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Boundaries

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Hey all,

 

I am new here. I have just watched the workshop in LA and the girl with the codependent issues resonated so much.

I think I want to be seen as a nice person. I decided to go into Physiotherapy. Just to to get experience I had some time in a hospital which I hated. It took my vibration so low. I was so affected by the awful things that i witnessed there. Instead of saying whoooaaaa not for me. I still pursued this career. I hated uni. I hated how it was all hierarchy and basically fitting into a system I didn't believe in. I developed depression and Chronic fatigue and explored everything under the sun to 'heal' that.

I began diagnosing myself with all the medical conditions we were learning about and also massively identifying with the sick Patients we were dealing with. When a Patient was going to faint on me, I felt faint. When a Patient panicked over getting a needle, I panicked.

It seemed to be like an us and them. To belong in the physio world we had to be super fit and super nice and suer clever and super fake. Well I was. It was all back stabbing and bitching and competitiveness. I like the idea of metaphysical, quantum physics, emotions being the cause of our physical pain. I know that 100%. But I am not allowed to express these ideas in this profession. It would rock too many boats and I feel I would be attacked. So I play small. 

Part of me would be a good healer, I have trained as a yoga teacher and understand both the eastern and western philosophy regarding the human body. That stuff really does interest me. Its like I have been in an environment were I could not shine. Where I am kept small, and quiet and no confidence. That keeps the people up top happy. School probably got me this vibration.

I have now limited my job to 10 hours/week. Its all I can handle. I give so much of myself energetically. I sense that people can feel my crap boundaries and they often over step the mark. Then I feel rage inside. I cannot voice anything. I feel I am in the worst situation I could be in. 50% of the Patients come in are telling lies to get medical claims. They  get 10 sessions from the insurance companies. So I am in a room with them for 1/2 and hour and they get to have a massage and I give them exercises and its all bullshit. Or many times people blame their chronic health issues on the car crash and want them fixed, but won't take on board that they are that way because of years of self neglect and bad habits/postures. I feel so  angry inside that they are putting it on me. There is also the fear that the lady in charge who is like a goddess in the Physio world will know I am pissed off. My heart just isn't in it. It feels like the life force energy has been sucked out of me  by my narcissistic relationships/friendships and it feels the same tone in this lousy job. It feels like society (or the way I perceive it) is against anyone who wants to act from a place of truth. And we all just go along pretending. 

I felt isolated and alone as I was a mature student and I tried with desperation to form a group of friends. My tools were being a clown and giving them things, so they did love me for that. But I never felt respected or cared for. I was so let down when I didn't get love back so to speak. 

So I am massively seeing my lack of boundaries and my issues with codependency here. How to I start helping this?

I am back in with my parents at 39. Because it feels safer than the world out there.

I have done lots of inner work so I am feeling stronger. I just want to energetically feel good boundaries instead of having that huge internal rage for feeling powerless to people who I have no choice but to be in a room with and because of the job I am stuck in that room for all that time and can;t go anywhere. And its one after another for 5 hours.

 

I feel fried when I leave and it makes me ill for days.

HELP  !!!!!

 

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Stop caring about what other people think.  Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what others think about it.  You can't please everyone ever, no matter who you are. 

You need to get out of that job.  Find something that resonates better with you, perhaps you could focus on teaching yoga or something along those lines.  You sound like you are an empath.  I am an empath too and certain jobs are just impossible for us to do and keep our spirit in tack.  For an empath, pretending to feel something you don't or be something you're not, feels like hell.  If you don't know much about empaths, read up on it, it will explain a lot and explain why you are the way you are to you.  When I found out that I was an empath, it explained so much.  I no longer felt like something was wrong with me. 

Don't let people take advantage of you for friendship, they aren't your real friends anyway and it's not worth it.  Stand up for yourself, you'll feel much better.  I worked in the mental health field some too and I began to diagnose everyone I met.  It just becomes second nature to diagnose everyone but now that I look at it, I think it just made me believe people had mental illnesses that they didn't have.  Just accept people for who they are, flaws and all, but don't put up with bad treatment from them.  Accepting someone is a certain way is one thing, letting them take advantage of you is something else.  Sometimes you have to accept someone but let them go at the same time.  Good luck!

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13 hours ago, SagMoon said:

50% of the Patients come in are telling lies to get medical claims. They  get 10 sessions from the insurance companies. So I am in a room with them for 1/2 and hour and they get to have a massage and I give them exercises and its all bullshit. Or many times people blame their chronic health issues on the car crash and want them fixed, but won't take on board that they are that way because of years of self neglect and bad habits/postures. I feel so  angry inside that they are putting it on me.

i see it different. it's a pity that people have to lie to get what they need. they wouldn't ask for it if they didn't need it. for whatever reasons, that doesn't really matter.

i wouldn't go and blame people for having health problems, even if they seemingly did it to themselves. that would be like blaming you for how you feel, because you do it to yourself, no? people are the result of their lives and they all are doing the best that they can, given their past experiences and who/where they are right now.

13 hours ago, SagMoon said:

It feels like society (or the way I perceive it) is against anyone who wants to act from a place of truth.

who's truth? truth being such a vague and subjective term, isn't there more clarity when one simply acts from a place of love? everyone recognises love and it ripples and mirrors back.

if you carefully read your own post, there's a lot of obvious mirroring there. you choose what you get by what you give. 

 

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yes for sure there is mirroring. I think I am being triggered because of my past. Thats why I have been trying to heal my beliefs.

 

I want to be a loving being that doesn't judge people for their reasons for coming to me and accept everyone is where they are at but as I do have boundary issues I take on peoples stuff I feel.

I think I have just chosen a profession that goes against what I would love to do :)

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you are where you are and you do what you do. that might change, ofc, but right now, this is it.  every moving on starts where you are currently.

if you take on people's stuff, give them the stuff you'd like to take on from them. like for instance add understanding and compassion to the field. if you can't do it for them, do it for yourself. 'use' them to give yourself that. 

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On ‎9‎/‎20‎/‎2016 at 10:48 AM, SagMoon said:

I like the idea of metaphysical, quantum physics, emotions being the cause of our physical pain. I know that 100%. But I am not allowed to express these ideas in this profession. It would rock too many boats and I feel I would be attacked. So I play small. 

I would love to hear a doctor say that. the system is so flawed and people still believe in that paradigm, but emotions do effect the body big time.... they cant lose their job at the end of the day so it doesn't matter, but still I would love to hear a doctor say this is all fucked, I just work here lol.

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