M_The_Raven

Wanting to express myself. Being unable

5 posts in this topic

Loss for words tonight.   I have a lot of things to say.   

I'm trying to gather the right words.   To be my true self.  It's hard tonight.   Nothing quite terrifying so much as being vulnerable. 

And not being able to express myself in words.  Yet psychically.   I can communicate.   

.  Maybe I haven't found right words yet.     I've been thinking.  

new moon

Edited by M_The_Raven

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, M_The_Raven said:

Nothing quite terrifying so much as being vulnerable. 

And not being able to express myself in words.  Yet psychically.   I can communicate.   

.  Maybe I haven't found right words yet.     I've been thinking.  

new moon

Look at both sides of the coin. The act of making your(ego)self vulnerable to your Self (I use the term in the Jungian sense) can be terrifying, but at the same time is something done with a great deal of courage on the part of your ego(day to day point of consciousness). Psychosynthesis of the different complexes within the psyche can and does at times leave one feeling at a loss. Much psychic energy (libido) sways back and forth between the thinking and feeling functions and when apprehending the Self, you may find the seesaw balanced in a way that leaves you at a loss for words. If there are none, let it be. The words will come when you are ready for them. When you find that centre place within yourself, be still with it and then allow the memory and experience of it to have its place in your life when you bring your awareness back to the ends of the seesaw. And remember most of all that you can always return there when you need to. 

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like when I do that.   I get rejected.  And I don't like the feeling.   I'm accepting of it.  But it doesn't feel good.  Especially when I'm being vulnerable. 

I don't feel it before hand.  I feel it after -- it doesn't always happen.  Like acceptance is awesome.  But I'm still ironically irked by rejection.  Especially vulnerable rejection.  

I sometimes am hard on myself. Believing I need thick skin.   And I need to stop being affected by those energies.  

Not perfect myself.  And I've rejected others at times.  Sometimes in arrogant ways.   In the past. I used to be pompous and Brash as a childish reactionary defense mechanism.  

I seek to heal that.   I've started too. 

Its hard to admit.   Sometimes my ego can be fragile. And I haven't mastered my emotions in the past.  

Although ive decided to shift that and move on and forge new beginning with different state of mind.  No more reactionary defense mechanism.    No more .  

Acceptence. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I never really intentionally went out to hurt people's feelings.  Sometimes.  I did by accident.   I can be a bit blunt and harmless intending.  But can scathe.   

If im aiming to lance.   It's usually pretty brutal.   

I would like to stop that as well.  See the other side more.   And be more comfortable within my ego.  Which I hate and cringe as I type to admit this.  I don't want to admit it.  But it's true. 

I'm trying to evolve.   I sometimes have in past pushed others I wanted to be close away.  Because I was terrified of being vulnerable with them.  I was scared i might get rejected.  

And I couldn't handle it. 

I can handle it now.   But I won't lie.   I don't like this feeling.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It almost felt like karma.   Like maybe I'm on the other side of that exchange.   For once.   And I don't feel angry.    I just feel uncomfortable.   Trying to shift. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now