L-Ava

Process: Healing the Emotional Body

38 posts in this topic

So, i might come off as inexperienced or something but what do you do when facing those emotions becomes too extreme to 'sit with' or handle if the body starts reacting like with a panic attack or a feeling like your heart is going to burst or feeling like your veins are going to pop out of your skin? 

I am afraid to try again because of the physical symptoms that surface if and when i actually allow that feeling to be felt completely!

Any advice or suggestions?

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As far as I have experienced it, emotions cannot kill you. Your body reacts in order to release held back emotions that might have been there bottled up.

Violently shaking, heart pounding adrenaline rushes, panics and anxiety, irregular breathing etcetera. These symtoms are actually natural for the body. most of the time most of us don't allow our body to shake or release felt things because of a societal thing that a body is "healthy" when it does not have any twitches or shaky reactions to any exposed event.

Its ok for you to feel these things and to experience your body to act out like this. 

Edited by Jerry Tyfting
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I get what you are saying @Jerry Tyfting , it is quite scary and painful to face feelings from a highly abusive and sometimes torturous past... Maybe the feelings about the trauma and abuse i have suppressed would be better to come out in therapy where i actually AM safe as opposed to in my solitary,  untrained presence.

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23 hours ago, Hope_vZ said:

So, i might come off as inexperienced or something but what do you do when facing those emotions becomes too extreme to 'sit with' or handle if the body starts reacting like with a panic attack or a feeling like your heart is going to burst or feeling like your veins are going to pop out of your skin? 

I am afraid to try again because of the physical symptoms that surface if and when i actually allow that feeling to be felt completely!

Any advice or suggestions?

@Hope_vZ I've experienced a lot of what you're describing, and for me, when I realized that that's actually what healing feels like at that level of reintegration, I was able to fully accept the physical 'symptoms.' It makes me feel more comfortable doing the worst sessions alone, but if you feel like having someone there is comforting, then I think that's wonderful. :) I just feel really comfortable going through the process solo, since I feel the freedom to do the process at any time, not just in sessions. I needed that for me, to not feel hopeless. I needed to fully take the reins. Thankfully, the completion process is intended to eventually be used by an individual without assistance (if that's what the desire is, it's always alright to have someone present with you when you're going through the process - I'd probably be just fine with that... or a hug afterward,lol) . You don't come off as inexperienced, it's a really intense process, and it's fine to ask about it. Shoot, I'm just glad it resonated with me so much that I just had to keep doing it. Maybe it's just my masochist quality coming out that helps so much here. :o 

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22 minutes ago, Hope_vZ said:

abuse i have suppressed would be better to come out in therapy where i actually AM safe as opposed to in my solitary,  untrained presence.

I would have loved that. Finding someone to just be there with me while I process things. I did most of  the work like 99% alone. The other one was once or twice with online support.
It depends on how safe you feel being alone too. Because if you feel unsafe with being lonely there is no true place or being that can satisfy or fill that space...wow I think I wrote this to myself as well somewhat.
I think I have a lot of what is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and this to me is there very much at times. I still feel somewhat safe from the work I have already done but there is still something there stressing me out at times.
If you have somewhere you perceive safety or people who can be with you while your body acts out like this I can recommend it if you feel it is too much to dive deep into alone.

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3 minutes ago, Stephanie Wintermute said:

Maybe it's just my masochist quality coming out that helps so much here. :o

I don't think it is masochistic, lol. I think that maybe it differs with me because all of my childhood being alone was actually a punishment because i would then be stuck with the reality and thoughts and feelings which no person let alone a child should have to be stuck with especially not alone. I do feel comfortable doing a lot of things when i am alone, it is just when some of the "heavier" feelings come up i do not remember what to do or how to not be stuck in that same headspace all over again simply by experiencing that.:cry-min:

Some of my memories i think are so hard to take because i cannot fathom that a child could be harmed in such ways by their own parents who 'say' that they love her and how i never believed that i would survive it. Most of the bad feelings are linked to feeling alone in this world, I think it is a miracle that i did not develop a split personality or something...:time-out-yahoo-emoticon:

I suppose my soul just craves support and safe comfortable reassurance.

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I also experience reversed or confused feelings. Like today, I was sitting with the feeling of being 'good enough' just as I am, not because I do something, or earn something, or need to accomplish something. It was really, really weird to feel uncomfortable to feel 'accepted.' I was just visualizing pulling in my soulmate, and my mind clicked on 'but what do I have to offer? I don't have anything.' It was surprising. :( But now, I know why I keep attracting situations where I just want to keep 'performing' to feel worthy of attention and love. Like, today on the site when I noticed the 'advanced member' status and the 'reputation points' were gone. It triggered me so badly, lol. I felt like feeling satisfied at being 'accepted' was 'wrong.' I was able to clear a whole lot over it, so I'm happy about it. This place is about genuine connection, not points. But... that was quite the healing session. It was so uncomfortable. I had to admit (especially as a gamer) that without a 'guideline' or something fun to entice me into connecting with others, I'm usually too afraid to do it. It really amazed me how deep that has been programmed into me since childhood. That... 'let's make everything a game so she keeps performing' tactic parents and teachers and doctors, and jobs do. It brought up all my situations of being used. 

Geez, life. Geez, Universe. Thanks for offering healing opportunities everywhere. Guh, I hope this was relevant. I just felt like I should mention it here. I don't need a point system to feel loved! 

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8 minutes ago, Hope_vZ said:

Some of my memories i think are so hard to take because i cannot fathom that a child could be harmed in such ways by their own parents who 'say' that they love her and how i never believed that i would survive it. Most of the bad feelings are linked to feeling alone in this world, I think it is a miracle that i did not develop a split personality or something...:time-out-yahoo-emoticon:

I so want to look you deeply into your eyes and tell you that you are not alone because I have had this feeling most of my life. And I too have felt this "how can they do this".
Those who survives these kinds of pasts are heroes for simply being alive. This is what I want to believe. Because they have had to emotionally fend for themselves the best they could in the worst of situations where barely any comfort where perceived. To still be alive after that is just amazing.
I respect you so much!

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3 minutes ago, Jerry Tyfting said:

I so want to look you deeply into your eyes and tell you that you are not alone because I have had this feeling most of my life. And I too have felt this "how can they do this".
Those who survives these kinds of pasts are heroes for simply being alive. This is what I want to believe. Because they have had to emotionally fend for themselves the best they could in the worst of situations where barely any comfort where perceived. To still be alive after that is just amazing.
I respect you so much!

 

You have no idea how good if felt to read those words just now @Jerry Tyfting. That is exactly why my anthem is this: 

 

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12 minutes ago, Hope_vZ said:

I don't think it is masochistic, lol.

Phew! I definitely have some interesting tactics I've picked up over the years to keep going. 

12 minutes ago, Hope_vZ said:

I do feel comfortable doing a lot of things when i am alone, it is just when some of the "heavier" feelings come up i do not remember what to do or how to not be stuck in that same headspace all over again simply by experiencing that.:cry-min:

 

My heart so breaks for you. :( 

 

16 minutes ago, Hope_vZ said:

Most of the bad feelings are linked to feeling alone in this world, I think it is a miracle that i did not develop a split personality or something...:time-out-yahoo-emoticon:

I suppose my soul just craves support and safe comfortable reassurance.

The thing that really gets me through the process is my desperate need to get to the abandoned children, and my younger isolated, disowned, invalidated, ignored and emotionally abused children. It's so healing to just be present with them, and let them cry, or feel heard, or just hug them forever, then get them the hell out of there. My soul retrieval process is like a constant rescue mission. It keeps me going. I'm so glad you're on this site. You're never alone. 

16 minutes ago, Hope_vZ said:

Most of the bad feelings are linked to feeling alone in this world, I think it is a miracle that i did not develop a split personality or something...:time-out-yahoo-emoticon:

I suppose my soul just craves support and safe comfortable reassurance.

You know, I still struggle with feeling alone. I also need a lot of reassurance that I'm not  alone, and it gives me anxiety to ask for attention, for a lot of reasons. If I'm doing something that feels right, it's all good but if I overanalyze too much, it really puts a hole in my boat, and I start to take on water, lol. I was worried a few times in my life as horrific events unfolded that I was going schizophrenic. I'd experience disassociating while knowing I was doing it and letting the other aspects of me take over. Now, I'm just thankful I'm sane, lol. Well, relatively, hahah. 

You deserve to feel supported, and safe, and comfortable. I know we all do, and I think we're on the path to beeline for it. :) You're a really kind person, and it's fun to talk to you, as well. Such a sweet soul. 

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26 minutes ago, Jerry Tyfting said:

Finding someone to just be there with me while I process things. I did most of  the work like 99% alone. The other one was once or twice with online support.
It depends on how safe you feel being alone too. Because if you feel unsafe with being lonely there is no true place or being that can satisfy or fill that space...wow I think I wrote this to myself as well somewhat.
I think I have a lot of what is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and this to me is there very much at times. I still feel somewhat safe from the work I have already done but there is still something there stressing me out at times.
If you have somewhere you perceive safety or people who can be with you while your body acts out like this I can recommend it if you feel it is too much to dive deep into alone.

Hi @Jerry Tyfting. I didn't want to exclude you from the convo. :) It really helped empower me to do the work solo, but after about a year and a half, I'm happy to reach out to discuss my feelings on those sessions, and it's really been validating in the past week on the site to do this. I do think it would be nice to have someone sit with me for a session a few times to see what it's like, but it would ideally be someone that knows what's going on with it. 

Feeling alone is probably what I consider the most dangerous emotion for me, and the likeliest to make me spiral downward. I think you're really wise in noticing how damaging it can be, and how much it affects just everything, especially the healing process. Having had complex PTSD, I can say that it's like having a wrecking ball go through your life until you're able to confront it. I refused to, continuing to 'walk wounded,' and 'man up,' but it eventually tore everything around me down until I stopped running away from it. I think I'm pretty lucky to be here, actually, lol. I'm so sorry you've had to experience it. A ton of us here have, but it's so awful. :( So very awful, especially if you're going through it alone or those around you (like I experienced) distance themselves from you as if you're a dying animal. Talk about re-traumatizing. Happy you're here. You have some really good thoughts on things, and I've really liked reading your posts. 

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3 minutes ago, Stephanie Wintermute said:

. I'm so glad you're on this site

@Stephanie Wintermute , @Jerry Tyfting

5 minutes ago, Stephanie Wintermute said:

You deserve to feel supported, and safe, and comfortable. I know we all do, and I think we're on the path to beeline for it. :) You're a really kind person, and it's fun to talk to you, as well. Such a sweet soul. 

 

You have no idea what an episode of healing you guys are inspiring in me *sobbing* just now just seeing the words you send me helped me to feel the feelings you are sending, hehe! I feel so honored to be on this site and share and be supported. I have never ever felt this inspired or motivated or healed or so much a part of something!

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