Minnie

Not being fully here

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Not being fully here

Does anyone have any insights/solutions to constantly living in your mindspace and not being fully here? Or feeling like your life is being directed and you are never fully in the action?

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I have the same feeling. The only way I've been able to change it is by being ok with it. There is nothing really wrong with not really being here. What aspects about "being here" do you want to emulate in your life? I often find that the only reason I want something spiritual is because that's what is " spiritually correct" and what you should want. :) once you feel ok with it, it is very easy to move to something you prefer 

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22 minutes ago, Minnie said:

Not being fully here

Does anyone have any insights/solutions to constantly living in your mindspace and not being fully here? Or feeling like your life is being directed and you are never fully in the action?

It's dissociation. It is the result of a traumas. In this case that you are almost all the time dissociated; you have pent up traumas that you coped by dissociating in your childhood. 
It is traumas that want integration.
I would do trauma work - the completion process, but only ask "When was the first time I used this coping mechanism (dissociating)?" as a question. I wouldn't ask "When was the first time I felt this feeling?"

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@Ripley thanks for your view.. the problem is that it feels very lonely in this 'me' bubble and it is alo full of ugly thoughts.. very few of my thoughts are positive. if the bubble was full of positivity, I wouldn t mind it so much.

@Elif i really tought about it, and i tried the completion process by sinking into the state, but when i m in that state, i feel like a zombie. The more i sink into the state, the more 'zombie' i feel.. by zombie i mean completely shut down, with no energy to do anything. I can t even ask the questions when sinking into it. It feel like a coma.

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When you feel like a zombie and are shutting down, start to go into that feeling instead! And see where that takes you next. That zombie feeling Is a coping mechanism to keep you away from the underlying feeling. So follow the shutting down and see where that takes you next 

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1 hour ago, Minnie said:

by zombie i mean completely shut down, with no energy to do anything. I can t even ask the questions when sinking into it. It feel like a coma.

Wow, @Minnie, that sounds like a very strong defense mechanism in place to protect you from low vibrational states.  Did you have a traumatic childhood where you had to disassociate often to survive?  Were you mostly abandoned as a young child?  Are you afraid to know what is beneath the "coma," feeling like you are not ready to face what is there yet?

Deep powerlessness that results from severe trauma is often the reason for the strong defense mechanism like yours. If you answered yes to the above questions, then you likely are also experiencing deep powerlessness.  This was the case with me too.

Here are some suggestions for you to consider:

1.  Teal highly recommends using a facilitator if you have abandonment traumas. Find a compassionate and understanding friend to be with you when you do CP.  Having someone you trust with you is EXTREMELY important when integrating abandonment trauma.  That loving presence is healing all by itself.  My healing went much, much faster when I had someone facilitate my healing from abandonment traumas. 

2.  Create your safe space, and spend lots of time in it for now, especially soaking in the healing water that you created in the space and interacting with your primary Safe Guardian. Allow yourself to experience whatever feels good in there.  Use your imagination and create fun empowering experiences.  The goal is to grow your sense of safety and power.  

My safe space is above a holy mountain. My Safe Guardians are the new mother my inner child selected and my two spirit guides. I spend lots of time interacting with my new mother, feeling all the unconditional love I crave that was missing from my childhood. My safe space also has a holodeck where I go to have whatever adventures I want.  I do this regularly as a form of meditation and the resulting healing in me is powerful.  

3. After you feel safer and more powerful, try CP again and see if you are ready to go further.  If not, let that be okay too.  The power to choose is healing in itself.  Teal compares CP to rebirth.  And like a birth, the process will take its natural course.  We cannot force it. We can only allow the process and help it go smoothly.  

Sending you lots of support as you journey toward feeling better and becoming whole again. <3

Edited by Amazawa
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3 minutes ago, Minnie said:

Are you a practitioner yourself?

If all goes well, I will be by the end of next week. ;) 

And, yes!  It is VERY important to make sure you choose a facilitator that is a good match for you.  

Sensing your energy, I would suggest that you play in your safe space as much as possible right now.  Learn to feel how safe and powerful you truly are. <3

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@Amazawa oh congrats! And about your advice, to stay play in my safe place, this is actually my no1 coping mechanism, to avoid reality by focusing most of my awareness to create perfect imaginative spaces ( and especially by creating perfect versions of myself.. i struggle with salf hate also). I used to do intense daydreaming since I was very young (you were right about the abandonment issues). So i feel that playing in the safe heaven would be just what I do with my coping mechanism. Do you know an alternative to this? I would be forever grateful as this is the issue regarding CP that bothers me the most.

 

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2 hours ago, Minnie said:

So i feel that playing in the safe heaven would be just what I do with my coping mechanism. Do you know an alternative to this? I would be forever grateful as this is the issue regarding CP that bothers me the most.

Minnie,

To do CP, you must first feel safe and empowered.  Without the feeling of safety, your being will not agree to a rebirth.  It's like the birth canal is blocked. This is probably why you enter the zombie state each time you want to do CP.

So, the first piece of the puzzle that we need to figure out is how to allow you to create a safe haven without feeling like it's your coping mechanism all over again. Apparently, you may have a trauma associated with creating the safe haven (perhaps your caretakers ridiculed you for going into your day dreams?).  I have some ideas that are best explored in person. If you are comfortable with talking with me, please message me and let me know how we can connect.

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18 hours ago, Minnie said:

@Ripley thanks for your view.. the problem is that it feels very lonely in this 'me' bubble and it is alo full of ugly thoughts.. very few of my thoughts are positive. if the bubble was full of positivity, I wouldn t mind it so much.

@Elif i really tought about it, and i tried the completion process by sinking into the state, but when i m in that state, i feel like a zombie. The more i sink into the state, the more 'zombie' i feel.. by zombie i mean completely shut down, with no energy to do anything. I can t even ask the questions when sinking into it. It feel like a coma.

"Zombie" state... Like coma. With no energy to do anything.
Are you experiencing freeze? It's when the response to an emotional state is to just freeze - not to anything. Don't make a move.. Stop thinking. When you're in the freeze state you can't think logically. You can't even listen to, or observe what is going on around you. Your brain is shut down. Your muscles don't feel like moving. 
Is this what you're experiencing?

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@Elif yes, something like that. I m not really sure because I think I experience more types of freeze. Most of the time, it s not that I can't think logically, it s more like that: I am in a painful situation (and this is somehow a constant state, I am struggling with self hate etcetc), I instantly try to control it by intensely logically thinking about what would cause the phisical problem and how to solve it.. which never works of course, then I feel like i am sucked in my mind and I am in that lonely bubble, and then there comes the zombie phase.. where i am still too sucked into my mind and for example, if I need to go to the bathroom, i feel my body is extremely heavy and I have to use a lot of focus to drag it there. What you said that "your muscles don t feel like moving" is so true. And then, I collapse into bed not ever being able to think and then I usually fall asleep. The overall sensation is that the logical mind is so diconnected from the body.. this is where the "my life is directed" feeling comes from.

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