Introducing myself (95% of which is rambly internal dialgue)

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Hi.. I already wrote the message below.. and when I look at it, as I ask that question from the self acceptance video, "What would someone who loved them self write". So I'm going to add this intro at the start.. to just say that even though what I've written won't meet what might be typical standards of content for a "Introduce your self" section. The stream of words that I wrote is a part of where I'm at in this human experience. I'm introducing myself in a way that is as authentic as I currently see how to be.

I see there is code, conditioned into my subconscious which says I have no voice, I am blind, I don’t have enough, I do not belong and I cannot pursue what I am driven to pursue. When this code feeds into the lens I perceive and interpret my inner and outer world through, I end up experiencing a blizzard, where there is barely a breeze.. A torrential river where there is only a stream.. a high rock face where there is a sat on a beach.. an abyss where there is a feather bed (“This is how magic is done, by hurling your self into the abyss and finding it is a feather bed” - Terrence McKenna). I discovered this code while I was investigating mechanics in my subconscious last week. The investigation is driven by purpose, which is driving me to where I want to be. Which is of loving my self and living at peak emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually, so that I can be more, to myself, my daughter and family, world, universe; all I Am.

So I have written some words as an antidote to that conditioning. I have tried using those, while adjusting my posture, motion and so on. Making progress.

I see many illuminated sign posts directing me back to awareness and presence in the now; learning tools and technologies to connect with the present. From physical and vocal motions to get into state, and also exploring what Teal Swan advises in videos, such as how to discover belonging.

I am also in a process of focusing more into discovering what I want and why I want it. I am looking at guidance and technology from Tony Robbins and Teal Swan for this.    

At the moment, I understand that I need to stay focused on this journey. I have some commitments and responsibilities in my life, to myself, to my daughter, my clients and so on. Outside of that, I am currently in a process of changing my story, changing the way I look at things. With great outcomes in mind. So I have temporarily deactivated non-essential communications and internet use and “online chat” (which I have spent some time investigating also.. into what “Online” means, and what “Chat Apps” are… which I’ve seen one way I use technologies for to get “online”, is as what I call ‘Heterotopia Index & Relay System’. I realise what I tune into can reinforce a kind of gravity field of energy around the boundaries of (what I’m calling) heterotopias, or states/constructs.

As well as me tuning out of many things at this time. I’m also finding new ways to tune in too. For example, with music and sounds. For example, when I watch a video by Teal Swan, I sometimes get a sense of wanting to be more grounded, so I load the sound of a rain forest. Or I want to feel more peace so I load some theta waves or other healing sounds….. Sometimes I am balancing 4 different sounds and waves at the same time to create a certain combination. I compose and produce music, so it’s something I get into. I wanted to share that, in case anyone read this far wants to try that. Among a list of other things, it creates an elasticity in the brain, more focus, more peace, memory… And I leave many tabs open with different kinds of sounds, to mute and unmute as I feel wanting a new environment to resonate with.  

If this is the only time I’m here, and anyone has read this far. I want to say some words that maybe need improving.. but it’s what I’ve got so far.  

Everything I need to see is revealed to me here in the now.
I have infinite resources and resourcefulness.
I am belonging.
I pursue what I am driven to pursue.

Whenever I’m feeling disempowered, I’m taking a breath, changing my posture and saying these words with energy, as a way of changing.

I’m also tuning in a lot to Teal Swan, as in everything I’m doing right now, this technology is exactly the keys I’ve been looking for, for what I must do.

Very grateful ! thanks.   


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