ChinaDoll

Sex Work / What does it *actually* do to you vibrationally? (and how to recover)

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Sex Work / What does it *actually* do to you vibrationally? (and how to recover)

Dear Teal,

I have a burning question. After doing several spiritual work, prayer and meditation and lived in chastity for over 8 months, preserving my energies and using them creatively, I found myself jobless, in an expensive city I was new to. I didn’t speak the language and the medicare tax accumulated to an amount of money I almost never had at once. Not finding a job for months, and the state having refused my social welfare application, I found myself desperate, buried in debt, and my last try was giving a chance to this erotic massage salon / brothel someone on craigslist adviced me to apply to.  

Many reasons make me think it was a matter of fate. Before this event, at times times, in meditation I inquired over the idea of shame – esp after watching your video on the subject. I knew, coming from a prude family it “helped” me in some ways, as to not falling into mental traps like porn or sex addiction, and made me spiritual, insightful as well as conscious of the value of purity and innocence. However, there were many not very helpful things that came with this. Not being able to understand how powerful and primary the male instinct for sexuality is, and thus – men, not able to understand the division between body and spirit as far as they’re concerned, not being able to understand the nature of this need in men, and neither how do other women react in situation of sexual consumption, of the woman, by a craving men. My mom married a virgin and never talked to me a think about guys. When I was in my teens and asked her, her answer was always “I don’t know”.

Many time I found myself in a position of victim to the voracity of male sexual greed. This also brought some unpleasant situation when a guy tried to rape me. And yes, even from that time, I consider that oral sex performed on a woman, by a low bibrational man, out of greed, or any motivation but true love and connection, is rape. This is how my mind perceives it and this is how my body perceives it. (I get tired, demotivated, uncreative, hard to express, continually hungry, sick). After talking with some girls from the massage salon, apparently, they’ve been through the same symptoms after similar experiences. It’s actually horrible and does not worth the money you get for selling this. It’s actually repulsive, now that I think of it. But the situation recurs, working in a place like this. And me, as my colleagues, no matter their vibration, feel it the same way, more or less.  

I’ve been abused my men before in relationships, but since it was always a thing I did from love and coming from a true heart, this also helped me regenerate and understand how this situation could not ultimately take from me the autenthicity that it all came from. After seeing some of your videos I learned to avoid abusive relationships and I heartfully thank you.

Starting to work at the salon, I tried to make it as a journey as a healing, therapy or meditation, but it all got seedy and dark, because most men who come there, are not there to heal themselves. In fact, a lot told it from the very beginning. They were really annoyed at my attempt to actually do a tantric pure thing, and still treated me like a cheap sexual toy, regardless of my preference. Luring me with a lot of money, many times I gave in. Eventually got out of my debt, but still do this job to support myself. Apparently it’s just as hard to get a job in here.

I do plan to set firmer boundaries after the prior incidents, but I feel that doing these things for almost 3 months destroyed my creativity, lowered my vibration in a way I can’t identify very well (even though I still meditate daily), and made me tired. Also, it made me worry about it accumulating potentially in my body as a trauma.

But even doing the massage itself, using your body against an incredibly low vibrational human being’s body, I feel that as a threat to mine.

I want to ask you what exactly does sex work to your vibration, given the fact you’re still striving for purity, betterment and light. I’m also curious if there is something I can do to recover myself from the feeling that something has been taken away from me and understand exactly what has been taken away from me and if it an be recovered. I have no idea how prostitution works on your soul and vibration and I’m going crazy over it. I can’t quit at the moment because I need the money. And I find it hard to hold on to not doing certain stuff because these ppl find ways to brainwash me being dominant and giving me money.

I would appreciate immensely your help in answering my questions, so I would understand what exactly happened.

 

Thank you so much for taking time to answer and read all.

 

With love,

V

 

 

 

 

 

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China Doll, first, I wish you well and send the intention for your healing and wholeness. I've done extensive work on this topic personally, with legal clients, and academically and I can assure you the experience of every single person working within the vast and varied fields of the sex industry is distinct, just as every individual on earth is distinct. Your vibrational experiences are unique to you, even though you may find commonalities with others in your salon community.

There is a long history of sacred prostitution within religious contexts and temple settings. Additionally, some of the first economically independent women in history were the Hetaira of ancient Greece, who were prized for their education, wit and refinement. I don't have time to elaborate now, but you might read 'The Pretence of Love' by Fernando Henriques if you are interested in exploring a historical ethnography of sex work in both religious and secular contexts from the ancient world through 1960's Europe. 

Sex work is not a function of morality or ethics, but a function of capitalist exchange under patriarchy, as you yourself discovered when you found yourself out of work and out of money. With the dawn of agriculture during the Neolithic revolution we saw the advent of both private property and the shift from matrilineal to patrilineal inheritance. Fast forward to common law where women become the chattel of their husband upon marriage and were legally prohibited from working, owning property, and so forth. This doctrine (called coveture) paved the way for the trope of female frigidity and promoted the scarcity of sex to enhance its exchange value within society. 

On a practical note, I would ask whether you are able to book your own clients at the salon, or if they book you? Your post seems to infer you have little to no control over your clientele, which might explain why the work is vibrationally draining. If you work independently you can take control over who you session with and set up a profile online to attract the types of sessions you want to offer. I sense you seek to move on from this work, but if you have no economic alternative in the meantime, it is possible to work independently and take measures to ensure your safety; such as requiring deposits, and only accepting experienced clients (not first timers) who are able to provide references from other providers. I don't know where you are located, but there are review sites, like 'punternet' in the UK where both clients and services providers are verified and can be reviewed to secure the safety as well as the mental and physical health of both parties. 

Amnesty International, the United Nations and other human rights organizations advocate the decriminalization of sex work (in stark contrast to the US anti-prostitution pledge under PEPFAR) because extensive research has shown that safer, healthier outcomes result, and that criminalization is not an effective deterrence and yields undesirable consequences. The practice of sex work cannot be suppressed, but it can be abdicated if we disband societal sexual shame and create a more wholesome, loving and interconnected world.  

If it is true that your thoughts create your reality, then your intention relative to the work would impact your vibration the most. I sense you come to it from a place of powerlessness, hence you suffer feelings of violation and other negative emotions. Perhaps you can try to find the positive intention and find a way to take control of your working conditions. 

I wish you well on your journey.

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15 minutes ago, Beyonce said:

I sense you come to it from a place of powerlessness, hence you suffer feelings of violation and other negative emotions.

@ChinaDoll, like Beyonce, I also sense powerlessness.  This is the lowest vibration on the emotional scale.

Please consider how you can reclaim your power and provide for your safety. There is an infinite number of choices that we can make in life.  Believing that we have no choice is an illusion.  We always have choice.

I also wish you well on your journey. 

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@ChinaDoll , you can perceive yourself as anything from a slave of circumstances to a high sex priestess, all according to your own thoughts and way to look at it. 

The vibration is not a matter of what the world does to you, is a matter of what you make of it. the world is just mirroring back at you your own vibration. vibration raises from within, the outer world is just the space where it happens and is just 'mimicking you, like a reflection or an echo.

you choose your vibration with your own thoughts. there are no good or bad, right or wrong, sane or crazy thoughts, that's just what the mind thinks based on it's programming.

there are only thoughts that feel better or worse than other (competing) thoughts. follow the thread of the better feeling thoughts.

higher vibration feels 'better' than lower vibration, feels lighter and less dense, feels like more freedom.

and anyway, the whole low vs. high vibration thing is just a metaphor to convey states of awareness, otherwise hard to define in terms of physical life.

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Dear Chinadoll

the question you have is 'what does sexwork do to you vibrationally?'

i think it is not especially the work itself that does something to you but the way you let people (men in this case) treat you and place you in a respectless, unloving, vulnerable and serving position. As long as you allow them to ignore your needs, putting themselves in first place and take the power nothing will change. As they are paying you your position will always be the one of a serving kind, and this may seem hard to hear but this is your own choice. We can not speak of an equal relationship in this work. The thing your clients are looking for is totally different from the thing you want to offer them. It seems your purpose is an emotional connection and your clients are looking for a physical connection/pleasure. For this these men cannot be blaimed. What concerns me is you allow things to happen you do not want or like. This means the vibrational state of it is low. My questions for you are: 

How do you nurture yourself emotionally and what is it you are craving for emotionally? Do you allow yourself to be nurtured emotionally (by yourself)? Do you think you DESERVE to be nurtured emotionally? 

Who has and how have you been hurt emotionally in the past? Have you worked on this pain inside of you? 

How do you relate to other people outside your working life? You give away the power too?

The feeling i have is that you are desperately looking for love outside of you, were in fact it can only be found inside of you. If you allow it......?

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On 9/17/2016 at 3:04 AM, Sandana said:

the question you have is 'what does sexwork do to you vibrationally?'

Men who pay money for sex are feeding an addiction, using sex and power as a drug that gives them a short-term satisfaction and relieves their pain and feelings of powerlessness. You are obviously recognizing the effect that being the object of this relationship has on both your mind and spirit. Many women in the sex trade fall victim to an addictive relationship to their work either through the emotional payoff of being the victim, "oh, poor me, these bad men are taking advantage of me" or becoming addicted to the power they feel at being in such control that they can get a man to give them money. This kind of addictive behavior is inherently dangerous in that it tends to be a poor substitute for genuine love and satisfaction and also tends to create a greater and greater hunger for satisfaction over time.

The only out I see is to use the money you make to get an education that will make it possible to support yourself without selling yourself for sex. Then you can do the spiritual work to raise your vibration and help others. What do you really want to do with your life? How can you get from where you are to where you want to be? You need a goal and a plan. You seem to be a strong and courageous person. Take charge of your life and begin steering it in a better direction. You may not be able to do this all at once but you can begin now to make steps toward a better future. watch teal's YouTube video on having a happy life and begin to change you situation in small increments.

While you are doing this Be Blessed and be a blessing to those around you for they too are sick and suffering.

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Hello dear, I am a sex worker as well :) Thank you for making this post! As with what @Beyonce said above, I too feel a sense of powerlessness in your post, which is ok because it is where you are.  Speaking as a fellow sex worker, I can tell you 100% that this job will always, always match your vibration. Struggling with issues of shame, hatred towards men or society in general and feeling powerless to capitalistic, patriarchal society are very common themes in sex work. I personally have struggled with those themes myself, it was never about my job and always about something in my shadow. Sex work itself is not the issue, it is your deeper feelings and vibrations that signal to you what you are needing to acknowledge. Sex work and what you are getting from it is a reflection of your dominant vibrations and themes.

If I were you, I would ask myself; how do I feel about sex work? How do I feel about men? How do I feel about my clients/ customers and how does how I feel about them effect how I feel about men? How do I feel about the society which has essentially forced me to become a sex worker in order to survive? How do I feel about sex? What would someone who loves themselves do? How can I do that? What is the best way for me to integrate and acknowledge these feelings within myself? 

Xo 

Edited by lightworker
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On 9/16/2016 at 4:00 PM, Beyonce said:

China Doll, first, I wish you well and send the intention for your healing and wholeness. I've done extensive work on this topic personally, with legal clients, and academically and I can assure you the experience of every single person working within the vast and varied fields of the sex industry is distinct, just as every individual on earth is distinct. Your vibrational experiences are unique to you, even though you may find commonalities with others in your salon community.

There is a long history of sacred prostitution within religious contexts and temple settings. Additionally, some of the first economically independent women in history were the Hetaira of ancient Greece, who were prized for their education, wit and refinement. I don't have time to elaborate now, but you might read 'The Pretence of Love' by Fernando Henriques if you are interested in exploring a historical ethnography of sex work in both religious and secular contexts from the ancient world through 1960's Europe. 

Sex work is not a function of morality or ethics, but a function of capitalist exchange under patriarchy, as you yourself discovered when you found yourself out of work and out of money. With the dawn of agriculture during the Neolithic revolution we saw the advent of both private property and the shift from matrilineal to patrilineal inheritance. Fast forward to common law where women become the chattel of their husband upon marriage and were legally prohibited from working, owning property, and so forth. This doctrine (called coveture) paved the way for the trope of female frigidity and promoted the scarcity of sex to enhance its exchange value within society. 

On a practical note, I would ask whether you are able to book your own clients at the salon, or if they book you? Your post seems to infer you have little to no control over your clientele, which might explain why the work is vibrationally draining. If you work independently you can take control over who you session with and set up a profile online to attract the types of sessions you want to offer. I sense you seek to move on from this work, but if you have no economic alternative in the meantime, it is possible to work independently and take measures to ensure your safety; such as requiring deposits, and only accepting experienced clients (not first timers) who are able to provide references from other providers. I don't know where you are located, but there are review sites, like 'punternet' in the UK where both clients and services providers are verified and can be reviewed to secure the safety as well as the mental and physical health of both parties. 

Amnesty International, the United Nations and other human rights organizations advocate the decriminalization of sex work (in stark contrast to the US anti-prostitution pledge under PEPFAR) because extensive research has shown that safer, healthier outcomes result, and that criminalization is not an effective deterrence and yields undesirable consequences. The practice of sex work cannot be suppressed, but it can be abdicated if we disband societal sexual shame and create a more wholesome, loving and interconnected world.  

If it is true that your thoughts create your reality, then your intention relative to the work would impact your vibration the most. I sense you come to it from a place of powerlessness, hence you suffer feelings of violation and other negative emotions. Perhaps you can try to find the positive intention and find a way to take control of your working conditions. 

I wish you well on your journey.

Hello, everyone - and thank you so much for taking time to help with an external perspective on this, and a documented wise one - since letting all this dilemma sink within myself has been a tough challenge.

I will live by the words that it's a matter of capitalist exchange in a world dominated by male lust for power and desire.

I get daily confirmation about how men are literally animals, and so low on the scale of spiritual evolution, so addicted to their needs and incapable of raising above. It's pretty hopeless. At the same time I learned not to take personally all the male drama, since I got to know better the place of basic gratification that they come from, as well as egoism and superficiality. And how the only way for them to ever show kindness is to try get something physical in return, and even expect to pay less. A lot of these men I work for, at the end of it all feel sort of ripped off - but the truth is they're most of them losers that would not be capable to keep a woman near them and make her happy.

Sometimes I think of the women on the other side of this equation, who have to put up with all this bullshit, coming from an emotional perspective. Or maybe these ppl are not actually animals in other aspects of their life, and that's why they accept to pay a ridiculous overprice to just be in an environment where they can act like motherfucking neanderthals for a limited amount of time.

Lately I've tried to put more effort in enforcing firm boundaries. And it's really the hardest thing, and since I have a history of self-sabotaging scenarios, of course that since this becomes a promise to myself, it's automatically bound to fuck up at times. But maybe a risky game like this is necessary to test my ability to set my limits. Maybe I would have never find an external motivation strong enough to do this, if not this spiritually speaking blatantly life and soul threatening. 

I'm seeing this thing as unfair to the Source / God principle that I'm gambling with my body, which I have no merit for to start with. It's a present from Life itself and I'm allowing for it to be treated in ways that I sometimes consier to be unfair. But maybe you wuldn't get to know what is, in fact, unfair, if you wouldn't be in that place at least once already. It helped me a lot to lay these thoughts down, and find support from you, amazing people, in the process. On the other side, it's just a service provided under a capitalist system, and it shouldn't be more than that, but also the body knows better and the sensation that I get is that I shouldn't be doing this because it's killing my creativity and my potential to do something really meaningful that communicates more on a soul level.

 

Also, I was wondering if there is a way to enhance a protection of my energy field in this situation. I think I charge up and take up a lot of negative energy by coming to physical contact with so many ppl with a lo vibe: ppl who do shady business, even ppl who killed other ppl in wars or who are just horrible gross egoistic people and I just know it. 

I'll reflect upon this - and also hope that Teal will give it a go at some point, as to how to protect your energy field and set your perspective while doing this, as to not have such a ravaging impact on my soul.

I'll keep reading the forum and I want to thank you all for doing such a beautiful job.

 

Love,

V

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This is also so good, in the sense that it reminded me of this book that I read and really made me cry, called "Women who Love Too Much", by Robin Norwood. Needless to say, the ideas in the book applied so well to me. Since I know how these "games" go outside a straight forward pay-for-pleasure sort of environment, I learned to guard myself against the fuckboys in my social circle. Which is not ever allowing them to get close, arrange spontaneous "dates" and get physical with men I'm into, too early in the process.

This was never the case before reading these books, since I come from a family with a very abusive, mean, greedy and disrespectful father, who seems to hate women in general - he married my mom who is an autist who is not capable of human emotion at all, and is also incredibly weak and lacking initiative completelly, egoistical and unatached, and could't care less about me. And the other women he cares about is my grandma - his mom - which is one of the kindest soul ever, but also a weak woman who put her son before anything else. Even before myself. Lol. So I've always been too allowing with men, giving too much of my body, giving too much of myself, making concessions when that wasn't the case, and it's a weekness which takes control of me even before I get the time to think about it - and when I get to think about it later on it seems so stupid, but when facing a man I just seem to block from logical processing and do what he says. It's a horrible vibration that my relation with a mean, arrogant, frustrated, greedy father, who always perceived me as an enemy, done to me.  I'm starting to become more aware of it but working in this environment reminds me all the time about how weak I am in relation to the male vibration. and how driven is it by an unexplainable fear that has been cultivated within me long before my brain could process logical ideas. Since everything is interconnected in this world, the fact is that in relations with men that could provide me that emotional connections I'm pretty scared and I have this thought in the back of my head that, because I'm doing this job and wasting my erotic energy on losers, he'll unconsciously feel there's something wrong about me and find me less attractive. Now that I'm writing it, this thought seems so silly, especially that there is no "right" or "wrong", only choices that we're making, that can help us evolve out of the need to escape what makes us suffer, and aim to that effortless higher vibration the heart craves.

On 9/17/2016 at 9:04 AM, Sandana said:

Dear Chinadoll

the question you have is 'what does sexwork do to you vibrationally?'

i think it is not especially the work itself that does something to you but the way you let people (men in this case) treat you and place you in a respectless, unloving, vulnerable and serving position. As long as you allow them to ignore your needs, putting themselves in first place and take the power nothing will change. As they are paying you your position will always be the one of a serving kind, and this may seem hard to hear but this is your own choice. We can not speak of an equal relationship in this work. The thing your clients are looking for is totally different from the thing you want to offer them. It seems your purpose is an emotional connection and your clients are looking for a physical connection/pleasure. For this these men cannot be blaimed. What concerns me is you allow things to happen you do not want or like. This means the vibrational state of it is low. My questions for you are: 

How do you nurture yourself emotionally and what is it you are craving for emotionally? Do you allow yourself to be nurtured emotionally (by yourself)? Do you think you DESERVE to be nurtured emotionally? 

Who has and how have you been hurt emotionally in the past? Have you worked on this pain inside of you? 

How do you relate to other people outside your working life? You give away the power too?

The feeling i have is that you are desperately looking for love outside of you, were in fact it can only be found inside of you. If you allow it......?

 

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Dear @lightworker, I'm really glad to meet someone that is dealing with the same context - it's really amazing how well your questions address the burning core of my situation and how this both reflects my powerlessness as well as mirrors it by confirming it or creating contexts for it to further express until I deal with it. Since in other games played by males I learned to guard myself and never give up too much too soon, in real life I am very successful in avoiding putting up with all this bs fuckboys play. But of course, it hasn't always been like that - and since what I do is a way to guard myself from it, rather than tackle my powerlessness in relation to what men want  - life just made this odd situation happen, where I really need to deal with the problem or I'll go insane. I mean men by design, or most I dealt with want to take it all and leave a wreck behind. They feel the burning need to destroy something beautiful, And the less a woman allows it, the more intrigued they become. But, nonetheless, it's what they most want and it's the lie they'd pay a fortune for, if someone was to market this promise to them. Of course, I happen to meet in general, and not just at work, men that just take what you have to offer and don't ask for more. But it'n not like that all the time.  How much self destructive behavior this job triggers in a person that doesn't love herself, it's fascinating. I'll start asking myself these question every morning when I wake up, until my subconscious mind starts to hopefully pick up on some answers. Thank you so much!
Also, @Pastor George, thank you for highlighting so well what should be my top priority. Of course  to invest in my education would be preferable, but then I'll have to make enough $$$ to not just buy myself the education but also the time / peace of mind to do it. I probably need a holiday that I should dedicate fully to learning a new skill, that could bring money. I should also listen to my body. I'm worried that I became addicted to coffee, sugar and tobacco again after I started working here, I'm also oversleeping. So maybe there's no metod to measure one's spiritual energy level objectively, but I suppose that's a hint coming from my body that I should take it easy and practivce self love for the life of me. I was certainly on a higher vibration before I started working here, and in a state of peace and harmony. And I'm sure there must be a way to maintain it otherwise.

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8 hours ago, ChinaDoll said:

I mean men by design, or most I dealt with want to take it all and leave a wreck behind. They feel the burning need to destroy something beautiful, And the less a woman allows it, the more intrigued they become. But, nonetheless, it's what they most want and it's the lie they'd pay a fortune for, if someone was to market this promise to them.

When I read this, EVERYTHING that is ME says NO!!!!!!  NOT TRUE!!!!  I am a man, and I am not of that design.  In my world, men are caring and loving. They protect rather than destroy.  They build rather than tear down.  They honor beauty rather than stomp on it.  They want to give more than they take.  That is my world.

You create your reality with your belief.  With that story you tell yourself about men, you will never meet men like me.

If you want to meet loving men, then I suggest that you start with changing your story about us.

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13 hours ago, ChinaDoll said:

I mean men by design, or most I dealt with want to take it all and leave a wreck behind. They feel the burning need to destroy something beautiful, And the less a woman allows it, the more intrigued they become. But, nonetheless, it's what they most want and it's the lie they'd pay a fortune for, if someone was to market this promise to them. Of course, I happen to meet in general, and not just at work, men that just take what you have to offer and don't ask for more. But it'n not like that all the time.  How much self destructive behavior this job triggers in a person that doesn't love herself, it's fascinating.

Yes. The way that you view men based on this sentence is evidence of that self-destructive behavior and thoughts. It hurts you, and men who are your mirrors, to view men thusly. I know, because I have seen men this way and I have been angry with them and with the system and believed men to all be devious, lecherous, abusers and misogynists. I can definitely see how toxic masculinity rules society today, because it is something that I am faced with daily (especially as a woman and a sex worker) but it is up to me to shift the way that I think about that and how I view that. I can now see that our experience with this toxic masculinity is guiding us to oneness with divine masculine and feminine through contrast.

As @Amazawa said, you create your reality with your thoughts. What you are experiencing is completely correct and you are not wrong, because your experience is coming from a place of powerlessness and disconnection from both the divine feminine and the divine masculine aspects of yourself. The shadow side of the divine masculine is something Teal talks about in one of her videos about the divine feminine and the divine masculine. Spirit Science also has good videos on the topic. 

You can shift your beliefs about men, about women, and about sex and sex work if that's what you want to do. In my practice, if I do run into men like what you have stated, they are few and far between and they do not bother me, because I can see that they are in a place of intense pain and disconnection within themselves. The men in my life and at my work are loving and caring, men who love women and who are for the most part in touch with, consciously or not, their divine feminine and masculine aspects. I have done a lot of shadow work on this topic, because sex work WILL inevitably bring it up. Being a sex worker is such an interesting experience, because it stirs up all kinds of contrast in you that you might not be fully conscious of, and it forces you to integrate your traumas and learn how to respect yourself and your boundaries very quickly. There is so much energy around the job, mostly negative at this point in time, but that will shift one day. It can be a very spiritual and healing experience, or a very disconnected and painful one, and you DO have control over which is your experience.

<3 <3 <3

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2 hours ago, lightworker said:

There is so much energy around the job, mostly negative at this point in time, but that will shift one day. It can be a very spiritual and healing experience, or a very disconnected and painful one, and you DO have control over which is your experience.

That is so beautiful, @lightworker.  Thank you for shining your light even more. <3

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