Tenshi

Can this be thantophobia (the fear of loosing someone you love)?

2 posts in this topic

Hello Tribe!

I would love to hear your insights about thantophobia, the fear of loosing someone you love.

I have a friend that is always "busy", forcing himself to do stuff all the time. We like each other and this is very clear. We have spoken about been together and, despite he likes me back, he is hesitant. 

On the other side, I normally am the one initiating contact. I made a test and I went two weeks without texting him, and he didn't text me back in this time. So I finally talked to him again 4 days ago, and, as always, even though he wanted to hang out with me, he was busy and couldn't.

So, obviously I got mad at him, because I felt he was not making me a priority in his life, and I've been feeling this way for some time now.

So yesterday I told him the way I felt, that I was angry and feeling abandoned. And he agreed with me and told me that is not just me, that there are also some other friends that he hasn't contact with in months.

Thinking about the way he acts and what I know about him, I think he is afraid to connect too deep with people, because he has fears to lose them and go trough a painful experience. 

 

If this is the case, can I do something to help him open up and trust? Or it will be better if I just leave him be?

Thank you!

Edited by Tenshi

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He has some sort of blockage, does he come from an abusive past?  I have a "friend" like this and he has a severe abusive past, that is the reason he doesn't get close to people.

You can't do anything to "help" him change though, people only change when they decide they need to.  You can be there and support him and show him love, but it is likely to remain one sided.  It's up to you to decide if it is worth it to put up with the way he treats you.

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