super similar, so similar you can say Love is but one. 

Thats a beautiful definition, thank you.

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Hey, @LaucherJunge! You ve just described my perfect type of relationship ?! So reading what you ve written, the way you talk about it points out to a feeling of "i really really want it ,but there s nowhere i can find it". Because I also struggle with the same attitude towards this kind of relationship, I can tell you that in my case, the reasons why i want this relationship are not truely pure. I had a really traumatic birth and uterine life in which i felt disconnected from my one source of life at that time, my mom. Also the childhood years were traumatic too in this sense; I used to cling to my mom all day and night, desperately wanting that merging with just one person experienced during uterine life, but she was always busy and even when she was with me, her attention went elsewhere. I finally gave up on her and started (from a very early age) desiring that merging with one person outside of the household, a lover. What I also found is that in this life, as long as trauma is the motivation, we attract the kind of people that would make us see the trauma, not resolve it ( cause our focus is not towards the resolution of it). So me wanting that complete merging and acceptance from a person only led me to narcissists who only cared about themselves, always played confusing games (my primary relationship was confusing) and didn t give a shit about my intense devotion and sincerity. 

I found out these things through cp and intense questioning of wants and beliefs.

I also want you to know that you re not alone in this 'issue' or whatever it is. I am a woman wanting this, so I wish this post also gives you hope that you CAN find a partner exactly as you want her to be. Girls like these do exist!

So my friend, good luck in digging for those answers and finding your type of relationship!

 

Edited by Minnie
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1 hour ago, Minnie said:

Hey, @LaucherJunge! You ve just described my perfect type of relationship ?! So reading what you ve written, the way you talk about it point out to a feeling of "i really really want it ,but there s nowhere i can find it". Because I also struggle with the same attitude towards this kind of relationship, I can tell you that in my case, the reasons why i want this relationship are not truely pure. I had a really traumatic birth and uterine life in which i felt disconnected from my one source of life at that time, my mom. Also the childhood years were traumatic too in this sense; I used to cling to my mom all day and night, desperately wanting that merging with just one person experienced during uterine life, but she was always busy and even when she was with me, her attention went elsewhere. I finally gave up on her and started (from a very early age) desiring that merging with one person outside of the household, a lover. What I also found is that in this life, as long as trauma is the motivation, we attract the kind of people that would make us see the trauma, not resolve it ( cause our focus is not towards the resolution of it). So me wanting that complete merging and acceptance from a person only led me to narcissists who only cared about themselves, always played confusing games (my primary relationship was confusing) and didn t give a shit about my intense devotion and sincerity. 

I found out these things through cp and intense questioning of wants and beliefs.

I also want you to know that you re not alone in this 'issue' or whatever it is. I am a woman wanting this, so I wish this post also gives you hope that you CAN find a partner exactly as you want her to be. Girls like these do exist!

So my friend, good luck in digging for those answers and finding your type of relationship!

 

Hello, that is really nice to hear it really gives me some hope. :)
My childhood was much alike, my father was an alcoholic and when i was about 4 years old i witnessed him assaulting her one night the night that changed everything. I moved out with my mom and lived only with her for the next 4 years she was very instable and would sometimes just need me and other times she has gotten really angry and would break my favourite toy in front of me because she wanted to be left alone for a moment which made me addicted to her needing me, teal already explained this dynamic it is called insecure attachment where you get addicted to a behaviour if it is very inconsistent. Then when i was 8 years old my mother found someone in germany and we moved from poland to germany where i had a hard time in school at first because i was not able to speak a single word in german but i had to go to school which surely had an impact i felt very lonely so i clinched to an addiction and played video games all day long and would find wrong friends later on also end up failing school because i started  smoking weed with those friends. But here i am the universe gave me a second chance. Im going to a special school for adults where i can even go study if i am finished and it is really easy for me now i finally got rid of my laziness and actually have fun in educating myself. My meditation habit made this all possible i feel like it changed my destiny.
And now the CP took all the suffering i had due to the insecure attachment combined with my very high emotionality.
I am on the search for this kind of relationship because i think it is beyond beautiful to really become one with a women even though it might have been triggered by my past i can not think of anything that would be more desireable.

Good luck for you aswell!

Edited by LaucherJunge
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To me, this looks like you re healing your life! Keep going and always remember the universe s whole job relative to us is to give us chances when we re ready for them!

 

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