JasmineAmethyst

Not being able to attract people I resonate with?

9 posts in this topic

Hi everybody! I've recently dived into my shadows, and even did the completion process. Still, I find the people I talk to - are lovely, are kind, but do not resonate with me. I do not feel a connection, or a "clicking". I feel like I'm always on the outside looking in. But, my negative imprint is, "alone". Despite the sexual, physical, emotional abuse in my childhood and my exposure to alcoholism, divorce, and domestic violence, emotional neglect and being isolated is the root of all these things. All my life I've found myself alone. I'm 18 and recently I've started waking up so it's very difficult to see people of my age who I just can't relate to or connect with, and I don't have any luck with older people, either. Could this be a time to solidly my boundaries? (Please note - I come from a long long line of codependants and my father/abuser, is a narcissist). Or could my being be needing my 3D self to be fully present with the loneliness and isolation I felt as a child? I would love to hear your thoughts. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

honestly yeah I did for a while, my best friend of 10 years basically stopped talking to me after we slept together and I have serious rejection/sexual trauma with that, and it's a state of heartbreak for me. Having said that, I've never had a friend, a true friend, my whole life, or if I did we were separated so I would really love to experience a connection. I do realise there's an aspect of my being that doesn't feel quite enough, but that doesn't overshadow my desire this time. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have the same "problem" but I just chalk it up to being different. I can't expect to be able to relate to everybody if I keep walking down this path that the vast majority don't even know exists. I expect to become quite strange as the years by, I hope that by the end of it I can learn to fully connect to people that cannot understand me or even eel threatened by me 

 

Although I did live in an ashram and met many like minded people for the first time in my life but I got kicked out after a couple months haha. Maybe you should try going to places like that 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, JasmineAmethyst said:

I do realise there's an aspect of my being that doesn't feel quite enough, but that doesn't overshadow my desire this time. 

Assuming you're talking about your desire for connection, I think the aspect of you that doesn't feel like you are enough DOES overshadow your desire, quite literally. Your entire desire is based on the premise that you aren't enough. You said so yourself that your negative imprint is aloneness. What is so terrible about being alone? What if you never find connection with anyone else? What if the only opportunity you ever have to connect with anyone is through the connection with yourself (hint, it is)?

I find that once we connect with ourselves, the real connections with others can begin.  So, how can you better connect with yourself? How can you feel like you are enough, without needing anyone else to validate you? What needs to happen in order for you to really connect with yourself?

Note that being connected to yourself doesn't necessarily mean being alone, but if you feel a special resistance o being alone, then I would use the CP on that. You can connect with yourself through nature, through food, through art classes, through another person. But you can't believe that you are not enough and connect with yourself  (or someone else) in a meaningful way because there will be that barrier there. The desire for connection with others comes from a desire to connect with yourself and to feel that you are whole.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, walt said:

You definitely possess the vision and intensity of one who has experienced trauma.

The expectation that someone can meet you on that level will possiblly end in disappointment. A deep connection can take years to develop and there are no short cuts.

I want you to consider that these connections  will come in time but you must continue to engage and evolve.   

 

Actually I think that view of connection is kind of limiting. It sounds like you might have a belief that connection has to be earned, subconscious or otherwise - love, for you, is earned. 

Secondly, intensity and vision are words applied to me a lot, what do you actually mean? 

8 hours ago, tyadg said:

I have the same "problem" but I just chalk it up to being different. I can't expect to be able to relate to everybody if I keep walking down this path that the vast majority don't even know exists. I expect to become quite strange as the years by, I hope that by the end of it I can learn to fully connect to people that cannot understand me or even eel threatened by me 

 

Although I did live in an ashram and met many like minded people for the first time in my life but I got kicked out after a couple months haha. Maybe you should try going to places like that 

I find myself more isolated than ever in spiritual communities, actually.

it sounds to me like you might be afraid of being around others and find solitude safer, an escape maybe? I feel like this too - I think this is the main crux of my situation. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, lightworker said:

Assuming you're talking about your desire for connection, I think the aspect of you that doesn't feel like you are enough DOES overshadow your desire, quite literally. Your entire desire is based on the premise that you aren't enough. You said so yourself that your negative imprint is aloneness. What is so terrible about being alone? What if you never find connection with anyone else? What if the only opportunity you ever have to connect with anyone is through the connection with yourself (hint, it is)?

I find that once we connect with ourselves, the real connections with others can begin.  So, how can you better connect with yourself? How can you feel like you are enough, without needing anyone else to validate you? What needs to happen in order for you to really connect with yourself?

Note that being connected to yourself doesn't necessarily mean being alone, but if you feel a special resistance o being alone, then I would use the CP on that. You can connect with yourself through nature, through food, through art classes, through another person. But you can't believe that you are not enough and connect with yourself  (or someone else) in a meaningful way because there will be that barrier there. The desire for connection with others comes from a desire to connect with yourself and to feel that you are whole.

I connect with myself. I do the completion process. I meet my needs. But I go out and I don't find people I can connect with. And I feel you didn't really understand my situation - I'm aware of my negative imprint being alone - what's so bad about that? Well at two I made it mean I was unloveable, then my parents got divorced, then my dad sexually abused me, then my mother descended into alcoholism and absolutely nobody was there for me. and I connect to this - a lot. And the more shadows I uncover, the more I want connection, but like a desire, not a need. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, JasmineAmethyst said:

Actually I think that view of connection is kind of limiting. It sounds like you might have a belief that connection has to be earned, subconscious or otherwise - love, for you, is earned. 

Secondly, intensity and vision are words applied to me a lot, what do you actually mean? 

I find myself more isolated than ever in spiritual communities, actually.

it sounds to me like you might be afraid of being around others and find solitude safer, an escape maybe? I feel like this too - I think this is the main crux of my situation. 

Maybe deep down, mostly it's cause people generally bore me haha 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now