Alex7

Gender, masculine and feminine energy

26 posts in this topic

I'm wondering about gender and how we feel inside and if that's from trauma. I can only talk for myself but inside I feel androgynous and my body kind of matches that. Am I supposed to feel all masculine because my body is male? I grew up with a lot of feminine energy and masculine energy but I'm trying to figure out why I feel this way inside. the trauma can be that my dad was a bad example of that so I associate masculine energy with violence and feminine energy just feels safe to me, or when I was 4? I got circumcised and there could be trauma there of being violated and the doctor was a male. I didn't know what was going on, it wasn't my choice and I was too young to understand the situation, I think it got an infection or something I'm not 100% sure, I just know that happened. I don't feel the need to be super manly whatever that means or super feminine, I feel right in the middle if that makes any sense. what do you guys think of this whole androgynous, non binary, transgender and everything else in between, is it from trauma you think or is it the kind of soul in that body? I'm curious to know what people think. thank you.

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We're all born w/ both male & female energy.  For myself I knew I was gay at age 7-8.  I grew up in the in the 70's & 80's.  I remember feeling different and as I become a teen I felt attraction to guys.  God I fought those feelings of sexual desire for guys so hard bcs of being raised in Christian home in a fly over state w/ rampant homophobia.  I felt more comfortable, safer w/ women because this but never did I want to be a woman.  I like,love, men and being a man.  We all know our orientation from a very young age.  It's only now that there is recognition of being transgender. and all the other genders in between as you said. Thank God for that so people no longer have to suffer!  Who we fuck is only a small part of who we are.   IMO I don't think trauma has anything to do w/ feeling male or female.  You are you.  Embrace who you are and what you are.  Love you!   

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19 hours ago, Rain 369 said:

Who we fuck is only a small part of who we are.   IMO I don't think trauma has anything to do w/ feeling male or female.  You are you. 

I understand why this type of attitude has arisen and is on the rise... however I would have to point out that there is fair evidence that childhood trauma can indeed influence sexuality and gender. It isn't much talked about for obvious reasons but I believe this type of analysis to be valid, but humanity is not yet mature enough to handle approaching the subject with clarity.

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I'm a 59 year old woman and through childhood trauma and later sexual abuse and later extensive emotional abuse, I learned to hate the masculine for it's power (over me) and despise the feminine for it's weakness. I used the masculine within (which was probably funny considering I'm very petite) as a shield while continuing to hate the feminine. Not fun. Working through these issues over time has helped me love and embrace both aspects of myself. I am more deeply exploring the feminine side and realizing its own special power and inner working within my body/mind/spirit. I am loving it and myself more and more. That's all. Just feel them both, resolve what didn't work for you, love it all. It's here to show you more of you.

 

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26 minutes ago, Redbird said:

I'm a 59 year old woman and through childhood trauma and later sexual abuse and later extensive emotional abuse, I learned to hate the masculine for it's power (over me) and despise the feminine for it's weakness. I used the masculine within (which was probably funny considering I'm very petite) as a shield while continuing to hate the feminine. Not fun. Working through these issues over time has helped me love and embrace both aspects of myself. I am more deeply exploring the feminine side and realizing its own special power and inner working within my body/mind/spirit. I am loving it and myself more and more. That's all. Just feel them both, resolve what didn't work for you, love it all. It's here to show you more of you.

 

the thing is I used to take a steroid before i started puberty and that probably messed up my hormones and I wonder how I would be if I never took a medicine a doctor gave me, would i still have the same body type? i cant change it, so now i just have this perspective i guess, I don't not like it, but when we live in a world that cant wrap their mind around someone being androgynous or whatever someone is. its like you're just educating people because they don't know this exists, women are more open minded, men at least in my life probably wouldn't understand, straight men take pride in being straight kind of a thing, because its normal and the way its always been. fuck that old paradigm, I'm not even wired for it lol. spiritually aware and the 2 genders blend together and i get to be seen as confused in this society because they evolve their ideas too slow, when it all seems like programming to me, people aren't really like that, just out of alignment aspects of masculine and feminine, not self aware enough to know that isn't their thought or belief, it came from someone.

Edited by Alex7
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12 minutes ago, Alex7 said:

the thing is I used to take a steroid before i started puberty and that probably messed up my hormones and I wonder how I would be if I never took a medicine a doctor gave me, would i still have the same body type? i cant change it, so now i just have this perspective i guess, I don't not like it, but when we live in a world that cant wrap there mind around someone being androgynous or whatever someone is. its like you're just educating people because they don't know this exists, women are more open minded, men at least in my life probably wouldn't understand, straight men take pride in being straight kind of a thing, because its normal and the way its always been. fuck that old paradigm, I'm not even wired for it lol. spiritually aware and the 2 genders blend together and i get to be seen as confused in this society because they evolve their ideas too slow, when it all seems like programming to me, people aren't really like that, just out of alignment aspects of masculine and feminine, not self aware enough to know that isn't their thought or belief, it came from someone.

It's frustrating - just being human - having this physical experience. My goal is simply to clean my own house - get as clean as I can so I can say I did what I came to do. And to love all aspects of myself through it all. That's the tough one. Also, not letting anyone define my worth. Hard, hard lesson. Much love.

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This is one of my favorites of Janneke!  <3 Please do watch.  ( The subs most likely wont show so just click the button behind the gear, english subtiles have been added.  ^^''  Enjoy!  ( I just love to see videos where she's speaking her native tongue, really let's us see her true nature, she really does ask great questions.  Have you also seen the ones where she has spoken with Teal?  There is also a video where she speaks with her AND Evette Rose in a group session.  It was such lovely synergy to watch! )

 

@Alex7 My goodness!  I was being forced to take Steroids as well! but I refused the doctor who was substituting for my regular family doc at the time!  despite my mother disliking my decision.. x.x;; I hope you're alright now though!  All sorts of cleansing can help realign your hormonal balance!  All of this is reversible!

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@Alex7  Also, i'm totally with you.  I've experienced the exact same stuff and think exactly like you do!  I would so like to connect with you more!   ( This is bound to merge again.. the only way i can edit things here most of the time when the forum becomes a screwball)

-edit- : Or not.. does editing have something against pasting stuff now?  x.x

Edited by AbsoluteWave

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@Rain 369  I think the trauma is likely from the projections from others and even eventually from our own minds that it is WRONG to be you.. Simple as that.. I've faced this a whole bunch during my younger years.  And even now even though I'm 23.

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6 hours ago, AbsoluteWave said:

@Alex7 My goodness!  I was being forced to take Steroids as well! but I refused the doctor who was substituting for my regular family doc at the time!  despite my mother disliking my decision.. x.x;; I hope you're alright now though!  All sorts of cleansing can help realign your hormonal balance!  All of this is reversible!

I'm good, just working with emotional stuff I keep inside, all that did was make me hate this whole system more and people do things blindly. not hate, but reminded me how not healthy it is.

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i'm also androgynous, I don't think that gender is always 100% binary. You can get stuck in the middle. Even though I'm transgender and have female hormones now, I just feel like me, which can be masculine or feminine. Ultimately, it's brain stuff, wired into you.

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59 minutes ago, vampires_everywhere said:

i'm also androgynous, I don't think that gender is always 100% binary. You can get stuck in the middle. Even though I'm transgender and have female hormones now, I just feel like me, which can be masculine or feminine. Ultimately, it's brain stuff, wired into you.

being called sir or man still feels weird, like sure.. whatever you say.. my vehicle is a male, that's why I'm a sir.. got it!

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Exposure to different levels of hormones and other factors while you are in your mother's womb also affect your body and sexual orientation. If you have brothers, it is more likely that your mother's body produced the factors to reject you more than your brothers. Have you ever notice that younger brothers mostly have more baby faces and smoother figures?

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yea, i definitely feel that alex. 'sir' does kinda sting, even though I know ppl can tell my maleness. It's like, dang, that's kinda harsh don't you think!! It's usually just that the person, in their ignorance, is attempting to be polite. So I let it roll off my back no problem. I don't try to 'pass' as anything or hide myself.

On a side note, i'm reminded of my first gender related memory from when I was 5. I was jealous of my friend Alex because his name could be for a boy or a girl. haha X) I picked a new name as an adult with a similar property. ;)

Just now, duygu_s said:

factors while you are in your mother's womb also affect your body and sexual orientation

so true! although I'm a lot more feminine looking than my younger brother, who is definitely more bearish and manly than I ever was ;)

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