Carina Isaksson Révérend

I feel worse after the CP

5 posts in this topic

Hello everyone out there,

I don't know what to do, and I now call out for help

I have been doing the CP for about a year on myself, by myself, and so much memories come up from the trauma I experienced during 6 years in school. All those memories put me in a state of so much anxiety that I feel sick, and my overall anxiety has increased tremendously. I even feel I will have to increase my antidepression medicine due to these strong emotions I go through. I wake up during the night and my heart rate is so fast and the anxiety level is so high that I can't go back to sleep. I go into the emotion as we have learned but the anxiety doesn't stop. What should I do? I feel hopeless. I really had hope that the CP would make me be able to reduce my antidep. meds but now I am really doubting. Thank you for suggestions.

Edited by Carina Isaksson Révérend

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2 hours ago, Carina Isaksson Révérend said:

All those memories put me in a state of so much anxiety that I feel sick,

How did you handle those memories that came up?  Did you read Teal's book on CP and follow the guidance in it?

What you are describing sounds like you are doing incomplete CP sessions where you called up the traumas but did not integrate them.

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I have worked a lot on the trauma at school (feeling alone, as an outsider, less worthy etc.) and I have changed my perspective a bit on what happened. The problem there are so many situations where I felt those feelings (six year period) so I guess there are many fractions of my consciousness to integrate. Yes I have read the book and I try to follow the instructions as well as I can. It feels kind of hopeless when you have so many memories to work on. Like "will this ever end?".  Perhaps the anxiety I feel stems from earlier trauma? I will do what I can to further go down into the feeling and see if something new comes up. Thank you for your input :)  

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3 minutes ago, Carina Isaksson Révérend said:

Yes I have read the book and I try to follow the instructions as well as I can. It feels kind of hopeless when you have so many memories to work on. Like "will this ever end?".  Perhaps the anxiety I feel stems from earlier trauma? I will do what I can to further go down into the feeling and see if something new comes up. Thank you for your input :)  

Our integration doesn't have to end.  Teal even says that Source is still integrating its shadow.  That is fine; that is expansion. Please let go of the desire to be finished.  It is completely okay to be not finished and enjoy it.  

Also, as Teal said in the book, it is VERY HARD to heal abandonment trauma by yourself.  The very fact that you have to do CP by yourself is re-traumatizing.  I am a certified facilitator, and I cannot integrate my abandonment traumas by myself. I want someone to be present with me.

So, please find someone to facilitate for you.  Their presence will make it much easier to heal your abandonment trauma.

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That is good, it is progress. I might recontextualize when you say that your anxiety has gotten worse. Rather it has come closer to the surface and isn't being as suppressed as it used to. Traumas and charges tend to get much worse before they get 'better'. In truth they aren't getting worse, they are just becoming more clear as they are let go. I am willing to bet that it's only a result of great work that it is now even viable for this experience to be felt through more fully.

It is surely difficult for you. Don't be dismayed by feelings of hopelessness or that the reservoirs of pain seem endless.  It is ok, it is the way it happens. Acknowledge your hopelessness and use your will to access courage and keep moving  forward. Stick to your accustomed practices. Good things to come. 

 

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